I'm an alcoholic in recovery...AMA
JarOfFarts · 24/04/2020 18:01
inspired by another thread I've commented on. I'll be as open as I can.
bigchris · 24/04/2020 18:02
What was the final straw that made you decide to quit ?
How much did you drink in an average day ?
JarOfFarts · 24/04/2020 18:05
My consumption varied. On a bad day, four bottles of wine and maybe half to a full bottle of spirits.
It was waking up with bruises yet again one morning (Stbxh is a charmer) and knowing I could never even think of leaving while I was in the state I was in, that got me wanting to beat it for good.
Ilovethekittehs · 24/04/2020 18:06
Do you have children? If yes, how has your habit effected them? Have you had an honest conversation about any damage you may have done?
JarOfFarts · 24/04/2020 18:11
I have two kids. And yes, the "honesty chat" happened pretty early on. I was straight with them: I may have an illness, but that gives me no excuse to be a twat. (I didn't word it like this, obviously). They've both been amazing through this.
In fact, people at Addaction told me that I had to get sober for me- I agree- but at times when I'm low, I STAY sober for them, until I can get back to doing it for me again.
katie43210 · 24/04/2020 18:17
Have you ever relapsed? I was sober for 5 years and I've recently found myself back in chaos...
RainbowCookie · 24/04/2020 18:18
Can you drink tons and not be an alcoholic, my DSis stayed with me recently and I was shocked at how much she drank, she could easily drink 3 bottles of wine and a few beers and still seem quite sober. I think she drinks this amount most weekends as well. But she is also hugely sporty and fit.
JarOfFarts · 24/04/2020 18:25
Katie nope. I'm 14 months sober now. I'm so sorry you're struggling. Do you know where to access support etc?
Rainbow, I held down two jobs (including a "hands on" one), ran a household and cared for lots of pets/DC. I convinced myself I didn't have a problem because a) I didn't drink every day and b) I wasn't mainlining cheap cider from a brown bag on a park bench. An addict (I will always be an addict) can always find 1000 reasons why they don't have an issue. I did. I even compared myself to my "real alcoholic" friend, and convinced myself that I wasn't THAT bad.
I also walked (6 miles) to work quite often. So yes, you can be fit (supposedly), functioning etc, and still have a drink problem.
Have you broached it with her? I hope you don't mind me asking.
JarOfFarts · 24/04/2020 18:29
Tolerance to alcohol can be built up. I've been drinking heavily (half a bottle of vodka a day) since I was 12. And you force yourself to function, to "prove " you don't have an issue.
I'd be handling calls at the CAB, having had two double vodka and cokes on the way in- after all, the pub was open (at 8am!) so I couldn't be THAT bad...there were others drinking too...even remembering the bullshit I used to spout makes me cringe!
JarOfFarts · 24/04/2020 18:31
Reading that back, it almost sounds as if I'm bragging about it! Can I just say that I'm not? I'm just totally honest, and accepting of my fuck ups.
VerbenaGirl · 24/04/2020 18:33
Did you wake up every day with a hangover? If so, did having a drink help that, or did you have to wait until you felt a bit better?
crosser62 · 24/04/2020 18:33
How do you deal with and what do you think of those angry with you for what you put them through as an alcoholic?
JarOfFarts · 24/04/2020 18:37
A hangover meant that I would vow not to drink that day (I more often than not did).
I live with what I put people through as an alcoholic- that will stay with me forever. I said on another thread earlier- it didn't affect me...I was too pissed to care. It affected those sober enough to remember it in the morning.
And in a weird way, I'm grateful for that guilt! I think its one of the few things which stop me from slipping.
katew355 · 24/04/2020 18:38
What made you realise you had a problem with alcohol? Thank you for being so honest with your answers so far xx
JarOfFarts · 24/04/2020 18:45
I knew I had "a slight issue" way before I quit. I downplayed it so much though. Denial is a bitch. I'd be sitting nursing the v&c I mentioned upthread, fighting with myself. Half of me was arguing "this has to stop" and the other was denying I had an issue because "real" alcoholics wouldn't be able to do Sober October. Ignoring the fact that I'd woken up for the first three days shaking...it was the flu, of course! (What a dick I must have sounded)
The turning point was not knowing whether my bruises were from STBXH, or falling while mortal. I drank that day, then reached out to a friend (the "real alcoholic" I mentioned: she'd been in recovery for 18 months by then). She put me in touch with Addiction, and it started from there really.
JarOfFarts · 24/04/2020 18:49
Kate I refuse to be anything else. Everyone's recovery is different, but what got me this far is owning my shit.
I refuse to blame my past also. The DV, shit that happened in my childhood, did not make me drink. What made me drink was buying the wine, unscrewing the top, and pouring it down my throat. Harsh, maybe...but if this isn't the case, why am I not drinking now? I'm in a refuge with a FUCKLOAD of stuff going on...if there was an excuse for me to drink, surely this would be it?
JarOfFarts · 24/04/2020 18:54
danni thank you. Onwards and upwards. I think the real kudos, though, belong to those who stood by me, even when I was pissed, verbally abusive, spamming their inboxes with hints that I wouldn't be here in the morning etc. 🤍
bigchris · 24/04/2020 19:01
How did you afford 4 bottles of wine a day and a bottle of spirits ?
JarOfFarts · 24/04/2020 19:03
bigchris STBXH brought a fairly high wage home, and I claim PIP (the amount of which I lied about to keep some money aside for booze). I also spent the rent money a few times.
VivienLeighsHandbag · 24/04/2020 19:08
No questions. Just wanting to say wow, you are on your shit and sound like a woman who is in charge
myangelalex · 24/04/2020 19:09
A good friend is an alcoholic. He is almost permanently half cut. Drinks mostly beer, but anything he can. He always has a can in his hand. He hasn't got a steady job but is renting a small house. He looks quite well turned out, but often slurs his words. I've never seen him sober. He has a lovely supportive mother who worries about him and appears a 'normal' person.
Do people with this level, or an6 level of addiction or dependency on alcohol have issues from their childhood?
I find it hard to understand how a happy supportive early life would produce an alcoholic.
JarOfFarts · 24/04/2020 19:20
I went through months of group therapy, and met people from all walks of life. Some had had "normal" childhoods. Some were holding down successful positions at work etc. Trauma, childhood horrors etc, can be a factor- but not always.
It must be hard for you to witness this happening to someone you care about.
480Widdio · 24/04/2020 19:26
At 14 months sober,you have only just started your recovery journey.
It takes between 5-7 years for the brain of an Alcoholic to heal.
Be careful what advice you are giving.
Alcoholics drink because they are Alcoholics,no other reason.
Over analysing is not good for an Alcoholic.
I have been sober 17years now,I still don’t give out advice.
JarOfFarts · 24/04/2020 19:32
480 I wouldn't even know where to start to give advice. I only know about my addiction- not anyone else's, IYSWIM? And please believe I'm in no way saying I'm "over it"...I still struggle, I still lean on my peers, and I could still murder a vodka occasionally (although a LOT less than I used to!) I'd rather be over cautious than ever become complacent- I am still only one drink away from relapse.
If you don't mind me asking, have you ever slipped?
17 years is incredible!
RainbowCookie · 24/04/2020 20:19
Thank you, this is very helpful. I wish you luck on your journey.
I live in a country that has banned the sale of alcohol during lockdown, 4 weeks so far and at least another 2-3 weeks I reckon. I think there must be people really suffering at the moment. However our hospital admissions have dropped by 75% which show how much trouble people get into when they are drinking.
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