I home educate - my DS has never been to school - AMA

[OvertheUnicornRainbow]

My DS is almost 13, always been home-educated and is thriving. Ask me anything

The point about 5 highers (like a levels) is that no parent would need that level of expertise.

I always thought if I were to home ED I would have to teach them to the same level that school would have done, so higher. I suppose a tutor but I don't think it's so common in Scotland to have tutors for the full syllabus, often parents will get tutors to back up their kids school learning but they are usually university student themselves trying to make a bit of cash, I don't know of any full time private tutors. College only offer Higher English, Maths, Physics, Biology and Chemistry so no range at all.

I think a lot of families who HE either do so based on attachment parenting (don’t get me started) and therefore have a parent at home FT anyway, so do so because of special needs so in that case have a parent at home FT anyway!

Remember any HE parent has spent a lot of time and money on HE, so they are personally invested in saying it has been a success. I have never met a HE parent who says they made a mess of it.

@buckeejit - I have allowed myself to get a bit annoyed! But yes, school offers many things - one being lots of opportunities under one roof - much less input and commitment required of parents. But I am also aware of ways home-ed is better. And parents decide what is best for their individual DC.

Hours really vary. Maybe 4 hours a week each. He is not as such 'left alone' to study - there is someone around most of the time. But he studies a good few hours on his own a day - 6 hours maybe?
He doesn't have a tutor (he has in the past) but goes to 10 hours of small classes.

The lectures for example are put on for home-ed kids - not specifically, I don't think, but they are in the school day and I've never seen any school groups. There are enough home-ed kids attending. There are lots of educational trips that while available to schools - the smaller home-ed visits do get more out of it and more direct time for each child from the expert. My DD does some lovely trips but only 3 per year. I guess my DS does roughly 15 per year - it varies and there are so many different opportunities it is hard to lump it all in one - obviously all the out of school stuff too.

I suppose I just don't think GCSE is that hard. I don't feel incapable of supporting him with that. I mean when he's doing his Phd it might be a different story!

As for diverse people they come into contact with. I think the way I look at it is - my DD goes to school and mixes with the same people from our local area every day and the same teachers. But my DS's peers are from a much wider geographical location - there is more diversity in level of wealth, political views, jobs of parents - he also comes across more experts in their field than she does.

“you might be impressed with all your DD's GCSEs - but in the real world they're not that important. By the time my DS and your DD have their dad agrees no one will care how many GCSEs they have!”

Wrong. You won’t even get on to the really competitive (is not pointless) degree courses. Hope he’s not planning on studying medicine or similar. You are severely limiting your child’s life choices and you don’t even know it.

Are the lectures put on by museums or the public ones put on by universities? The ones done specifically for HE children in my city are a repeat of the ones offered to schools at a separate time. The ones aimed at schools/HE are linked to national curriculum. The ones offered by universities and others are not. I go to some. They are interesting. But unless linked to wider learning around the subject are more in the general knowledge category.

OP the 10 hours of classes - does that 10 hours include the karate and 2 art classes?

But he studies a good few hours on his own a day - 6 hours maybe?

6 hours a day studying on his own OP? Do you mean on his own or with input from you? If on his own that sounds desperately lonely to me.

Museum trips and studying independently is something my DD does in addition to school.

I’m very open minded to home schooling in general though but you in particular sound like your doing your DS an enormous disservice.

6 hours a day is a normal length school day. And yes it is lonely to study for 6 hours a day alone.

Being a nurse you’re obviously very intelligent yourself which I suppose must help. But on the other hand I’m a lawyer and couldn’t imagine anything worse than trying to educate my own kids! How important do you think intelligence is in being able to be a home educator or do you think other qualities are more important and if so, which ones?

If you do want to HE you need to provide real daily social opportunities with peers. These need to be every day. You need to be making sure that your children are learning at an equal level at least of their peers in school. That they have someone who can explain things they don't understand. That they have someone who will encourage them to learn when something is hard to grasp. That they are encouraged to learn things they find hard and boring, and not just things that excite them. That they can get the qualifications they need if they are bright enough, to do any course, including science based courses. That they get time away from their parents so they learn some independence and a sense of a life separate from them.

This is hard to achieve. It is possible, but very hard.

I think the best scenario is children in a good school with engaged parents who take them to museums, support their learning, etc outside of school. So one of my DCs was obsessed with Egypt and taught himself to read hieroglyphics when younger. He still went to school.

@janemaster - maybe it was like that when you did it - things have moved on!

@janemaster I couldn't agree more

OP your DC does get more interaction than I did as he attends karate, arts classes and 2 GCSE classes. I have said this is far more than I had. But you also said your DC studies everyday alone for about 6 hours, and that most of his social interaction is not with peers. This was my life. I don't think anything I say will persuade you of my concerns. You are invested in HE.

As I said I do think it is possible to HE well, possible but rare. But I also think it requires a real understanding of what socialisation means and why lots of peer interaction is crucial. And an understanding of why having a sense of your own life separate from your parents matters. These are about understanding psychologically how children and teenagers develop, and many parents don't seem to understand this. With school educated children it happens anyway even if their parents do not understand it. It does not happen naturally with HE DCs.

@janemaster - why not start an AMA as you have a lot to say about how HE was in the past?

I find it interesting @janemaster that you say you feel a lot of HE parents view of school is outdated but don't acknowledge that maybe your own experience of HE is?

Now I don't know every HE parent in my area of course but I don't know there are enough social events/groups /classes etc that we could do three different activities a day, still not do them all and never see the same children twice. Or we can be more selective and always hang out with the same kids. My daughters both have lots of friends both of their own age and varying, some HE some don't. We see a fair few teens at groups usually hanging out In their own little gang although they're awesome at thinking up noisy games for the younger kids when they want to too!

From speaking to people both here and the town I grew up in which is much more rural our experience isn't especially unusual. Of course there will always be parents who put in less effort than others, but this is also true of school right?

I'm reading this with interest, and wonder how you found the small groups your son goes to? Are these hosted at different home-Ed parent's homes?
Also, as a parents of two children with ASD, how do you manage with refusal... any PDA traits? I worry myself if I homeschooled that my kids could become more fixed on refusing things (although of course your son may not have those types of PDA traits).
Thanks. It does sound, to me, like you've got a good thing going, and are flexible and open in your approach.
Regarding the online learning... are these lessons? How does that work? Does the student have to be online at a certain time for a lesson, or can they learn at a time that works for the family?
Really very interested in understanding more.
Thanks!!

@overtheunicornrainbow, excellent AMA.

May I ask, have you found it difficult accessing support/assessments (I see you said he was only recently diagnosed) for your DS’ autism due to his HE status?

maybe it was like that when you did it - things have moved on

It totally has moved on. There's a huge home ed network in my area with loads of socialisation and learning opportunities. This is not the dated home ed of the past.

Yes I am an adult so was HE a long while ago. But I knew a few families currently HE and in spite of a few more HE groups, their experience does not seem much different to mine.
As I said it is possible to HE well, but hard.

If you are going to 3 HE classes everyday, then effectively though you are simply reproducing a different kind of school, albeit one that is unregulated. I would be interested though to know where you live, as I do not know anywhere that has 3 HE every single day that are suitable for a teenager to learn at. Where I live has a big HE community and I have just googled activities. It is the usual Forest School, arts workshops, learning about the origins of the universe. All fine for younger children, but totally unsuitable for older children.

OP, how do you evaluate the effectiveness of the education that you're providing for your ds?

Also, can you describe your ds's closest friendships? How does he know his closest friends, what does he do with them, how often does he see them etc?

Also, how does he develop "softer" skills such as teamwork, leadership skills etc.

How has he been able to develop a really clear understanding of his own strengths and weaknesses?

And how is he learning to persevere and push through stuff that he doesn't find easy and/or interesting but has to be done anyway?

@janemaster you really are on a quest to demonise HE, you have had several posters who’s direct experience is in opposition to yours yet you continue to deny the possibility that HE can be different to your personal and anecdotal experience.

Why is that, why are you so against a parent educating their child in the way that’s best for them?

It totally has moved on. There's a huge home ed network in my area with loads of socialisation and learning opportunities. This is not the dated home ed of the past.

Sounds to me like you're saying that home ed has evolved to become more like school - just a more flexible version.

I'm west london. Possibly not every group is what you would consider "learning" though. Bushcraft teaches many skills. Some of them will be more social type groups (climbing, trampolining etc) some will be more formal gcse classes. Very few people will attend three groups in a day but the freedom is there should you want too.

My own are still primary age so we do tend to do a lot of more informal learning althiugh I choose to loosely follow the nation curriculum so the choice to go back to school wouldn't be too big a step for them.

Maybe it makes me a bad parent in some people's eyes but Tbh at this point I couldn't care less if my 9yo is working at the same level as her peers (she's actually gone from being behind to ahead) she's no longer so stressed about tests that she's self harming in the classroom or talking about wishing she wasn't here nor having her struggles ignored because she's not behind enough.

You can sit as many gcses as you like but they're not much good to you if your dead

@atankofskunks - can include the weekend sometimes. Obviously he studies when he wants - weekends included but we do lots of family stuff at the weekends. Also the home-ed activities are during the week.

@janemaster - I think it depends on your income if you get support for child care. Most working parents I know who home-ed don't use childcare but some use a home-ed CM a couple of days. The benefit being the child can still access home-ed activities and if this suits them better than school then it is of benefit. The only child care I've used is holiday clubs.

@atankofskunks - that was my point - why stick to a text book. I'm afraid lots of school teachers use a lot of textbook material. And yes - I said sometimes he is home alone - I never said he was stuck at home with just a textbook!! I have said his dad is involved from the beginning of the thread. I've answered why my youngest is at school now. All kids are different - different things suit different DC - that is the point!