I'm a 20 Y.O. Married mother of two-AMA

[PotatoSauce]

As the title says really, ask away

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

I see. My DSis and I are 3 years apart and get on amazingly well. DH is one of 4 - all within about 6 years from oldest to youngest - and they aren’t that close. It’s not the worst relationship but it’s not the best either. I don’t think age gap is what defines a sibling relationship.

[shevyshade]

Do you live with other family members?

[SomeoneElseEntirelyNow]

Do you rent or own and how do you afford it?

[Theukisgreatt]

What are you children's names? Ignore if they are really identifiable.

[MargotEmin]

and make something of myself

You already are quite something, a level headed, articulate young woman with a lovely little family by the sounds of things! Good luck to you.

[PotatoSauce]

@shevyshade We live on our own. Just ya, the kids and our cats

[PotatoSauce]

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow We rent, my husband is a student so gets loans and grants and I work part time

[PotatoSauce]

@Theukisgreatt I'd rather not say what their names are but they are fairly standard English names, think Edward or William for example

[PotatoSauce]

@Strawberrypancakes My husband gets maintenance loans and grants from university and I work part time. We would like to have more children but we both want to finish education first and start our careers

[HelloItsmeAgain1]

How are you finding the age gap? Do you think being young gives you more energy?

Also how did you find labour? I'm curious as I know mostly much older mums and I wonder how it differs.

Have you made many mum friends? I hope so. :)

[PotatoSauce]

@HelloItsmeAgain1 The age gap is a lot of hard work but I definitely think that being younger give me more energy to deal with them but my husband and I do often join in with the lunchtime nap to keep us going.
My first labour was quick. I was induced and I had a lot of snobby midwives that didn't listen to me. I kept telling them I couldn't stop my body from pushing but they said that I could and that I didn't need pain relief. 10 minutes later they could see baby's head and I was suddenly given gas and air. My second was a lot better. I was in early labour for 5 days but I ended up having a lovely water birth in my living room. I found the recovery from both really easy and was out and about within 48 hours and was back to work within 6 weeks.
I have a few mum friends from a young mums group I go to but it's a bit difficult as I'm the youngest of them all, they are all mid 20's and I was still in my teens when we met

[PotatoSauce]

@DragonfliesDarling He really struggles with is time management so projects are left until really close to their deadlines. It then means I have to take the kids out on my own for several days in a row so he can have peace to get it done before the deadline, it's a pet hate of mine but no-one's perfect.
We both enjoy the security of marriage and that are relationship is now legally recognised. It also stops a lot of judgement when people see the rings

[orlarose]

You sound lovely op. I'd just turned 18 when me and DH met, married at just turned 24. Young by today's standards but actually very normal for our grandparents generation. We hope to hit 50 years and have a big party like they have.
Is your DH aiming for a well paid career? Will you leave London to buy a property?

[Boomshakala]

Do you get much help from either of your families with the children and life at all?

To have 2 children when you are barely adults yourselves must be hard, setting up and running your first home is a huge step without adding children and a wedding to it! Kudos to you both

[PotatoSauce]

@orlarose Not really. His career choice will be relatively low paid unless he really makes it which is nearly impossible. If our dream comes true, I'll be the breadwinner with the high paid job and he will be the house-husband as he's better at that sort of thing than I am. I could never be a SAHM long term

[PotatoSauce]

@Boomshakala We get more help from my mum and next to no help from my husbands parents, but that's a bit of a sore subject

[LittlePesto]

You sound lovely, level headed and not defensive, I bet your a good critical thinker and a problem solver!

If I had had children with and married the boyfriend I had at 17 my life would have been a disaster. However, I am still with the the 18 year old boy I met when I was 20 and we're still a very happy match now in our mid thirties with two children.

[HeartGirls]

I can't help but think if OP had posted when she had her first child at 18 on here the response would have been very different!

[huckleberrychin]

"We are looking forward to when our kids have flown the nest and our friends are still changing nappies" - that's a crazy statement given your children are 2 and 2 months** old. How can you already be looking forward to 18 years away?

[Toilenstripes]

Best of luck OP. I think your young life will be difficult but later on things might get easier. I hope you can finish a course in a well paying area. If you have a head for finance and business then look into an accounting degree. Best wishes

[lucialou]

I had my first just shy of my 19th birthday, married at 20 and second baby at 22 (DH same age as me). We’re now 28 with a 9 and 6 year old.

I have really really mixed feelings on it all. For some reason it’s really hit me over the past year (I think it’s been with approaching my late 20s now, the kids getting older and past the ‘little’ stage) that I’m never going to get that time back. I’m never going to have that carefree youth or that wonderful feeling I enjoyed so briefly at 18 where I suddenly had the freedom of adulthood and endless possibilities stretched out ahead of me. I definitely get a pang of envy when I see my younger cousins in their early 20s on FB graduating from uni and going travelling etc. I often wonder how the past decade would have been for me had my life not taken the turn it did. Also when I see other 18/19 year old girls I think ‘Omg I was so so young to have a baby!’ even though I’m only a decade older they suddenly seem so young.

On the other hand I am proud of what we’ve achieved, we’ve managed to hit the same milestones as friends (I did an open uni degree and started work once they were at school, we got a mortgage and bought a house) it’s just been a lot more stressful! It’s also nice in a way to be only be in our 20s and have all the nappies and sleepless nights and pushchairs out the way for good. I do like the fact our kids will have young parents and grandparents (as well as quite a few great-grandparent still around!) it’s really nice for them.