I’m a foster carer AMA

[Newpuppymummy]

People always seem to have lots of questions for me in real life.

How many children have you fostered and what ages have they been? Do you have biological children of your own? Have you had to give up work to foster, and, if so, do you feel that you're paid enough? Sorry, so many questions to fire at you!

How long do children usually stay with you for? Have you ever been asked to keep them longer and declined?

Have you read the Cathy Glass books.? If yes are they a true reflection of fostering?.. I enjoy reading them but often thought if they were realistic or not.

Why did you decide to become a foster carer?

Decided to become a foster carer as I was burnt out being a teacher. I foster 0-2s and have had 7 children. Shortest placement was 10 weeks and longest was 18 months.

I haven’t read the Cathy Glass books. But if they are love conquers all type stuff sadly they are wring

I have my own two children. When I started the pay was shocking. It has improved but not a great salary. I earn about the same as when I worked 3 day week as a teacher.

Do you have your own children too? How do they find it?

Do you ever get emotionally attached to a Foster child?

Is the vicarious stress more exhausting than teaching a very troubled class with lots of emotional needs?

How does it work financially?

I always get attached. I think you couldn’t not. They need you to love them as your own because I am the main carer. In most cases their only parent figure from birth until their plan is decided.

How old were you children when you started fostering? It's something we would like to do but we feel ds is too young at 4 to understand and we don't want to inadvertantly hurt him etc.

It’s exhausting in a different way to teaching. It’s 24/7 so more physically demanding and sometimes equally frustrating but I find it more rewarding

My kids were 10 and 11. It’s been great for them to have me at home and they’ve learnt a lot I think. Can be tough sharing attention

Financially you get a fee per week and allowance per child per week. Fee is equivalent to 3 days in my old job, I don’t have to pay tax on earnings as a fc. Allowance for the child is £135

Do you view it as job, OP, albeit a particularly important, specialised, demanding and emotionally-involved one?

I’m always a bit taken aback when people bob up on threads about infertility or not wanting to have a baby alone, and suggest ‘adoption or fostering’ as though they’re equivalent.

I don’t really view it as a job. Well the paperwork and meetings but I do but not the looking after babies part. More of a life I’ve chosen if that makes sense. I do know lots of foster carers who have teens for whom it is more of a job.

Fostering is totally different from Adoption although they are often banded together. I love the babies who pass through our home, I often pick them up from the hospital and in most cases they spend the whole of their first year of life with is. But ultimately they are not my children. With adoption the child is your legal son or daughter forever.

How do you deal with letting them go?

Do you foster with the LA or an agency?
Are you well supported?

Do you stay in touch with the
Children when they leave you?

If a baby has known only you as its mother and then is given to a new family after a year, it is losing everything it has ever known. Would foster to adopt not be better for
Children in this situation?

How do your children cope when the babies move on?

Have the adoptive families kept in touch with you ?

How I cope when they go? I fall apart and then pick myself up again. It’s brutal. Really brutal. My foster carer friends help. And reminding myself why I do it.

About the paperwork. Do you have to do observations and reports on the baby or child's development (a bit like nursery might track progress) How often?

Do you have to ask permission (from who?) for haircuts?

Are you treated as an employee of the county council or are you registered as self employed with the Inland Revenue?

I’ve had most go for adoption and one to a relative and one home to Mum. They have all kept in touch which I am thrilled about, it helps me and my children but also I really believe helps the babies attachment to their new parents too as it helps them realise people they love don’t just disappear.

Foster to adopt absolutely better for the baby. They can only do this if the LA are 99% sure the court will decide the baby can’t go to birth parents or relatives