3 children under 10. 3 different dads. AMA

[fortsalem]

Incase it changes any stereotypes or makes anybody feel better in the same situation,

I'm a lovely person, good natured and kind, I'm educated and I work full time.

I have 3 (under 10) by 3 different partners. AMA

Do you tend to set up AMA threads, pop back to complain no one has asked anything, then disappear for ever once the questions come in? 🤣

I’m a 3x3 child. My mother is great-she’s educated, always been employed and doesn’t fit the stereotype you automatically think of. She’s just had some really bad luck in relationships. Unfortunately there’s a bit of stigma around it and caused some issues in my family.

No questions but just wanted to say no judgement from me.

MonsterRehab23 maybe you could answer some of the questions, I’m really intrigued by this topic!

Sure go ahead

I have 3 children by 3 different fathers. It's no biggie. I'm single and a primary school teacher. No judgement from me. I'll answer questions too!

Are you embarrassed? Why do you have 3 children by 3 different fathers?

I think OP has been scared off

Do you find it hard to use some form of contraception and why did you feel you had to have a baby with each of them ?

How do your children feel about the different dads? Can you recognise a pattern in why your relationships went wrong?

@Rockmehardplace
"Were all 3 planned? How long were you with each of the dads before falling pregnant?"

My youngest was planned.

Eldest, 5 year relationship with dad. Lived together for 3.

Middle 2 year relationship, had lived together for one year.

Youngest 4 year relationship. Have lived together for 3 years. We're now married happily.

@MidnightHangingTree
Are you still with the youngest's dad? Do you want any more children? Would you rule out a 4th by a 4th dad?

I am. We're married now. We have decided against any more. If we had more money and better physical shape I'd consider one more. But only with my husband.

I've got 4 children by 3 men. First was a short relationship, two kids were the result of a 6 year relationship that ended and my youngest is my husband's. Obviously in an ideal world they would all be to my husband, but life happens and it's how you deal with it that matters.

@RAOK
How do you organise everything e.g access, child maintenance for each child?

My eldest we sorted contact through court, maintenance through csa and just generally coparent like most separated parents.

My middle child has no access as dad has never wanted to be involved. He does voluntarily pay maintenance though. I've never asked for that and the amount changes often.

Not needed for youngest as my husband is her dad. So youngest 2 are at home full time with nothing really to sort.

@notdawn
Are you embarrassed?

No. I'm massively grateful for the children I have and the beautiful family we have made.

Had I been too embarrassed to have children with other partners it would still be just me and dc1. I'm so glad I did.

I wouldn't change any of them. I know I've posted it here for other perspectives but I obviously don't go announcing that my children all have different dads. But I'm not embarrassed.

@Noti23
Are you Stacey Solomon? 😂Jokes aside, are you ever judged openly for this? How do mothers at the schools gates treat you? I have no judgement, personally. My sister and I have different dads and my mum decided against having a 3rd child as they’d have to have yet another dad. I would have preferred another sibling!

Haha no not Stacey Solomon!
Like I said I don't go announcing it, so lots of people probably assume 2 different dads as nobody ever mentions or talks of dc2s dad and she's with us full time.

Mums at school are great and no judgement there at all. Having said that I can tell when I am being judged and it does happen. It doesn't bother me so much. I tell myself that if they are judging me by the amount of partners I've had children with, they are judging me by the least interesting thing about me. And probably don't know me very well.

I think the time I've felt the most conscious of being judged was meeting my husbands family when we got together. I know there must have been a lot of judgment there. There probably still is with some family members.

@Keepyourfaith70
Do you often get referred to as 3 by 3? I genuinely find it very hurtful.. A friend of a friend has 3 children by 3 different fathers and there's no reason other than a silly stereotype to think she's anything less of a decent person than anyone else.

Never been referred to as 3x3 but it is a silly stereotype.

@LolaGrace
Do you feel people judge you? How old were you when your had them ?Do you work?

Not very often, I was more conscious of having 2 children with different dads I think. But I know it happens.

I was 22, 24 & 28.

I work full time. I've always worked full time.
I took myself back to uni when dc2 was 16 weeks old and did a part time degree while working full time.

@EggyPegg
How old were you when you had your first?What is your relationship like now with each of their fathers?Would you change anything

I was 22 with dc1

Relationship with dc1s dad is tough. It alternates pretty much yearly from coparenting fantastically to him being an arsehole. I don't think I'll ever like or respect him for what he's put me and dc1 through which is another thread of its own but I'll never show dc 1 that. He thinks we get along great and I make sure he's always at birthday parties, I'm flexible, I try my hardest for normality.

Non existent relationship with dc2s dad.

Brilliant relationship with my husband and dc3s dad.

The only thing I'd change is dc2 having dad in their life. Although my husband treats them as his own and loves them to pieces.

@Shahlalala
Do the children act as though they are half siblings?

Not at all. They see each other as siblings and adore each other. They look identical which I find really strange.

@BlueBirdGreenFence
How much do you earn ballpark?
45k

Do any of your children have half-siblings outside of your family group?

@kittykat35 Are you going to answer any of these questions
Haha yes sorry 😳 We had new windows fitted here yesterday and I didn't anticipate quite how chaotic that would be in half term.

@Rainallnight ...did you really feel like having a child with each of those people, over a relatively short period of time? And if so, why?

No, I definitely didn't quite feel ready, I did with dc3.
Dc1 & 2 were unplanned. I was using the implant both times and now have the coil. DH has had a vasectomy.
I think these things happen a lot more than people think and I don't regret it at all, it's just sad that you're faced with decisions like these when you're young and trying to be responsible and still navigating life.

Dc3 was planned. I came off contraception and was pregnant in less than a month. I was quite quick to get contraception sorted afterwards

@nimbuscloud They all financially support their children.

Dc1 isn't great but could be a lot worse. He's controlling and manipulative. Quick temper.

Dc2 I actually do consider to be a good dad. It's quite outing circumstances but I have never asked him for any money and the best thing he's done for his child is to not be in their life.

Husband is great.

@fortsalem

Thank you for your considered and honest answers.