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AMA

I'm non-monogamous, AMA

83 replies

Ohalrightthen · 01/12/2020 20:34

Just as it says. I'm non-monogamous, or polyamorous - I've seen a lot of posts on here being incredulous and/or disparaging of open relationships, and feeling a little grim about that, so, opening myself up to whatever questions people might have.

Also to the possibility that no one GAF.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 01/12/2020 20:35

You say you are, is your partner? Do they know?

Sadhoot · 01/12/2020 20:37

Where do you find the time/energy?

Do you have/want DC?

Are you on the ASD spectrum? I'm not trying to be rude but I knew 3 people at uni who were poly and I suspect they were all on the spectrum. One definitely was. I'm wondering if that was a freaky coincidence or if there's a pattern.

Ohalrightthen · 01/12/2020 20:41

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

You say you are, is your partner? Do they know?

My husband is not, and yes he does know. I was previously in an open relationship with a man who is also non-monogamous, when i met my husband.

I was open with him from the outset, and we fell in love very quickly. After a few months he told me that even though he'd tried, he wasn't able to manage it. We broke up for a bit, and i thought long and hard about what i wanted. I chose him, and we're now in a monogamous relationship and have been since that point.

I suppose i see non-monogamy in the same way i do being bisexual (which i am also) - it's an inherent part of my identity, regardless of my relationship status.
OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 01/12/2020 20:43

@Sadhoot

Where do you find the time/energy?

Do you have/want DC?

Are you on the ASD spectrum? I'm not trying to be rude but I knew 3 people at uni who were poly and I suspect they were all on the spectrum. One definitely was. I'm wondering if that was a freaky coincidence or if there's a pattern.

As above, I'm currently in a monogamous marriage, and i have a child. If my husband was comfortable with non-monogamy i imagine we might be in an open marriage, but i can't say for sure.

No, I don't have any diagnosis of ASD nor have i ever been suspected of it. I did have depression as a teen, if that helps.
OP posts:
autumncolourlover · 01/12/2020 20:48

* "I'm non-monogamous*"



"I'm currently in a monogamous marriage"

Am I the only one a bit Hmm

SquirtleSquad · 01/12/2020 20:53

@autumncolourlover I'm with you there Wine

RunningFromInsanity · 01/12/2020 20:54
Hmm
Babyg1995 · 01/12/2020 20:55

Are you monogamous or not how can you be if your in a non monogamous relationship bizarre Confused

Audreyseyebrows · 01/12/2020 20:57

So you are monogamous then.

Ohalrightthen · 01/12/2020 20:57

@autumncolourlover

* "I'm non-monogamous*"

"I'm currently in a monogamous marriage"

Am I the only one a bit Hmm


As i said upthread, i consider it to be an inherent part of my identity, regardless of my relationship status. I'm no less bisexual even though I'm married to a man, and I'm no more monogamous despite only being with my husband.
OP posts:
Babyg1995 · 01/12/2020 21:00

Your not non monogamous if your in a monogamous relationship fgs sounds like you had fun with others before you settled down with your husband normal part of life .

Motnight · 01/12/2020 21:00

This is a bit of a non thread 😂

speakout · 01/12/2020 21:02

Cool story bro.

Corner13 · 01/12/2020 21:02

This is such a stupid thread

I’m a squirrel, ask me anything. Though don’t ask me about being a squirrel, because I’m not a squirrel

Biscuit

helloxhristmas · 01/12/2020 21:02

Well that cleared that up quickly 😂

thecatmother · 01/12/2020 21:03

Have you seen the Netflix "You ,me,her" and if so, what do you make of it? Is it fairly accurate in terms of attractions and not being jealous of your partners and being frank with each other.

zeddybrek · 01/12/2020 21:03

So at present you are non practicing non monogamous. I can sort of understand.

Did you or do you miss being in an open relationship when you decided to be monogamous to your partner.

HotSince63 · 01/12/2020 21:04

This is the probably the worst AMA I've seen yet Grin.

"I'm non-monogamous, in a monogamous relationship".

Yeah me too OP, me too. I'd have loads of questions for you if you were actually non-monogamous, but you're not.

theantsgomarchin · 01/12/2020 21:09

The problem here is that all the questions that people would wish to ask would all be directed towards a non-monogamous person in a non-monogamous relationship. The fact that you're in a monogamous relationship is almost like saying "I used to be a vegetarian, but now I eat meat - ask me anything".

It's not interesting or unusual to have explored the idea of non-monogamy, but the fact that you've now chosen to be monogamous means you are by your very nature now monogamous

Ohalrightthen · 01/12/2020 21:11

@zeddybrek

So at present you are non practicing non monogamous. I can sort of understand.

Did you or do you miss being in an open relationship when you decided to be monogamous to your partner.

I do, in a way, miss it. Sometimes i meet people i have chemistry with, people I'd otherwise persue a physical or emotional relationship with, but i made a commitment to my husband and i did that with my eyes open, and i stand by that choice.
OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 01/12/2020 21:13

@theantsgomarchin

The problem here is that all the questions that people would wish to ask would all be directed towards a non-monogamous person in a non-monogamous relationship. The fact that you're in a monogamous relationship is almost like saying "I used to be a vegetarian, but now I eat meat - ask me anything".

It's not interesting or unusual to have explored the idea of non-monogamy, but the fact that you've now chosen to be monogamous means you are by your very nature now monogamous

Well, i spent many years in non-monogamous relationships, one with the same primary partner for 3 years, and i still consider myself to be non-monogamous, just as i still consider myself to be bisexual, despite being committed to a man, hopefully for life. It's not something I've grown out of, or stopped feeling.
OP posts:
Lobsterquadrille2 · 01/12/2020 21:18

How much do you think your husband worries about you being tempted back to non monogamy?

IKEAwebsitecompletecon · 01/12/2020 21:18

But, but the thread title is 'I'm non monogamous' ?

I am very confused.

I'm fairly certain a large proportion of people reading this were non monogamous before they got married. I think that's how human beings work. Isn't it?

Audreyseyebrows · 01/12/2020 21:21

So if you decided to cheat in the future you can say, ‘sorry Dh but you knew that I was polygamous’?

Basically you used to sleep around but now you don’t. Cool.

theantsgomarchin · 01/12/2020 21:24

I think what's misleading is the phrase "I am non-monogamous". No you're actually not currently. You've been in non-monogamous relationships but you are not currently non-monogamous because the two, in my opinion, are mutually exclusive.

You are either non-monogamous

Or youre monogamous

Depending on your relationship status.

You have been in open relationships in the past so people may be interested to hear how they worked etc, but I stand by my earlier example that if you were precious a vegetarian but now ate meat, you couldn't claim yourself to be a vegetarian.

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