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AMA

Currently residing in a refuge AMA

45 replies

refugemum · 26/07/2021 08:47

3rd week here.with my dc

Never in a million years thought I'd ever be in this position.

AMA

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wizzywig · 26/07/2021 08:49

No questions op just wish you and your kids all the best. Please don't put your safety at risk by posting here x

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refugemum · 26/07/2021 08:52

Thank you

I've NC

Been on MN for 10 years I would never discuss location or anything that compromise anyone here.

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samwitwicky · 26/07/2021 08:56

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I hope that you come out the other side even stronger xx

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refugemum · 26/07/2021 08:59

Thank you

The clarity I now have from getting out is breathtaking.

Gaslighting and emotional abuse can be extremely damaging to both physical and mental health.

I think this isn't always recognised.

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Weloveoptimus · 26/07/2021 09:11

Does it almost feel like you are 'waking up' from a long foggy nightmare?

I know I slept properly all night for the first time in a looong while when I got myself and the children away.

Don't ever consider taking a step back EVER. You are amazing!

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refugemum · 26/07/2021 09:19

'Does it almost feel like you are 'waking up' from a long foggy nightmare?'

Thank you

It does indeed

I'm extremely angry with myself for staying in this loveless relationship for almost 14 years. My DC has paid the price as they have seen and heard such awful things in that time.

Without sounding ridiculous 3 weeks ago I was living in my own home which we own jointly, I've always worked until March this year when I became ill.

It's bought a true realisation that you just never know what occurs behind closed doors.

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SwanShaped · 26/07/2021 09:21

What’s the refuge like? I’ve worked in a few and they’ve really varied, from pretty grotty to nice.

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refugemum · 26/07/2021 09:22

'I know I slept properly all night for the first time in a looong while when I got myself and the children away.'

How I relate to this.

I have slept like a log since being here.

I'd barely get more than a few hours when I was still there.

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refugemum · 26/07/2021 09:26

'What’s the refuge like? I’ve worked in a few and they’ve really varied, from pretty grotty to nice.'

I've spoken to a couple of ladies who sadly have been in many of these places before. They both said this is the most supportive and best one.

The room isn't amazing but I bought our own bedding and photos etc from the house and we all have a cleaning rota to clean daily.

It helps that it's a nearby town which is beautiful and in walking distance and has an amazing park which dc loves.

As I've never had to claim anything or been in this position before the staff are incredible and supportive.

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SwanShaped · 26/07/2021 09:28

Glad it’s supportive. That’s the main thing. Also, can I just say, that I have the utmost respect for you. There’s women I met when I worked in one that I still think about years and years later.

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refugemum · 26/07/2021 09:31

Swan thank you

Although my self respect has been on the floor for not getting my dc out of the toxicity earlier on.

I actually felt I hadn't a choice and moving in with family and friends would have been awkward for many reasons.

Thanks for the kind words.

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SwanShaped · 26/07/2021 09:35

Well it’s like being an emotional hostage. And that person will simultaneously be your captor and your saviour. So tell you that you won’t cope without them, who would ever love you again etc. So it’s no wonder people are scared to leave.

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refugemum · 26/07/2021 09:41

That was quite different from my situation.

He couldn't wait to see the back of me.

The ladies here have said it's really unique circumstances.

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SwanShaped · 26/07/2021 09:50

That’s interesting. I’m glad you’re out!

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refugemum · 26/07/2021 20:33

Me too!!

Thank you

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SudokuZebra · 26/07/2021 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Seesawmummadaw · 26/07/2021 20:33

Are you okay?

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refugemum · 26/07/2021 20:39

Thank you

Yes we are ok, it's a very supportive culture. I'm desperate to get back to work though, and find a home for us.

Ex is making what could legally be very easy to sort as difficult as possible.

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Elys3 · 26/07/2021 20:51

What little things such as food, toiletries, etc could be provided that would make your stay easier / nicer? Flowers to you.

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refugemum · 26/07/2021 21:04

To be honest I'm very lucky to not be in a position where I'm struggling too much as managed to bring much of our stuff and worked up until March so still able to manage,

It bought tears to my eyes to see what is donated. The local 'posh supermarket' brings huge deliveries of food and clothes are constantly dropped off.

I will be donating all dc outgrown clothes and bikes, scooters, pushchairs etc when we move on.

That's a really lovely gesture by the way.

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refugemum · 26/07/2021 21:04

Thanks for the ThanksSmile

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Lovewineandchocolate · 26/07/2021 21:14

No questions OP, I just wanted to wish you the very best of luck. You seem to have determination and focus and I hope you get everything sorted as quick as possible.
Flowers Flowers

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Flak · 26/07/2021 21:17

No questions, just complete respect to you, you have done the very best thing for you and the DC Flowers

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PhoboPhobia · 26/07/2021 21:28

How old is your DC. Are they able to understand where you are and why?

You have done an incredible thing for your DC by getting out. I wish you so much happiness in your future.

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refugemum · 26/07/2021 21:32

Thank you so much for all the well wishes.

Dc is 10 and has been absolutely amazing. Although not really ready to talk, and I'm fearful
Much is being internalised. I feel dreadful guilt for not leaving years ago.

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