I'm a foster carer and adopter AMA

[iusedtohavechickens]

As I said in title, I foster and have adopted one of my fosterlings, happy to answer questions xx

I have a few..

Did you take any courses beforehand?

Did you have to have one bedroom completely spare? I have 3 boys but they share a room. Would the fact that I have 3 boys in one room and one spare mean that they would not classify me as having a spare room?

How long do placements typically last?

Can you work part time while fostering?

Firstly, thank you for what you do.

These tiny babies or young children that get placed with you and you form a bond then they are either adopted/go back to their family etc. Do you get emotional?

@gerbilfur

We had 3 birth children and two had to share a bedroom to give us the spare room.

If you go for an older age range, school age and above, you can still work during the day and if you work evenings and you have another adult at home then you can work evenings. There are sloth of meetings to attend during the day especially when a placement begins which you would need to attend. My shortest placement had been 24 hours and my longest (not including the one we adopted) was 16 months.
We have had small gaps between placements (10 days) and long time between placements 8 mths so it's wise to make sure you have some savings x

@SweetAsANutt

Thank you!

Yes we get very attached, we adopted the youngest baby that was placed with us, she was 18 hours old when she came into our care.
We've had some stressful placements that although they broke down we still worried about them.

The best thing about them moving onto adoption is that all of ours have stayed in contact. The hardest move was the one who went back to parents and although it wasn't necessarily the wrong thing in my opinion it happened too quickly and risked breaking down again.

We even get attatched to the older ones, I had a lovely 12 year old, some children just fit 🥰

I was never in foster care, but I have two good friends that were.

Honestly, I admire you so much. I could not do what you do.

The foster carers that fostered my friends were life savers. Truly. I have so much respect for what you do, and whatever you get paid, it isn't enough.

God bless

When relationships break down what are the typical escalation and intervention steps? Do you get lots of support?

@CookieDoughKid

In theory we should get lots of support however unfortunately for us the social worker we had at the time of our placement breakdown was not supportive in the least. He kept telling me the child was happy with us and wouldn't listen when I told him I wasn't coping. This child made our home miserable for everyone in it, my birth children were sleeping at friends and with relatives to get away from him and being witness to the abuse he aimed at me. We lasted 7 weeks and it took me phoning at 11pm at night to a duty social worker saying that he needed to be removed the next day or o would be bringing him to the office to drop him off. I was broken at this point. Despite all this I still wanted them to find the right home for him to move onto. I felt like a failure, I questioned everything I could have done differently.
At the meeting held by managers following the breakdown they pointed out everything amazing I did for him, got him into a routine and from a child who didn't sleep to a child who slept all night. It was my first placement and I was heartbroken at having to end it but ultimately I had to put my children first.

Our new social worker is amazing, we have weekly visits in the first 6 weeks of placement, she phones in the eve to check how I am, asks me if I need anything! If I was to have that placement again now having the experience I have now and the social worker I have now, I believe things would have been different, not that I would have kept him longer but that I wouldn't have had to turn into a mess before someone listened to me.

X

I think it's an amazing thing you are doing. It's not all fairy tale like in the movies.

What has been the things that have helped the FC feel settled in the most? I'm not far off panel so hopefully will be approved but I'm a little bit concerned that already a meeting has been cancelled with no notice, at the house assessment the person didn't really seem to know why they were there and at the personal assessment 2 people were due to do it but one didn't turn up due, with no explanation or courtesy call. Is it always a bit symbolic like this or have I just been unlucky?

How much do you get paid?

Just curious as I would have no clue what the pay is like for such an important ' job'.

I met some foster carers whilst my babies were in premature SCBU - there was one baby whose birth mother visited in the evenings and the intended foster mother in the morning - is this normal?

Do birth parents continue to have a certain level of contact?

@HastingsIsSuckingDiesel

How much do you get paid?

Just curious as I would have no clue what the pay is like for such an important ' job'.

It can be very "well" paid - I looked it up after meeting some foster parents a while back. Our area pays between £350-£1500 per week and the government allows a big chunk of it tax free (on top of your normal tax free allowance)

How old were your children OP and how has it affected them other than that specific placement you mentioned. I would love to Foster but my DS is too young at the minute and even when older I wonder if it would be unfair to him

Can you specify an age range?

Do you have pressure on you to be perfect with very high expectations even with very challenging children?

Surely fostering has a negative impact on your children, birth and adopted alike, even with easier placements than the one where your birth children were staying with relatives to get away? Have you had to stop fostering after you adopted one of your foster children? I can’t imagine a typical fostering set-up, with children there temporarily being good for an adopted child’s need for permanence...?

@EdwardWoodwoodWould

What has been the things that have helped the FC feel settled in the most? I'm not far off panel so hopefully will be approved but I'm a little bit concerned that already a meeting has been cancelled with no notice, at the house assessment the person didn't really seem to know why they were there and at the personal assessment 2 people were due to do it but one didn't turn up due, with no explanation or courtesy call. Is it always a bit symbolic like this or have I just been unlucky?

Hiya and welcome to the foster wagon!!

It's hard to pin point a specific thing but routine is something the children adapt to very quickly. Children turn up all hours of the day or night and you have to follow gut instinct.

The hardest thing to crack is usually sleeping. Not only have these children been removed from their homes they also have to learn to sleep in their own beds as they've been used to sleeping in with their parents. I have spent many a night sleeping on the hall way floor so that I can get straight up to settle the children quickly.

Food can also be an issue and for ones who have had little access to food find it comforting to have their own basket that has food in it that they are allowed access to all the time.

Hope everything goes well at panel!

@EdwardWoodwoodWould

Depends on who you get, sometimes I have found myself frustrated with how things are being dealt with and other people have been amazing!

You will be under a bee team when you are approved so fingers crossed you will have a better experience with the new team. I think covid has changed how sw go about approval paperwork so hopefully it's just a glitch xx

@HastingsIsSuckingDiesel

Payments fir foster carers are usually broken down to three tiers depending on experience.

Level one is basic, level two is if you have your own children plus childcare experience and level three is for carers who have extensive knowledge of mental health or working with teens and all of the level two. Level three can be achieved after fostering and gaining experience over time.

My local authority pay the follow for each level (approx)

Level 1 £160 per child per week

Level 2 335 per child per week

Level 3 £480 per child per week.

From this we are expected to give children pocket money, savings, clothing allowance and pay ourselves holiday pay. The pocket money and savings amounts depend on the age of the child.

@ivfbeenbusy

When I visited my adopted daughter at hospital she was only owed in for two visits per week at a time that was arranged by a social worker for a max of 1.5 hours. I was allowed to visit as much as I wanted (was there 3 x a day in between caring for my own children.)

During court proceedings (which usually take 12-24 weeks) parents will be awarded contact by a judge. This can vary depending on the circumstances but generally is 2/3 x per week and each visit is 1-1.5 hours and supervised.

If a child has a full care order contact usually drops to 6 x per year for 1.5 hours. If adopted contact stops with birth family.

If a child enters care on a section 20 they can be allowed unsupervised contact to be arranged between all the different parties.

Please remember though that it does all depend on circumstance and can be more or less x

@ivfbeenbusy you are right about it being tax free. We get our personal allowance, plus £10,000 allowance on top and for every child we care for we get an allowance of £250 per child per week before we have to pay tax. In my 5 years I haven't paid any tax on my income but that is because it is for the child, pays for extra electricity and gas they may use, for clubs clothing and food. It sounds like a lot of money but actually if your in it for the right reasons your not usually left with much!

@Brunilde

My youngest at the time was 8 at the time. The placement breakdown was very hard for her as she hated hearing me being abused by the child.
A positive is that my children have realised how lucky they are.

@cataclysmiclife

We have been approved for 0-18 with a preference of 0-5. We have taken children upto 12 years as we have been asked to look at their profile and if we think they will for then we are always willing to help.

You sound wonderful.
What was your motivation in becoming a foster career? Was your partner equally on board?
What happened to the boy who didn't settle in with you?

@SpringTimeDream

It does feel like that sometimes, it's hard because you can't always always do for foster children something you would do for your own children.
I set out my house rules very early on and try to be honest with the children.

If I need to rant I can phone my social worker as she's very supportive so if I'm not sure what I should do in a particular situation if I'm unsure. I also have a very close network of foster carer friends so can always shout out to them and we help each other whenever needed if things are getting a little too much.

I think the thing I worry most about is when they get bruises. We encourage our children to play in the garden abs go for walks and parks which results in bruising as you would expect but I get so paranoid the parents will accuse me of hurting their children!

Parents will always pick holes in anything you do, dress their children in, presents you give them, photos ect. Social workers are pretty on the ball and if bruising is brought up (and you have to keep detailed records and body maps if they get hurt) they know that they are normal x