I Have Borderline Personality Disorder AMA

[LadyInParis]

So, there are so so many misunderstandings and lack of information on this disorder. Some think it’s less bad than it is, some think it makes us the devil himself! I’m curious as to what you would want to know about my personal experience with this disorder, and to answer some questions so.. Feel free! (Ps this feels so weird and self centered but I’m currently lay in bed in Paris with no friends and in lock down and I don’t speak the language well and my mood isn’t too good, so I thought perhaps a dialogue and talk about this may help me feel a little more, well, useful I guess. And something to focus on that isn’t the entire home I have to clear out and clean and declutter and decorate!) AMA

Oh to add- I am branching out on mumsnet, from just aibu and relationships and was looking for home advice that would help me in my declutter etc, and stumbled on this and found it fascinating so it’s my first branch out.. I will also post on home to see what advice people have for motivation and making a small apartment more minimalist etc. I would like to get more involved beside just aibu and relationships! Anyway.. AMA

Are you formally diagnosed?

How many assessments, appointments, how long did it take to be diagnosed?

What led to your diagnosis?

At what age were you diagnosed? How long did diagnosis take from seeking help/ assessment? How did your early symptoms present?

What do you think caused it?

My DD (18) has BPD and it's been a wild ride over the last 5 years. How are you coping each day? Are you on medication?

How do you find your relationships with close family? Do you think they are supportive and do they have a good understanding of your condition?

It was a long and really hard process that took many years to actually get right. In the beginning I had to fight hard for my first and incorrect diagnoses of bipolar disorder. Once I had found a good gp who finally listened to my issues and took them seriously, I was referred to a psychiatrist who gave me a questionnaire and on that basis I was diagnosed with, and medically treated for, bipolar disorder. Well more specifically “cyclothymia” which is a form of bipolar 2 disorder and meant I had rapid mood swings (compared to bipolar 1 in which mood swings last days or weeks) my mood swings could change in a second, I only went hypo manic (kind of half manic) apart from a couple of very bad full manic episodes. I did however experience the full depression. Over the years something seemed off. My moods didn’t change like they used to. I wasn’t on and off any longer. My moods seemed to be in line with triggers. And medication didn’t work when the moods were present; I had gone through almost all the combinations of medications and they failed. Something was off, medication not working, the mood switches had calmed down and seemed to be more reactions than uncontrollable mood swings. And so I went back to another doctor and went through a similar process of referral to psychiatrist, who asked in person some questions, as well as a questionnaire, and he also discussed with me and my partner together the issues. I believe there are certain criteria and as I fit those criteria I was re diagnosed. According to the psychiatrist, borderline disorder and bipolar disorder can be very easily misdiagnosed. As they can have similar symptoms, often borderline disorder is misdiagnosed as borderline disorder. And after several discussions, things did fall into place and finally made sense. It’s been an ordeal just to get diagnosed but I finally feel I have the right diagnosis, as does my doctor and psychiatrist.

Do you have impulsive behaviours? I understand that's a part of it.
Do you think something "triggered" it?
I'm PTSD btw x

CheshireCats

At what age were you diagnosed? How long did diagnosis take from seeking help/ assessment? How did your early symptoms present?

It was a very hard road; as above I was misdiagnosed. I knew from a really young age that my moods and my feelings weren’t normal and since I had no parents (mum committed suicide and dad not present) I knew something was off but had no support so my first early experience was I think age 16. I went to the doctor and explained everything. She basically laughed me out of the office saying all teenagers have mood swings. I knew in my mind that going from laughing and feeling great, to crying and wanting to die (even making plans) wasn’t normal. That was the end of that as I felt so foolish, until I went to university and found a good doctor who referred me and this led to the first diagnosis of bipolar 2 cyclothymia. I was I think 21 by that time.

JesusInTheCabbageVan

What do you think caused it?

Personally I think early trauma and possibly genetic also. Definitely more the trauma I experienced as a child. Loss of a parent, lack of a loving father, watching abuse and my mum being wheeled out by paramedics throwing up pills, being passed from family member to family member being often a scapegoat and in toxic environments for many years, with no stable parenting or love. So much fear of abandonment and such. But my mother when I look back I do believe displayed symptoms of mental health issues, and mental health issues run in both sides of my family.

pinotgrigio

My DD (18) has BPD and it's been a wild ride over the last 5 years. How are you coping each day? Are you on medication?

It’s very difficult to be the person on the other side. There is no medication for borderline personality disorder, but there are therapies for it. I cope day to day as best I can but I am currently struggling very much and I know I need to seek out a good therapist for dialectical therapy I think it’s called. (DBT) so this may help her (and me!) It’s been hard for my partner to work through too, and with his help I manage day to day but I know I put too much pressure on him and need to seek my own help. I try day to day to self reflect as much as I can, and I have done well improving my reactions by taking time to react rather than blowing up immediately. For your daughter she could try DBT and also try to find ways to stop before she reacts as it does help (but is hard)

How do you find your relationships with close family? Do you think they are supportive and do they have a good understanding of your condition?

The close family I have (my aunt and grandad and uncle) and my partner are very understanding. My family know enough to understand why I can cut them off one minute for no reason (in my mind some slight or trigger but not based on reality) and the next be very needy and clingy and they accept me, they explain their confusion and I explain and apologise and that’s that- it’s forgotten and back to normal so I am lucky in that sense. It’s harder for my partner as it is every day, but as I said above I have started practising waiting to respond and thinking things through before I react, instead of lashing out immediately. It doesn’t always work and for him it is so very hard. I’m lucky that I have him and his support and love but I see how tired he is and how on eggshells he gets at times and the shame in me is what led to me trying my best to wait before I react. It is very trying for him, very much so. He has to do a lot to help me especially when I get into psychiatric breakdown and he has to take knives and pills away from me and we are trying to put help into place. But being in France and COVID and a lack of DBT therapists, all adds to a very difficult process that is taking more time than I would like. My family I simply explained in general and they accepted me and my explanation. My partner as we spend each day together has done a lot of research into it. In fact when I got the second diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, I researched how it feels for those on the receiving end of it in partnerships, to see how it affects him, and he did research on people who have it so he can more understand what I feel and why I behave the way I do, and this helped greatly. In the beginning my behaviour was disgusting. In time I learned some techniques and now I am much much better but it is still hard for him despite his in depth knowledge and understanding.

Nicknamegoeshere

Do you have impulsive behaviours? I understand that's a part of it.

For sure. Self harm is something I have to try to not do when I get into hate myself mode. It’s my go to impulse to hurt myself and plan suicide. I have scratched my entire face as hard as I can in front of my partner and held scissors to my neck and much more. I am impulsive with money- reckless actually. I can up sticks and move country and think nothing of it- have the idea to go and book that minute and be off the next day. My impulsive behaviour isn’t necessarily targeted at one particular thing per se- more reckless dangerous behaviour. Things have to be clean and if they aren’t I can’t cope. I’m currently bedbound because I can keep my bed tidy and organised and know where things are, where as my apartment is scary for me as it needs cleaning and organising and the thoughts of the clutter and the things that need doing are so so intrusive. That’s more the control aspect. I can’t do my cleaning but I hate when my fiancé does it as he doesn’t do it how I do so control is also a big issue. I hope that answers your question? If you meant other impulsive things please do ask!

Do you think something "triggered" it?
I'm PTSD btw x

Yes, as above I think my childhood which was basically full of being left (the main one my mum committing suicide and leaving me forever by choice) and abuse and no one really caring for me (I was 13 when she died) really triggered it. As did the things I saw when she was alive- physical beating from my stepdad, terrible abuse. And much more. I’m sorry for your ptsd. I sometimes wonder if borderline and ptsd can go hand in hand as much of my borderline behaviour is triggered by my past. If for example I think my partner doesn’t care anymore, it triggers those emotions in the past of my mum and everything else I went through and goes from an imagined slight to a massive flashback and avalanche of fear and anger and sadness and whatnot. I empathise with you as it isn’t easy

You childhood sounds really traumatic. I know they say BPD is caused by genetic and environmental factors.

Yes, DD has been doing DBT to help manage her meltdowns. She's not really engaging with it though - she wants a magic bullet. If she's in the middle of a meltdown in the school principal's office, telling her to do a plank isn't going to get you very far! I'm hoping she'll engage more with the therapy as she matures.

DD is on a relatively high dose of anti-psychotics. These were prescribed in Australia though, I think the UK manages that type of medication with more caution, particularly in under 18s (DD was 15 when she was put on them, after multiple other combinations of medication were ineffective). Her UK psychiatrist has however advised not to change the current prescription, so we will continue for now.

DD's psychiatrist is also considering bi-polar as a secondary diagnosis to BPD, as her emotional response to things is more extreme than "BPD Normal" and he wonders if bi-polar disorder is also at play.

It's great that you've looked into the impact on family members, it's truly very difficult to see somebody you love in so much pain with BPD but also very difficult to bear the brunt of an angry, slighted BPD person! My DD can take offence at the merest twitch of an eyebrow and will massively over-interpret anything I say or do if she's getting emotional over something. Then all hell breaks lose!

I wish you well and hope you find somebody to help with DBT soon .

pinotgrigio

Everything you said is so true. I just broke down crying because I feel like I’m not good enough for him and he’s made a nice meal and I’m crying and can’t do anything. It’s horrible for both sides because he’s cooked a lovely meal and I’m crying! And he has to try to cheer me up. It is so hard for the other party. The most tiny of things can be a massive blow up. I remember once we had had an argument probably an imagined slight of mine. He made me a tea to try to kind of give an olive branch. And because I felt like he was not loving me enough and not caring enough or whatever feeling of loss I had at that moment, when he brought the tea and left me to some space, I sat for a few minutes and thought to myself - he thinks he can end the whole argument and get his way and have everything ok by bribing me with a tea?! And it will all be ok just like that? Does he think I am stupid? And I took the tea and said keep your fucking tea and threw it up the walls and door. In my mind at the time it made sense. Afterwards the shame was just unbearable. I felt so ridiculous. I was so ridiculous! He made me a tea and that I took such offence at! I have calmed since then but I am older and I haven’t had much by way of mental health support nor parents so I suspect your daughter - with an obviously loving mum, and therapy, and some time to mature, has a great prognosis. And from someone who has the same as your daughter- I can tell you that although it is awful, she is so terrified of losing you that she behaves this way. It’s like a backward language you have to dicifer - when she tells you she hates you and wishes you were dead or whatever she says, what she really means is mum I love you and I’m so so scared I will lose you so I am pushing you away to make it easier when you leave me but I love you mum. It’s like an opposite language that you have to learn. When she says hate she means love. When she says go away she means mummy don’t leave me. Etc

You poor thing - I think people really don't understand the pain of the heightened emotions that BPD suffers feel. I looked into a couple of forums for parents of people with BPD and pretty much they were all washing their hands of their children, saying it was too much. This of course plays into the fear of abandonment that runs deeply through the disorder that you've mentioned.

It sounds like you have a very supportive boyfriend and some really great insights. This AMA is such a good idea as the condition is so misunderstood. I've had to work very closely with DD's schools to get them to understand the disorder and they've been very good in supporting her. I'm a bit nervous about her going out into the workforce at some point though - how have you been at work?

Also, there seems to be a lot of financial and other support for BPD sufferers who go into higher education, is this something you did?

I hope you're feeling better, the emotions must be so exhausting.

Oh and DD is also super reckless! I have actively discouraged driving for now in case she just yells "YOLO!" and drives into a wall or through red lights or into another car because they cut her up.

She has done everything - deep cuts, pills, burns, anorexia, bulimia, psych wards, suicide, rehab, psych wards, expelled 3 times - literally everything you would not wish your daughter to have experience of, we've been there.

Touch wood, she's pretty stable at the moment, but I put that down to the anti-psychotics, they're a massive chemical cosh.

pinotgrigio

I’m so sorry for all you’re going through. I can relate to her to some extent. I remember riding my motorbike and for about 5 seconds I closed my eyes. I felt like I was flying! Of course in reality I could have killed myself or others (though it was a very dark and people free road but not the point).

Through university I was classed as having bipolar disorder but despite the fact it was a misdiagnosis I did get an extreme amount of help, yes. Some financial, some in terms of things like extra time in exams or essays, being able to have my own single room for tests as I found the noise of other people typing coughing etc too overwhelming, a free computer and printer, and a support person as well as other things like counselling and whatnot. I don’t know how it is now as this was when I was younger- I skipped a year so I would have been 20 through to 23 ish (I’m now 33 with a new diagnosis of borderline personality disorder not bipolar) but with all the mental health awareness these days I’d imagine she will get similar help. As for work I really struggle in that area. So I do things that are creative and self employed and on my own time. Making things to sell. If I can’t work luckily my fiancé has a very good job but my hopes for the future are that I can be totally financially independent. Thank you for saying it’s a good idea to post- I thought similar as it is so misunderstood! So hopefully it will help some.

I think people really don't understand the pain of the heightened emotions that BPD suffers feel. I looked into a couple of forums for parents of people with BPD and pretty much they were all washing their hands of their children, saying it was too much. This of course plays into the fear of abandonment that runs deeply through the disorder that you've mentioned.

This times a million. Your daughter is very lucky and I am very glad for her she will have the support I didn’t have as it will strengthen her once she is a little older and wiser and give her the tools to cope without having to learn the hard and long way like me. She loves you of that I have no doubt. I have found that anyone I don’t particularly care for I can cut off without a second thought, quite a cold part of the disorder. For example my brother. He did something I found morally reprehensible (not to me) and I cut him off I couldn’t cope with the knowledge he could be so evil, and so if she didn’t love you she would go the other way of cutting you off. Just remember the backwards language thing. I hate you means I love you. Go away means I need space right now but I can’t express that but please don’t leave me etc.

She has done everything - deep cuts, pills, burns, anorexia, bulimia, psych wards, suicide, rehab, psych wards, expelled 3 times - literally everything you would not wish your daughter to have experience of, we've been there.

She sounds like me except slightly different kinds of bad. I don’t have bulimia but I will refuse to eat to punish myself. Been to psych too. Cut arms. Taken pills. All the same as your daughter just slightly different. It’s not her it’s the condition. And it’s so hard for you as you’re a victim of the condition too.

Touch wood, she's pretty stable at the moment, but I put that down to the anti-psychotics, they're a massive chemical cosh.

I’m very glad for this. It will give the space and clarity she will need to engage in therapy and other help and sounds a great starting point and I wish the best for you both.

I’m feeling better thank you. I had the dinner he made it was lovely and I went and gave him a hug and thanked him. Sometimes I find it hard to express my love. Especially in physical ways. But when I can, I do. Hugs, holding hands when I can do it I do. I don’t know if your daughter finds it hard to express love too? Maybe that’s not part of it that could just be me!

Bless you for saying you feel for me, honestly, I think you and my DD and the other people with BPD are the ones having to deal with this, and the misunderstanding of the condition on a daily basis. I hope I haven't derailed your thread and that our conversation will be helpful for others. You've explained things so eloquently.

It's interesting to hear that you too struggle with work. DD is the same, I had to collect her 45 minutes into her work experience last year as somebody 'looked at her oddly' (she was hyper-ventilating and in tears in the toilets poor thing). She's definitely thinking of more creative, self-employed type work, which makes sense as she would be in control and mirrors what you have said. She is quite poor with money too, but has started to talk about savings accounts this week, so I think we're making strides there too!

DD also has trouble showing physical affection. She gave me a hug on Christmas Day and I was so happy! For all of the negative things I've said, it's worth mentioning that she is lovely, empathetic and I enjoy her company, it's not all bad and I'm sure you're the same. I know how to keep things on an even emotional keel with her and also take her cues if she needs space or wants to stop a conversation. Sometimes I even get away with very mild ribbing , but generally it's not a good idea to go there!

I'm glad things have settled down and you are feeling better. The emotional roller-coaster must be so exhausting for you.

pinotgrigio

Bless you for saying you feel for me, honestly, I think you and my DD and the other people with BPD are the ones having to deal with this, and the misunderstanding of the condition on a daily basis. I hope I haven't derailed your thread and that our conversation will be helpful for others. You've explained things so eloquently.

It’s my pleasure and a derail that is informative and helps others- even just you me and your daughter - is one worth having! I hope it’s helpful for others too. And remember whilst we have to deal with it- so do you and it’s just as hard for you! Don’t downplay that and make sure you look after you :) well both of you!

It's interesting to hear that you too struggle with work. DD is the same, I had to collect her 45 minutes into her work experience last year as somebody 'looked at her oddly' (she was hyper-ventilating and in tears in the toilets poor thing). She's definitely thinking of more creative, self-employed type work, which makes sense as she would be in control and mirrors what you have said. She is quite poor with money too, but has started to talk about savings accounts this week, so I think we're making strides there too!

Yes I have walked out of many jobs for reasons most people wouldn’t consider and it’s really hard, since she’s young if she gets on the path to her own creative income making now, she will do great in the future! We do sound similar in terms of symptoms of the disorder. So we’re not alone! Also great she’s learning money early! She’s really in a great position with you and what you’re putting in place and teaching her. It isn’t easy and you should be proud as should she!!

DD also has trouble showing physical affection. She gave me a hug on Christmas Day and I was so happy! For all of the negative things I've said, it's worth mentioning that she is lovely, empathetic and I enjoy her company, it's not all bad and I'm sure you're the same. I know how to keep things on an even emotional keel with her and also take her cues if she needs space or wants to stop a conversation. Sometimes I even get away with very mild ribbing wink, but generally it's not a good idea to go there!

This is exactly it too! I can struggle to say (but it’s the truth) that I am terribly kind to a fault at times, loving, loyal, and genuine and I am a great person (oh god cringe!) I guess the point were both making is we are not our condition. We are still people, we just feel things differently and struggle with things other people don’t. And I’m the same sometimes I can take a jokey ribbing but at carefully chosen times haha!

I'm glad things have settled down and you are feeling better. The emotional roller-coaster must be so exhausting for you.

It is indeed and thank you. I hope some of my ramblings have helped- at least to know you’re both not alone from both sides of the equation. My poor fiancé!! But he’s like you- supportive and he gets me through it. With you as her mother I am sure she will make a strong woman (certainly compared to those disgusting forums with parents disowning their children )

Yes I do struggle with friendships, I always did to a small extent but this is mainly more due to the death of my best friend a few years ago, the trauma of it exaggerated my already difficult making friends. It’s always the fear of making friends, learning to love them, and losing them that makes me fearful so of course the death of a very long standing and close friendship didn’t help that fear. Now I don’t have female friends and less than a handful of male ones. I get borderline rage in a massive way yes, I never heard it called that before but it’s the perfect name for it. One of my lesser rages resulted in me throwing a hair brush through the living room window, breaking it. As an example. Probably some perceived slight from my fiancé, I don’t recall now. I have done worse and I have done less in these rages and they result in days of self hatred and shame and self harm afterwards from the guilt. The exaggerated scenarios is a difficult one because often in my mind with the borderline, many things are exaggerated that aren’t actually true to reality. Perceived slights, small things that you convince yourself means someone who in reality loves you is leaving you and hates you, etc. So in that sense yes but if you can be more specific I can answer. If you mean face to face to others on purpose to manipulate, or in my own mind, or in general, that will help me give my experience of your question

Ok, no evidence in what sense? As in she seems calm and normal or the flat isn’t trashed in the background? There’s two possibilities- one is that she did trash it, but in her shame and embarrassment she quickly cleaned it up (trashed doesn’t necessarily mean broken and absolutely destroyed, she could mean trashed like throwing tables and kicking things and punching walls and throwing things that don’t break but her use of the word trashed in her mind reflecting how much of a rage she was in- it felt like she trashed it. If that makes sense) then quickly calmed down (another thing with the borderline rage; you see the mess, it was cathartic, but then shame sets in and you clean it quickly and after this all can appear normal including her and her mood). Or she could have thrown a few things and exaggerated it. Or she could have remembered it different to reality. However the reality vs memory vs skewed feelings usually only presents when in, or still in the rage or emotional stage. For example if I’m still in a rage or high emotional state I will remember things different and they are exaggerated in my head. But when I have come out of it, and calm, I see reality, so if she has come out of it enough to FaceTime and appear normal in the chat, and no evidence of the “trashing”, I wouldn’t link this to anything I can relate to having borderline. Unless like I said she did trash it but calmed down, cleaned it, nothing was irreparably broken or damaged, and came out of the mood quickly all fast enough to appear normal within an hour. These moods do appear and disappear head spinningly fast so it’s possible. But it seems unlikely. Especially calling someone and appearing emotionally normal; if I have had an emotional episode where I have trashed things in a rage, it often takes me days to get remotely emotionally level again. During this stage I’m usually in bed, self comforting and having a lot of space, help from my fiancé (cups of tea and whatnot and thank god for him!) and during this recovery period, I don’t even look at my phone - messages/ social media etc, as I cannot in any way, interact with anyone. I just go into myself for days until I feel back to normal in myself. I can’t picture myself ever having an episode and destroying things then calling someone all within an hour. Ever. I ignore all messages if I even feel able to check and read them.

As to her remembering things you didn’t say etc, and this is all my experience, it is possible but unlikely. Borderline doesn’t change your perception of reality unless you’re actually in the high emotional state at the time. Then you’ll warp things in your mind - but if having a normal conversation and things come up that didn’t happen, doesn’t seem like a borderline thing. Although it’s possible that if those things she claimed you said happened during an episode, her memory of it will be skewed because in her mind at the time, being not so in touch with reality, she will perceive things incorrectly, and if it isn’t corrected at the time for example after she calmed down you didn’t talk and clear the air and remind her you didn’t say those things, it’s possible she remembers them wrong; as her borderline episode did when having high emotional states. If that makes sense! I have to admit that I have had times where I remember things differently to my fiancé. This is usually when I have had an episode and we didn’t have the “calm talk” after to clear the air and get the reality back. When we do talk after and clear the air and he reminds me gently of the reality, we remember it the same. If this makes sense. It’s very difficult (and dangerous) for me to try to give opinions on whether I think she has borderline or not, and irresponsible. But I can answer any questions you want if it helps you understand her and your friendship better and I’m more than happy to help with this. But I can only do from my perspective as I have done above. She could have borderline, for sure I can recognise some things you said about her but my experience of it and what you describe aren’t really matching, perhaps because of the examples. I mean if we take two examples and go into detail I’ll be able to understand more. If you tell me how she seemed in the trashing flat incident and how it appeared to be untrue (why do you think there is no evidence? Did she seem normal and happy? Could you see much of the background and the room seemed pristine? Was her trashing in another room perhaps? Did she look how she normally looks- hair and make up nice etc? Did she seem at all emotional?) and the remembering things you didn’t say or do- can you give one example? Like what she said you did or said, what context did she make that claim? The claim she made, in your memory of it, what actually happened and what was her version? Was she having an episode in your memory of it?
You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.

I guess my point is without the details it’s hard to judge but her behaviour doesn’t match mine to a big extent. But every borderline is different too. Though I have read a lot about it and it doesn’t in my opinion match well. It’s also very complex. For example perhaps it isn’t resonating with me because her way of dealing with it is the manipulation side. I have this too and I have to battle to not do it, so she could be remembering things differently or making up trashing the flat for sympathy to manipulate you into giving her attention - not to be mean or cruel and probably not even realising it. But because she is terrified of losing you and so she exaggerated in order to keep you close and emotionally engaged. This thankfully isn’t something I do, though I can be very manipulative in other ways because of fear of losing someone (to my shame).

As you can see there are a lot of facets to it all, and I know my reply is not really clear in terms of answering your questions directly. But borderline does present very differently not only in different people, but also in different people and their different types of relationships too. So she could well have it but it not be presenting like mine. Or she could have a different disorder. If you want to private message with real detailed examples I’m more than happy to respond to each example. As those are quite open to interpretation. But I understand you don’t want to put your friends details and mental health all over the internet of course.

I hope she’s well at the moment, I hope you’re ok as it can be so damaging to be on the receiving end. Feel free to ask more or to private message if you feel it’s too personal to ask on here. I’m far from a professional but with years of this and much research, I will try to help. I hope this has been helpful in some way to you

Also the friendships thing; my experience is more that I am desperate for female friends as those are bonds that are very important. But I’m scared because I don’t want to be rejected or lose a female friend again. The male friends were already there and are lifelong, so I don’t actively seek out male or female friends, nor have i given up having either. I’m just too scared to actively seek and invest in them. So if she’s making new friends that are only male, then I wonder if she is doing that because it is easier to manipulate male friends when you have borderline- a pretty face in pain often in my experience gets a lot of attention which a borderline craves just like they will crave love and fear loss. Also male female friendships are much less emotionally complex. Which makes them easier. Female friendships can be much more complicated, much more needed and especially much more important and cherished and so making female friendships when borderline can be very scary and hard to navigate. This part of what you described about her I do understand being borderline. Though as I said my male friends I didn’t and don’t actively seek; they’ve been lifelong friends who just happened to go from say a college classmate and bloomed into a friendship. So yes I understand her on the female friendships part! They’re much more cherished and therefore more scary to have because of fear of loss

Our DD is 19 and tentatively diagnosed by the GP as BPD. She has had quetiapine for 3 years now.
She is a lovely person, on her terms. She could argue with herself in an empty room.
Me and her dad have been trying to get her to engage with the MH service at university since the CAMHS locally is shocking. She finally agreed and has asked for a referral to a psychiatrist.
Do you think DBT is valuable, we are prepared to pay if we could find a person who offers it

I would get an actual diagnoses and real treatment- the doctor (im presuming gp?) should not be tentatively diagnosing anything unless he is a psychiatrist- and definitely not prescribing for it. Especially since borderline isn’t a disorder you can actually medicate. I was on quetiapine when I was wrongly diagnosed with bipolar- it’s an extremely hard core anti psychotic and I would be concerned about this doctors conduct here. She’s young. When I was on it I slept for up to 18 hours a day at times. Between 12 on a good day and 18 on the worst, average 15 ish. It made me feel worse. I was a zombie. I’m so sorry you’ve come across an idiot for a doctor. Can you see a new doctor? The doctors first port of call should be- refer to psychiatrist. Then you’ll have a diagnosis. Then a treatment plan. If he won’t refer to a psychiatrist then find a new doctor who will. But yes- you’re correct that DBT is very helpful. In fact it’s thought to be the main and most useful form of therapy as medicating doesn’t help, and other forms of therapy aren’t as useful. I would go DBT all the way and get a psychiatrist. I hope you are ok please see another doctor - this is so concerning especially since you aren’t a professional so how would you know the gp is treating her incorrectly? It’s so very unfair to you. Keep her on the medication for now as coming off fast is dangerous. See a doctor get referral get diagnosed then get the relevant therapy. DBT If she is borderline. I wish you the best

She could argue with herself in an empty room.

This is me also haha. I think I actually have done this .. but seriously yes, indeed. It’s a very combative disorder and is even harder when you’re genuinely a really nice person as I am and your daughter is, but your mental health turns you into a monster. It sets off such self hatred. Makes it all the worse. I’m glad she has loving parents taking it seriously and wish you the best. Please take my advice; psychiatrist for diagnosis, treatment plan based on outcome of diagnosing process. The gp should not have just guessed and then given her quetiapine as first port of call im assuming? That’s terrible. Really terrible. It’s not dangerous so don’t be scaring yourself but she needs to be diagnosed and given the right treatment. I am guessing quetiapine isn’t it but I’m not a doctor just my experience. Let me know how she gets on?