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AMA

I suffer psychosis

80 replies

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 25/04/2021 21:50

I have a whole host of mental and physical health problems.
One of the things I suffer with is psychosis I hear voices and I hallucinate.

It's such a taboo subject, which is why I'm starting this thread. To spread awareness.

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FullofSurprises · 25/04/2021 23:15

What are your physical disabilities and are they caused (or contributed to) by the psychosis?

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 25/04/2021 23:15

Every voice except gollum is related to my mood, when I need something, so as you said, invisimum comes when I need some conpassion, the whisperer when I feel I'm not being listened to. Gollum is there all of the time and yes, says things my abusive ex used to. I do wish she'd shut up it's a constant barrage of insults and telling me I'm worthless. The voices seem aware of each other too, so if gollum is particularly bad one day, invisimum is there more often, as a kind of counter balance.

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 25/04/2021 23:17

My physical disabilities are hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome, Spondyloarthritis, Rheumatoid arthritis, psoriatic arthritis, de quervains tenosynovitis, and Subrapubic disfunction. They're not related to the psychosis, but the psychosis is worse when I'm in worse pain.

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Pinchoftums · 25/04/2021 23:21

Sending you lots of strength. You are doing amazingly. I have the fun of bipolar and had a number of psychotic episodes. I am so pleased you are using mindfulness as a technique. After my last episode I couldn't take drugs (massive reaction and loss of blood pressure) so used mindfulness, exercise, diet and acupuncture to "come down". Worked in about 5 days from.a huge high. I have had lots of voices and hallucinations. I found by accepting them and being a bit like "oh hi,, you again" once the fear goes they sort of fuck off.
Do you understand what I mean? Has this worked for you?

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QuiteGood · 25/04/2021 23:25

I have some of those physical conditions and other people in my family have some of the others, I do know that stress makes them worse. You poor thing. That’s a lot to have on your plate!

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northstars · 26/04/2021 01:54

Thank you so much for this thread, it’s been fascinating and please feel free to ignore my question if it’s too hard to answer or you’d rather not.

What was your childhood like? Did you have any trauma in your life (prior to your abusive ex)?

Again thank you for your honesty and I wish the best for you. It must be so difficult.

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altlife · 26/04/2021 02:39

This thread is fascinating, thank you for opening up.

Do other members of your family have similar conditions?

How do they handle it, and is there anything they do to help you cope? (Although it sounds like you're doing a great job yourself)

Have you ever done something you shouldn't, because one of the voices has told you to?

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 26/04/2021 06:43

I have come to accept the voices and hallucinations are part of my life. I think I'd feel lonely without some of them! Although clearly I'd be better off without others.

My childhood was great. My mum made sure we never wanted for anything and we are a very close family.

I have uncles and great uncle with schizophrenic and schizoaffective disorder. My great uncle died before I was born, but my uncles manage it with medication and therapy. So there's a family history of this kind of thing.

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 26/04/2021 06:45

And yes, I've done things I shouldn't because the voices told me to. I punched myself the other day because they told me to. There have been times I've had to put away my knitting because they're telling me to harm myself, and my mum has to hide all the medication I take and only give me what I need each day (she's my carer and comes each morning to help out) so I don't listen to the voices and overdose on them.

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 26/04/2021 16:31

Just bumping to see if anyone else has any questions

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heartcake · 26/04/2021 16:45

No questions but I wanted to say how brave you are. You have so much to cope with. You sound very lovely and I hope you do have peace and happiness at times in your life.
I am humbled by your strength.

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 26/04/2021 17:01

I don't feel strong at all. I'm justa regular person. I think of inspiring people and they're all so much more worthy than me. Malala is one that springs to mind. She's strong and inspiring. I'm just trying to get through life as best I can. But if answering questions and bringing awareness to psychosis helps someone, or it inspires someone then im pleased.
I just wish mental health was talked about more openly so people don't feel lonely

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CliffsofMohair · 26/04/2021 18:30

OP such a lot to deal with 💐
How do you fill your days?

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 26/04/2021 18:36

My days are spent doing mindfulness, trying to keep myself busy and running around after my 3 children. It's hard sometimes. Their dad only sees them once a week, and doesn't even have them for 24 hours. Doesn't pay a penny towards them. My oldest child refuses to see his dad at all.

My oldest is 12 and aware of my struggles. He has calmed me down when I've panicked over hallucinations and stuff. The other two are younger. They know mummy speaks to herself sometimes because she's a bit silly.

But yeah, my days are spent battling with my own mind and trying my best to keep on top of the housework and stuff. Due to my physical disabilities, my mum is my carer so she comes to help and she knows when my mood is fluctuating and helps talk me down too.

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thelegohooverer · 26/04/2021 19:59

Thanks for sharing this.

May I ask, when you talk about doing things because the voices tell you too, how much control do you have to resist what they are saying?

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 26/04/2021 20:15

The amount of control I feel I have varies depending on different things. So for example, if I've had a particularly bad night's sleep and I'm tired, I feel less in control. If I'm feeling down for whatever reason, I feel I lack control.
But on the flip side if I'm feeling upbeat and positive, I feel completely in control and can tell the voices to piss off because I'm not listening to them.

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Callywalls · 26/04/2021 20:19

My dh is with the Early Intervention team for psychosis and currently has a wonderful team of people working with him. He is also now on Olanzapine 10mg per day, having previously taken Quetiapine. I wondered if you are also with the Early intervention team and if so, do you know what will happen when the 3 years they allocate to each person are up? Do you know if you then go back to the GP? My husband also has a history of Schizophrenia in his family, although he is not Schizophrenic himself. Thank you for creating this post.

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 26/04/2021 20:24

I am with the EIT. I am 2 years into my 3 years and absolutely terrified of what will happen when my 3 years are up. As far as I know, I will go back to the GP, but I will double check with my care coordinator when she phones on the 5th, as I've no idea what will happen after I speak to the GP again, or who I'll be referred to. It's rather daunting knowing that my times almost up and ive only got worse as times gone on.

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Veryverycalmnow · 26/04/2021 20:36

Thanks for sharing this. Can I ask how people around you have reacted if you've told them? Have friends been supportive? It sounds like a really difficult thing to deal with on top of your physical disabilities.

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 26/04/2021 20:55

It's been a mixed bag as far as reactions go.

My old workplace manager and room leader were supportive but the other colleague who worked in the room with me was hostile towards me.

My ex partner, who was abusive anyway, became worse and then left me when I could no longer work, as I wasn't bringing in enough money for his liking.

I am autistic so have very few friends anyway. But I told one friend and it was quickly spread around her friendship group as gossip and ive had the police phoned on me claiming I was suicidal (I wasnt) and the ambulance turned up on my doorstep. I had to report them for harassment (the so called friend) in the end as she was causing all sorts of trouble. She is now very close to my ex...

Yet another friend, one I met on here actually, has been a huge support for me. She checks on me daily, she is there to listen if I need to rant, she helps calm me down, she is amazing.

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Callywalls · 26/04/2021 20:58

So sorry to hear you are terrified about what will happen when the 3 years are up. I didn't mean to worry you. We are in exactly the same position as my dh is also nearly 2 years into his time with the team and he too has got worse rather than better. I'm wondering if he'll then be referred to the local community mental health team, surely he won't be just cut off completely?

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 26/04/2021 21:02

Don't worry cally I was already terrified about it anyway! I presume there will be another team on hand to take over, but who they arenice no idea!

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Silvercatowner · 26/04/2021 21:03

OP I have nothing to add to the thread except to say that you are incredible and awesome.

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 26/04/2021 21:15

Thank you to everyone saying kind things.

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TinaYouFatLard · 26/04/2021 21:18

I wish you all the best in managing all this OP. It seems wrong to have found someone else’s plight so interesting, but it’s really insightful.

When you hear the voices do you hear them inside your head like when you imagine sounds or do you actually perceive the sound to be coming into your ears?