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I'm a 20 Y.O. Married mother of two-AMA

49 replies

PotatoSauce · 28/04/2020 15:33

As the title says really, ask away

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HelloItsmeAgain1 · 28/04/2020 17:57

How old are your children? Was it planned that way?

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PiggyPokkyFool · 28/04/2020 18:00

How old were you when you had your first one?
How old was your mum when she had her first?

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Namechangeymcnamechange11 · 28/04/2020 18:04

How old are your children?
Did you always want to start a family early?
Do you have career plans?
What did your parents say about your pregnancies? Were they pleased or did you ever think they were disappointed?
Do your parents have careers?

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PotatoSauce · 28/04/2020 18:05

@HelloItsmeAgain1 We have a 20 month old and a 2 month old. Our first wasn't planned but our second was

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PotatoSauce · 28/04/2020 18:06

@PiggyPokkyFool I was 18 with my first and my mum was 32 with her first

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SquashedFlyBiscuit · 28/04/2020 18:06

Unusual for mumsnet/middle class demographic.... but completely normal in my local school!

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justdontatme · 28/04/2020 18:08

Do people ask if you’re religious, and indeed are you religious?

We had kids fairly young for our social class & DH used to be asked this by colleagues.

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PotteringAlong · 28/04/2020 18:09

Do you feel you’ve have and will miss out on a whole lot of life you could have lived, or do you have no regrets?

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BuffaloCauliflower · 28/04/2020 18:10

How old were you and your DH when you got together?
When did you get married and what made you decide that you were ready for that?
Do you feel out of step with friends of the same age?

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PotatoSauce · 28/04/2020 18:11

@Namechangeymcnamechange11 They are 20 months and 2 months
I never really thought about having a family when I was younger. I always had high aspirations of becoming a barrister. My mum never really said much about my pregnancies, I think she's disappointed as she thinks I won't ever be able to achieve what I wanted career-wise. I have limited contact with my father and don't know what he does for work but my mum has been in office based work since leaving school

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PotatoSauce · 28/04/2020 18:13

@justdontatme I've never been asked about my religious background, I'm an atheist

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PotatoSauce · 28/04/2020 18:16

@PotteringAlong I feel like we've missed out of being young and going clubbing with our friends but neither my husband or I are overly interested in that sort of thing. We have no regrets and we're looking forward to our lives when the kids have flown the nest and our friends are still changing nappies

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ActuallyItsEugene · 28/04/2020 18:17

How old was you when you got married? How old is your partner?
Do you feel like you've missed, or are missing, out on your teens/early 20s?

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PotatoSauce · 28/04/2020 18:20

@BuffaloCauliflower we were 17 when we got together and got married last September we both wanted to get married as we take that bond seriously, we also though it would be beneficial for our children as we would all share a surname.
I feel very out of touch with my friends and have lost pretty much all of my friendships. They don't understand how I can't just drop everything to meet for coffee or how important a routine is for children. They perceive me as being difficult when I say that I can't meet at 1pm because nap time or the like. It hurts but it's just part of life

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ChishAndFip · 28/04/2020 18:21

Hi I wanted to post to say I had my first at 18 and second at 22.

I did not come from the sort of family where this was the norm and my parents were devastated as I was a high flier at school and had very different aspirations.

I am in my 30s now with two wonderful children. I finished my A levels and got my degree and even did some post grad education (trying not to be outing) which has led me to a great career and a job that pays over £50k (probably still considered quite low for Mumsnet Grin ) .My partner (same one) also has a high paying job too, although I admit it took him around ten years (!) to take his career seriously. It wasn't easy and I've never managed to save a deposit for a house as we live in London and rent a 3 bed house.

I am posting this to show you that if you are bright and determined, having children young does not have to ruin your life.

Don't get me wrong, my daughter is 16 and I am encouraging her to work hard but also to play hard and to travel and do all the things I missed out on.

Good luck to you!

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StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 28/04/2020 18:21

How on earth did you find a man suitable to spend the rest of your life with when you are 18? I never had a relationship until I was 22! I dont mean thst to sound judgemental. My Ps were 29 when they got together, and my sisters and I all went off to uni so have very little contact with young mums and young newly weds. Everyone I know has had 2 or 3 relationships before marrying so it blows my mind that people do this so young!

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PotatoSauce · 28/04/2020 18:22

@ActuallyItsEugene we were both 19 when we got married. My husband is currently 19 but is only 2 months younger than me. I do feel like we are missing out on normal teenage activities but none of that has ever interested my husband or I anyway

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PotatoSauce · 28/04/2020 18:26

@ChishAndFip Thank you! I fully intend to go back to education and make something of myself once my husband has finished his education and the children are in school.

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BuffaloCauliflower · 28/04/2020 18:26

OP not a question but a comment - there is no reason you can’t still have any career you want. You can still have any education you want. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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PotatoSauce · 28/04/2020 18:30

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale I understand where you are coming. We met in high school so knew each other since we were 11. It was just one of those things that happened. He's a great person and father and I'm lucky to have him. I do think it is just how the world is these days though. It's not uncommon for people I went to school with to have been in a relationship for 2/3 or 4 years now

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flowerPower118 · 28/04/2020 18:36

Do you not wish you were tied down so young? I'm 20 myself nearly 21, been with someone for 4 years we speak about marriage etc but haven't ever actually gone ahead with anything, just purely because you develop a lot over the years and change mentally and you might not feel like
You do now in the future , is that something you ever think of?

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BeingATwatItsABingThing · 28/04/2020 18:37

How on earth did you find a man suitable to spend the rest of your life with when you are 18?

My DH and I met when I was 18. He was was 20. I had my first boyfriend at 16 for two and a half years.

Op, had my DD at 19 and DH and I got married at 24/26. I’m 26 (tomorrow) and due my next DC in September. I finished my degree and have been a teacher for the last four years.

What made you decide to have two so close together? I have been wanting another one for a few years but waited until we’d bought a house.

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crazycatguy · 28/04/2020 18:40

My dad married my mum when he was 16 and she was 20.

They had three kids, we're all in our 30s and 40s now. They just celebrated their 43rd anniversary. It can happen!

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PotatoSauce · 28/04/2020 19:12

@flowerPower118 I do worry about growing apart but as long as we continue to make time for each other we should grow stronger as a couple as well as individuals

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PotatoSauce · 28/04/2020 19:14

@BeingATwatItsABingThing both my husband and I have large age gaps between ourselves and our younger siblings which has caused strained relationships. We didn't want our children to have difficult relationships with each other like we did with our siblings. We hoped that having two so close would mean they would experience life together instead of being in two separate stages of life, if that makes sense

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