When I was 18 I was in a relationship with a man 20 years older than me...AMA

[plainflower]

It was a genuine, loving relationship that lasted nearly 2 years. Please no nasty comments!

Who cares?

You were in a relationship with a sleazy pervert, nothing new there.. Next.

When I was 26 I was in a relationship with a man 25 years older than me.
22 years later we are still together.

I don't think that my story is of any interest, and neither is yours.

When I was 17 I was in a relationship with a man 23 years older than me. It lasted 3 years. At the time I didn't really think anything of it.

Now I realise how weird it really was. How awful and inappropriate. I can't believe no one tried to talk me out of it. I was too young, but actually more mature than the man. I ended it. He punched a photo of me! It was on the wall. I wasn't there when it happened thankfully. He drank too much too. He was terrible with money and didn't send his ex-wife child support for their son.

I'm happy with the person I am today so I can't regret it too much but I certainly wouldn't want my children to make the same choices.

Interestingly my DH had a relationship when he was young with an older woman.

When I was 16 I had a relationship with a man who was 34 years older than me.

I thought it was consensual but looking back I can see that the power imbalance was there as he was my manager.

I didn’t think it was wrong at the time and for years afterwards but looking back now I can see that it wasn’t right and I didn’t actually want it.

I don’t think I knew how to say no.

When I was 18 I was shagging a man 18 years older than me. Purely FWB - always instigated by me (usually after I'd been out on the town)

He was hot. I'm 42 now, he's 60. I bumped into him in the shopping centre a few months ago. He's still handsome and I'd probably have rekindled it if I was single.

They're not always perverts.

Oh come on. 38 and 18?
Pervert.

Nope, I has a job at his place if work when i was at uni. I chased him - knew exactly what I was doing! He was lovely and still is. Sadly he's never met anyone special.

As was I.

I had 3 dc with him and we were together for 10 years.

Obviously don't regret my kids at all but I do regret my relationship with him and that he is my dc's father.

Did you ever think it would last?
I ask as when i was 18 i went out with a guy 13 years older than me for a year and when we were talking a while after we broke up (after a year together) he said it would have been different if we had got married and i was gobsmacked because i only saw it as a bit of fun.

When I was 19 I was seeing someone who was about 45.

When I was 18 I was seeing someone who was 34.

When I was 22-24 I was seeing someone who was 46.

It’s more common than you think

how old are you now OP?

My older lover died in front of me.
I still miss him.

Were you aware of the power imbalance?
Did you feel special that someone older and experienced was interested in you?

When I was 17, I was living with a 37yo (who was a former teacher at my school!); after him another man of a similar age. Also dated a man in his 60s when I was mid-40s. I'd hate for my DDs to be in any such relationship.

there's a massive difference between being 26 and having a relationship with someone 25 years older, and being 18 and in a relationship with a man 20 years older
anyone who has had teenage/adult children will know this

My husband is 20 years older than me, met when I was 23, together ten years.

I get that 18 is young, but sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I don't think that an age gap is a contributing factor to successful or unsuccessful marriage

I'm 30 (31 later this week) and DH is 49 so 18 years older than me. Friends for over 11 years, together 6.5 years, married nearly 3 years and now TTC for the first time.
I made the first move when we were still friends by admitting my feelings. Thankfully they were reciprocated...he said he didn't say anything for fear of losing me as a friend.

Such an amazing coincidence that all these relationships feature a younger woman...

Oh wait.

@Grobagsforever

Such an amazing coincidence that all these relationships feature a younger woman...

Oh wait.

Some 18 year olds might be childlike but inwas definitely a woman. I knew exactly what I wanted.

When I was 18 I didn't know shit about life even though I had lived in my own in my own little rented house from age 16. It's very different to my 20's. By 23 I was maturing and an age difference so large is less of a power imbalance. So I actually think 18 year old with a much much older man is something potentially worrying.

Being early to mid 20's? Not that bad.

I dated a man 15 years older than me at 18 and looking back I am glad it didn't last as he had all the power and made all the choices. As I say, at 18 I knew nothing. I thought I knew everything but that's what it's like when you're still young and immature.

I was 17 in a relationship with a 36 year old. I loved him very much, and still do. I never felt a power imbalance, I just fell in love with him and the age never came into it, for us. I’d had quite an unconventional upbringing and was quite mature for my age. He wasn’t my first boyfriend, I’d been dating since I was 14. He died after we’d been together almost 14 years, from cancer.

I’m 37 now, married to my now dh and expecting 3rd dc (precious two were from my first marriage). He is 11 years older than me. Obviously, I have a type!