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I suffer psychosis

80 replies

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 25/04/2021 21:50

I have a whole host of mental and physical health problems.
One of the things I suffer with is psychosis I hear voices and I hallucinate.

It's such a taboo subject, which is why I'm starting this thread. To spread awareness.

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NeedATan · 25/04/2021 22:06

Thank you for opening up about it here. When did the symptoms first appear? How old were you? I guess it must have been scary and confusing. How are you doing now?

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GirlCrush · 25/04/2021 22:07

do you work? how do workplaces support with psychosis?

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 25/04/2021 22:14

The symptoms first started in summer of 2018. I was almost 27.
They've only gotten worse since unfortunately. I started with just 1 voice. I now have 5 and 3 visual hallucinations.

I did work until January 2020, but the constant barrage of voices became too difficult, that and my physical disabilities worsened which meant I could no longer safely do my job. I worked in a baby room ina nursery. Work were as helpful as they could be. Instead of having a long dinner break, I took 5 minutes here and there through the day when things got too much for me. I put them in contact with my MH team so they knew I was safe around the babies (the voices don't tell me to hurt people) and they in turn did everything they could to accommodate my needs. So shorter breaks as I mentioned, allowed me to cut my hours, made sure I was taking my meds etc.

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purpledagger · 25/04/2021 22:16

What do the voices say? And do they have distinct personalities?

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Ursulabea · 25/04/2021 22:19

What medication do you take?

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 25/04/2021 22:23

Yes all of my voices are very distinct from one another. I've named them.

Gollum: is very derogatory, nasty, wants me to hurt myself. Sounds like an old school teacher. Female.

Invisimum: tells me helpful things, like reminds me to turn off the oven etc. Sounds like my mum. Female

Whistle: whistles and laughs. Male

Whisper: whispers and mutters. Can't quite make out whats being said but the voice is male.

And finally shouter: randomly calls out my name. I could be in bed, in the street, in my living room just every now and then I hear my name being shouted. Female voice.


Medication I'm currently on citalopram and olanzapine. I used to be on quetiapine, but as it wasn't working they swapped me to the olanzapine. I've only been on that for 2 months. I've not noticed a difference in the voices, but have noticed my mood has improved since taking it.

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Amammai · 25/04/2021 22:26

Do you know what May have triggered your condition?

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 25/04/2021 22:29

It was when my depression worsened, due to abuse from my ex that triggered it. I'm no longer suffering depression (thanks to the meds) but the psychosis never left.

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Haffdonga · 25/04/2021 22:36

Hallucinations sound very frightening. When you hallucinate do you know at some level that it's not really happening? Or do you realise later or only when it's been explained to you?

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 25/04/2021 22:40

I know on some level they can't possibly be real. I have 3 that are common.
The owl, flies through a closed window so can't be real, the face is just a face. No body, so can't be real and the demon is a demon, and so can't be real.
But at the same time they feel real and I can interact with them as if they are. The owl I can feel it's feathers, the face taps on my window and the demon grabs my legs and I can feel its breath on me. So even though there's that part of me that knows, it's still terrifying especially when I'm alone and get caught up in the hallucination.

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Dancingsmile · 25/04/2021 22:42

How hard for you and amazing you're being so open about it.
Will it get better with a counselling drug combination or is everyone different ?

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 25/04/2021 22:43

Everyone is different. My MH team has stopped telling me that they will improve and started working on how I can live life with them and not be too distressed by it

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therestissilence · 25/04/2021 22:45

Go back to your GP. It's an illness and can't be pushed aside. Two decades ago I was convinced I could move things with my mind, and I had a colony of miniature Native Americans following me (pointing spears at me) for about a year. Oh and a teddy bear and barbie doll who were constantly waltzing in front of me, whenever they got the chance. And other things. For me, it was time in an institution, but that was not necessary. Go to your GP and don't take no for an answer. I'm so angry that two decades on, you're (seemingly) not being treated properly. Just don't take no for an answer.

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Backstreetsbackalrightdadada · 25/04/2021 22:47

No questions but just wanted to say how impressive you are, great idea for a thread and thank you for sharing your experiences, very educational.

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 25/04/2021 22:48

I've seen my GP many times. I have a whole team around me, psychiatrists, psychologists, MH nurses, I have contact weekly. They are all just trying to help me live with the hallucinations and voices as best as they can. This is what they do for everyone apparently. I'm on a waiting list for therapy, but the list is long.

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TheOpen · 25/04/2021 22:49

What strategies do your MH team suggest to help you to live alongside the hallucinations and voices?

Also - do the voices wake you? Eg the one that shouts your name?

Thank you for sharing.

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IdblowJonSnow · 25/04/2021 22:50

Thanks for sharing op. I'm glad you're getting support.
Do you hope to return to work?

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QuiteGood · 25/04/2021 22:52

Thanks for sharing. Do the voices and hallucinations cause anxiety? Or have you come to accept them peacefully?

Is it common for this to happen out of the blue? I know there’s a context but at 27, it sounds quite old to come on. I thought teens or early twenties would be more typical but that’s me guessing.

Do you interact with them at all?

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 25/04/2021 22:53

Strategies include mindfulness, meditation, distraction, talking back to the voices, lists of nice things about me that I can read when the voices get bad, a list of all the rational things the hallucinations could be (cat in the dark etc) colouring, any other hobby I have, a self soothe box, basically a box full of bits and bobs to soothe myself and distract myself.

I have been woken many times by voices, but since switching meds I'm sleeping a lot better and haven't been woken in a month or so, I forgot what a good night's sleep felt like as previously I was only getting 3 to 4 hours. Now I sleep anywhere between 6 and 8 hours. It's great Grin

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awesomekillick · 25/04/2021 22:53

Can you say whether you could see your type of psychosis resulting in the type of "word of god" or "spiritual voices" the likes of Joan of Arc or Abraham experienced? I assume psychosis isn't a modern thing, it must have been around since forever, so I've often wondered whether psychosis or as responsible for that type of experience which in the past was put down to god speaking.

I'm very touched that you shared your experience. It sounds very frightening to me, but that doesn't come across from your post.

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QuiteGood · 25/04/2021 22:56

Also I’m so sorry this happened to you and that your abusive ex causes this. It sounds like you must have been under so much pressure and distress for this to be the result. I hope over time as you heal emotionally they go and leave you be.

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 25/04/2021 22:59

The voices do cause anxiety, especially if I'm feeling low, or it's a new vojce I've never heard before. The 5 I hear regularly I'm kind if at the point of "I guess these are just part of life now"
Apparently many many people hear voices and it's more common than we realise as people don't talk about it out of fear they will be seen as crazy.

I do sometimes interact with them. I'll answer them back sometimes, others I have to catch myself before I do what they tell me.

I do hope to one day return to work but not in a nursery, as my physical disabilities make that impossible, I just cabt run around after the children anymore.

I'd hope I don't go all word of God, considering I don't believe in God. But that doesn't stop me seeing a demon, so who knows Grin

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HerRoyalRisesAgain · 25/04/2021 23:01

Oh gosh. The typos. Blush

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QuiteGood · 25/04/2021 23:08

I’ve read before that it’s more common than we think. I haven’t heard any but when I’ve been really sleep deprived I have felt quite confused and a bit scared. When nodding off I’ve had weird sensations but that’s the closest I can relate to. I have worked with people who hear voices due to psychosis or schizophrenia but no one has ever said AMA- so I haven’t! Usually medication has silenced them and they only come back when they have stopped taking it but I have worked with the odd person that have continued to hear voices in spite of regular meds use.

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TitsalinaBumSquash · 25/04/2021 23:10

Thank you I for this thread, it's fascinating. I have some questions please, don't feel you have to answer if you're not comfortable with them.

Do you think the voices are relevant to how you're feeling at the time or are they all significant from certain moments in your life? Does the 'mum' voice come when you feel like you need some comfort and reassurance? Does Gollum stem say the things your abusive ex used too? Does the whisperer come from a time when you didn't feel listened to etc? Or are they random?
Do you ever feel like you can have peace and quiet or so they never let you have alone time?

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