I have Borderline Personality Disorder AMA

[TropicalSunday]

First mentioned to me in 2017 and then finally diagnosed in November 2019.

Ask away.

How does it manifest itself?

Do you think it was caused by childhood trauma?
has anything helped?

Which diagnostic term do you prefer?

Have you found any treatment to be successful?

Do you find any prescribed medicine helps with mood fluctuations ?

What was the diagnosis process?

Have you had dialectical behaviour therapy?
Is so, does it help?

Do you have other diagnoses alongside?

How can others help you?

Can you recommend any reading?

Can you 'function'? Work? Relationship?

Are you open about your diagnosis- to your employer for example and friends or children?

Have you left Mumsnet?

Can you tell when you’re “in it”?

I like the model of personality adaptations by Elinor Greenberg and I think the strongest adaptation in me is the borderline one. I work hard not to get stuck in it, but it’s hard and sometimes I still do.

Hello.

I'll try and answer all questions.

Mine manifested from my dad leaving at the age of 4, then years of horrible physical abuse from my step father, followed by finding my grandmother dead (trauma) and being bullied from 12-15...

I was finally diagnosed after feeling utterly suicidal after a breakup (abandonment and rejection triggers) and was sent for an emergency appointment at the psychiatric hospital where I underwent extensive diagnostic questioning and analysis.

I am the medication quetiapine. I am better than I was, but it's always there.

I've not had DBT.

How can others help me? That's tough and easy to answer at the same time. I will always tell people I have BPD and that I struggle with rejection/abandonment and that I am triggered easily with various things. For example, if I text someone and they don't text back my brain will instantly go to a place of that I am a horrible person, they hate me! It's really difficult to explain to people that when I'm triggered I have very little control over what happens. I am NEVER physical but I can say things that might come across harsh. Problem is that I cannot regulate emotions like a normal person (EUPD) ... and as soon as I've had an outburst I am instantly regretful and hate myself even more for being that way. Luckily I've not had a situation like that for almost a year now.

I've met certainly people who would deliberately ghost me/block me/dump me... and obviously to someone with BPD it's like the end of the world. I can't quite express the physical and mental pain it causes.

I've just finished reading an awesome book called 'talking about BPD' ... I really recommend it.

I can't work due to other MH issues - relationships are a nightmare, cause unless you find someone who patient, understanding and supportive I don't feel like I have much hope of happiness.
My last partner couldn't cope... he would trigger me and then create hell when I reacted - which would end up with him dumping me causing my rejection trigger to go off the chart and it would start all over again.

Yes. I am always 100% honest about all my issues, I can't hide them, no point in not being honest x

Hi op, do you receive therapy, if so what kind & do you find it helpful?

I'm currently receiving CBT for PTSD and other issues. It's been okay so far :-)

I'm interested when you say, after an outburst, you regret what has happened. Do you have any insight at all DURING an outburst? I'm asking because DS (19) has been referred to personality disorder clinic- no diagnosis yet- but I'm trying to learn as much as I can about BPD. When he has an episode, he would argue against gravity! (and it's traumatic being on the receiving end as he is usually arguing about something much more personal and hurtful than scientific facts....) but, it seems to me, the key might possibly be if he could recognise the episode for what it is at the time, and know that he just had to endure it and it will pass.

Thanks for answering my question @TropicalSunday I’m glad you’re getting support, all the best in your healing

@BillyBilly reading up on emotional dysregulation may be helpful for you & your son www.verywellmind.com/what-is-dysregulation-5073868

Thanks for the recommendation @crispsarny . Will check that out.

@BillyBilly

I do regret it because in the moment I have no clue or ability to stop it. Our brains just don't have the capability of being able to rationalise a situation. Everything is black or white....

@TropicalSunday do you find more sense in the terms bpd, eupd or another diagnosis?

There's lots of different feelings about the changes in terminology

@Wedonttalkabout

BPD is sometimes called EPUD ... Some people feel that this describes the illness better. Some people who live with BPD think that the name is insulting or makes them feel labelled. Doctors don't use this term to make you feel judged or suggest that the illness is your fault.

Glad you’re getting support.
What is your relationship with your mother like?