I put myself into care. AMA

[KingofEverything]

I was 15. Feel free to ask me anything. NC due to it being very specific and outing!

Thank you all for being so lovely x

OP you sound amazingly strong and brave. Can I ask what happened with your mum?

@BobGalaxy

OP you sound amazingly strong and brave. Can I ask what happened with your mum?

My parents split when I was 2.5. She had two sons at the time to other men. Their relationship was violent. When my dad left he took me. She says she called the police but because she didn't feel he'd harm me like he did her that they didn't pursue him. He went to court to get custody, my mum didn't turn up to the hearing. She got pregnant after me too. My dad was very angry about both of those things, but I assume she was afraid or is not telling the whole story.

When I was 15 and left my dad I went to visit her. During my gcses my foster carers went abroad so I had nowhere to stay. SS thought it a good idea that I stay with her. It wasn't. She ended up screaming at me in front of her friend that she had PND (she was about 8 weeks pp from an unexpected pregnancy at 40) and a son in the cemetery, and didn't need me in her house. This was because I hadn't eaten her tea she made me the night before and binned it. It was rude of me to do that but I was 15 and don't think the response was justified. What was worse is her friend, another grown adult, was equally as disgusted with me.
Anyway, I don't have contact with her. I tried but my heart can't heal from the abandonment. Even if she had reasons I don't know. This was all made worse when I had my own children because I just can't fathom letting one go. 😔

Sorry for the essay..I guess its therapeutic somehow.

I’m sorry you were so very let down by your ‘parents’ You sound like a great parent and person. It must have been so hard leaving your dog too😢

@Myfilterisbroken

I’m sorry you were so very let down by your ‘parents’ You sound like a great parent and person. It must have been so hard leaving your dog too😢

It really was, much harder than leaving anything/anyone else. x

I'm an adopter too.
I'm so sorry to hear this and I'm so glad things have worked out for you.
Do you know what happened to your dog after you left? I'd like to see the day come when children going into care can keep their pets.

@Papergirl1968

I'm an adopter too. I'm so sorry to hear this and I'm so glad things have worked out for you. Do you know what happened to your dog after you left? I'd like to see the day come when children going into care can keep their pets.

He stayed with my dad and died of cancer about 6 years after. I wanted to report him but I felt too guilty at the thought of my dad being entirely alone (who knows why). I know now that the rspca probably wouldn't have done much anyway. When I left my dad he took an overdose. Whilst he was in hospital I went home to get my things and I said bye to him there. It was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever done. He was my friend. I wasn't allowed to socialise much out of school and I was left alone for long hours, but he was always there being silly. ❤

Must have been so hard, King.

Thank you, and thank you for adopting. It makes me so happy to hear of children finding the love they need and deserve x

@KingofEverything - firstly I admire you for being so strong and independent. I am currently looking after my daughter’s friend who is 16 and has been kicked out of the family home. She is determined to go down the independent route rather than the ‘looked after by social services route’. She is at college and also works as many hours as she can as a waitress. She probably could make it on her own but I don’t know if this is a good idea. What advice would you give her?

[quote Inastatus]@KingofEverything - firstly I admire you for being so strong and independent. I am currently looking after my daughter’s friend who is 16 and has been kicked out of the family home. She is determined to go down the independent route rather than the ‘looked after by social services route’. She is at college and also works as many hours as she can as a waitress. She probably could make it on her own but I don’t know if this is a good idea. What advice would you give her?[/quote]
Will she have a choice now she's 16? This was in 2003 onwards for me so I'm not sure how things have changed & what support will be like. At 16 they used to wash their hands of you.
It's hard to accept help if you've experienced trauma. It can feel like a weakness but it isnt. I am 33 now and only in recent years have I been able to be OK with it. I'm glad I accepted the help from social services now. I had a personal advisor who I'm still in touch with- he came to my graduation. I had my degree fully paid for and I accessed counselling via the young people's service. All of these things I think led me to where I am now, the counselling being the most important. If there's any help there I would take it. Having care leavers status opens doors to more help financially and at uni than not. I hope she's coping okay. ❤

They washed their hands of you if you didn't continue into further education I should add.

@KingofEverything - thank you. Yes, it’s different now because you have to stay in education until 18 so she has a choice of either being looked after or independent. You obviously had great support from social services and it sounds like she should definitely not rule out this option.