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AMA
Original poster

I suffer psychosis

80 replies

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 25/04/2021 21:50

I have a whole host of mental and physical health problems.
One of the things I suffer with is psychosis I hear voices and I hallucinate.

It's such a taboo subject, which is why I'm starting this thread. To spread awareness.

OP posts:
Welikebeingcosy · 26/04/2021 21:26

I'm not a therapist so take what I say with a pinch of salt but I spoke to an american therapist once who said we all have the voices of our parents growing up speaking to us even if we dont hear them literally. It could just be the way our thoughts are structuresd. As well as this you have all your different ages of inner child talking to you and trying to reach out to you and be heard. This always reminded me of psychosis. I used to have a really critical inner voice until I did a few sessions of family constellation therapy after hearing this from the therapist. You speak back to characters in the form of objects which represent your various family members and realign your place in the family in a loving way. Or you can do it in a group where strangers stand in the place of those family members. It's not an nhs thing you have to find a private practitioner but i found it really really helpful and it toned down those harsh critical thoughts. It's a deeper way to speak back to those aspects of yourself which seem to be manifesting themselves in an audible and visible way to you.

Welikebeingcosy · 26/04/2021 21:29

I'm not saying it will cure your psychosis but it may stop the ones which are harsh to you from being so harsh.

Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 26/04/2021 21:35

The voices sound as if they are in the room with me, or over my shoulder. Just like if there was a real person there.

I've heard of similar, welike in that it can be really helpful to acknowledge the most harsh voices as the part of you that needs the most love and compassion. That we all have these internal thoughts and sometimes all we need is to show ourselves the same love we'd show a friend or loved one. It's It's really interesting perspective.

OP posts:
Veryverycalmnow · 27/04/2021 19:15

So glad you have found support from some people. It's been really eye- opening for me to hear about this, so thanks for the thread. Good luck continuing to manage this.

Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 27/04/2021 20:01

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
Happyschool · 29/04/2021 22:04

This is a great thread as so rarely talked about. I speak to a family member every day who has psychosis and hears voices and we are so close in other ways but he’s never said what it’s like . So this has made me realise how hard it must be and maybe ask if he wants to talk about it.
He gets very tired from his drugs (closopene)

Dunnesstores · 29/04/2021 22:15

Hello, thanks for posting its really interesting to read what it's like from someone actually going through this rather than text book cases.

Can I ask and I hope I word this properly, where do you consider these voices to come from? Do you believe they are random voices or your thoughts manifested into voices or something else?

Apileofballyhoo · 29/04/2021 22:18

Thanks for sharing, OP. Just posted to say your own voice on here sounds very upbeat and fun. You sound like a lovely person.

Bellabelloo · 29/04/2021 22:27

So interesting. Thank you for sharing. Can you completely hide it? For example, if you were round a table of strangers? Or would they know that something was happening in your head?

Miljea · 29/04/2021 23:30

As everyone has said, thank for sharing and describing how it is for you.

I am a hard nosed bitch. 😂 I don't believe in woo, and think everyone should pull themselves together, for god's sake! ...

However, I am 100% aware of an auditory hallucination I have experienced several times. It's stupid, it'sbmundane, but it has happened. Compared to the brave OP, it's utterly trivial!

I am in my late 50s. My sleep is crap. I know I often go to work on a cumulative 3 hours' sleep. Wake/sleep/read/wake/sleep/alarm etc. But I'm part time (thank god).

But, pre Covid and DH and DS1 wfh, on my day off,I'd be alone in the morning after they'd gone to work, and -,the doorbell would ring. DH was always a keen buyer of 'bits' so it wasn't uncommon to get deliveries. And, he is a little bit over invested in the postal deliveries...

I'd be exhausted, relishing my much-needed lie in; disturbance at 7.30am as DH got up and went, then deeply asleep again, alongside florid dreams. Then 'the doorbell' would wake me up, cutting through my dream. Real as real. I might get up immediately to call to the delivery person from the front window to wait 20 seconds, or to drop and run- but - there was never anyone there.

It was an auditory hallucination. Day after day, til I learned to ignore it.

I in no way want to detract from the OP, here.

My story is to demonstrate how much us 'normals' 🙄😊 given the trivial nature of the intrusions, the not-real doorbell can fail to see what a small step it might be for 'other voices' to enter our heads.

Miljea · 29/04/2021 23:40

This, to me, also ties in with a recent thread (which my means of being on MN doesn't allow me save); The Unquiet Mind.

If anyone can link, that's great!

But the long and short was the amazing discovery that some of us have a constant, unending commentary going on in their brains!

The fact that some don't explains why, when we dreamily ask our OHs 'Hey, what are you thinking?' And they say 'Nothing'- they mean it! At 58 this came as a shock and revelation to me. Other people can go for periods of time with nothing bothering their minds!

So there's some sort of continuum between vacancy plus 'the odd random thought' , to a mind-full of others butting in happening, isn't there?

Northernsoullover · 29/04/2021 23:53

I have had the doorbell and hammering at the door too. Like Miljea said I'm also not for one minute comparing this to psychosis. Just acknowledging how utterly startling is is to hear a real life sound that isn't real.
This was a very interesting AMA and has completely changed lot of my beliefs about psychosis. I wish you the very best OP and thank you for sharing.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 30/04/2021 00:12

Really interesting thread @HerRoyalRisesAgain, thank you. My MH troubles are OCD but I too think I'm having the doorbell auditory hallucination in the night.
It must be very difficult parenting 3 dc with 5 other voices wanting attention. You sound like a very strong person dealing with huge difficulties that might sink many others. I like Invisimum. Lose her last!

Maggiesfarm · 30/04/2021 01:56

HerRoyalRisesAgain, thank you for starting this thread and for being so open.

You have three children and an ex.

Do you think it would be possible for someone who is psychotic to maintain a relationship, live together, marry?

Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 30/04/2021 07:05

Happyschool it must be very difficult for family supporting us Flowers

Dunnesstores its difficult to pinpoint. For me I feel like they are random but everyone keeps telling me it's my thoughts manifested as voices

Bellabelloo most of the time I'm able to hide it. Looking at me people wouldn't have a clue unless I was having a really bad day when I become very distressed with it.

Miljea many people have auditory hallucinations and don't even realise it. When you think you've heard someone call your name in the street fir example, or like you said, the doorbell but bi ones there.

Maggiesfarm I do think it's possible. It would take someone very strong though, as it can get very distressing not just for me but those around me.

Thank you to everyone else for your kind words

OP posts:
thelegohooverer · 30/04/2021 09:10

Thank you for the thread. It’s been a fascinating read.

@Miljea is this the thread you were thinking of?

Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 30/04/2021 15:17

thelegohooverer that's a really interesting thread. I have an internal monologue as well as my voices! It's exhausting!

OP posts:
Laggartha · 01/05/2021 20:19

What a fascinating, brave thread OP.

My question is, have you done any research about your condition?

Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 01/05/2021 22:01

Laggartha I have read others accounts, I've watched Ted talks, I've searched for information as to why this happens on the internet, so technically yes, I have researched. But not much comes up that is useful.

OP posts:
Laggartha · 02/05/2021 15:55

Thank you, that's interesting to know what reading is out there. I'm only familiar with the TED talk of one person's experience.

(I went looking for it, it's this one, I'm sure you're familiar, but thought others might be interested).

Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 02/05/2021 19:54

Yes. Shes fabulous. I found it really interesting when she talks about being kind to the worst voices as those are the parts of you that need more love.

OP posts:
Miljea · 02/05/2021 21:50

@thelegohooverer

Thank you for the thread. It’s been a fascinating read.

@Miljea is this the thread you were thinking of?

Yes, and thank you. I won't derail this thread, but that thread was a revaluation to me. Late 50s. To discover that there are people out there who actually aren't thinking anything at the moment.

Imagine! A quiet mind!

Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 02/05/2021 21:51

Imagine! A quiet mind!
I'd worry I'd gone mad WinkGrin

OP posts:
Miljea · 02/05/2021 21:56

I'd be sort of mooching around, going... 'um-anyone there?'- too!

My mind never stops. Not necessarily bad, or negative thoughts, but at any moment, if someone asked me 'what are you thinking right now?'- firstly I'd evaluate whether I wanted them to actually know what was going through my mind at that point!! 😂

Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 02/05/2021 22:06

Miljea I'm exactly the same. Even as I'm typing I have an internal monologue telling me what I'm typing. Should someone ask what I'm thinking right now the answer would be "I'm thinking about my reply to this thread"

OP posts:
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