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AMA
Original poster

I have been a surrogate... AMA.

42 replies

Beebeezed · 17/10/2019 20:58

I did this for an acquaintance (well, she was at the time, we are now very very good friends)
I do see the child now, she is not yet old enough to understand everything but does occasionally refer to me as ‘Tummy mummy’
I have now gone on to have my own child.
Ask me anything!

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Breathlessness · 17/10/2019 21:00

Are you the biological parent of the child you carried?

Dairymilkmuncher · 17/10/2019 21:01

Are you ever upset that you couldn't keep her? Or disapproving of their parenting choices?

CalmFizz · 17/10/2019 21:02

Did you get paid?

Did you make the offer to the couple as you knew they were struggling, or were you approached? Do you know if other people were approached before/at the same time as you?

Hey1256 · 17/10/2019 21:03

What made you decide you want to do it?

Tiptopj · 17/10/2019 21:04

What made you decide to help? Is it something you always wanted to do ir was this this particular persons circumstances

ConstanzaAndSalieri · 17/10/2019 21:05

Who held the baby first?

Strawberrypancakes · 17/10/2019 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Beebeezed · 17/10/2019 21:09

Are you the biological parent of the child you carried?
No, the surrogacy was a gestational surrogacy

Are you ever upset that you couldn't keep her? Or disapproving of their parenting choices?

She is a beautiful, funny, clever little girl that I am proud to have carried but... she isn’t mine. I used to have to occasionally remind myself of this, but not now. I think of it as ‘her mothers car was broken, so I drove the baby home... in her mothers car seat.’ This may sound strange but it did help me rationalise everything. You do naturally feel emotional after having a baby, and this helped me during times I felt regretful.
The mother and father are fantastic parents. I am in awe of them. They have had a horrible time (many miscarriages and a still born son) and their daughter is their world. They are firm but fair.

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Original poster
Beebeezed · 17/10/2019 21:14

Did you get paid?
Yes. I won’t say the exact amount but more than 20000 and less than 25000

Did you make the offer to the couple as you knew they were struggling, or were you approached? Do you know if other people were approached before/at the same time as you?
We met at a mutual friends dinner party, at the time I was single and didn’t think I wanted children of my own but always wanted to experience pregnancy. They told me of their troubles and I offered to help.

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Original poster
Beebeezed · 17/10/2019 21:15

What made you decide to help? Is it something you always wanted to do ir was this this particular persons circumstance
I never wanted to be a mum but always wanted to be pregnant. Strange, I know. Ironically since becoming a surrogate I realised how much I did want to be a mum. The couples story also pulled at my heart strings. Everything seemed right.

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Original poster
Beebeezed · 17/10/2019 21:16

Who held the baby first?
Her mother, and then her father. Both skin to skin.

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NavyBerry · 17/10/2019 21:19

What were your first days and weeks like after giving birth? Did you tell everyone about your status? What was the reaction of some strangers/colleagues/your family?

Original poster
Beebeezed · 17/10/2019 21:19

Did they ask you about diet / lifestyle choices?
We informally had these discussions, I’m a non smoker and relatively fit. Enjoy an occasional drink but assured them that would stop as soon as I was pregnant. We met every week or so also. Her father kindly bought my vitamins and dropped them to my house whenever I’d run out, I never asked him to - I could easily afford it but I think it felt to him like his contribution during a pretty helpless time.

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Hey1256 · 17/10/2019 21:24

Do you have any regrets?

Original poster
Beebeezed · 17/10/2019 21:24

What were your first days and weeks like after giving birth? Did you tell everyone about your status? What was the reaction of some strangers/colleagues/your family?
Up and down. A physically strange experience. My body thought I had a baby and yet I didn’t. I was very emotional and had moments of depression, which I now think was due to hormones as well as a realisation of what I’d been through. I was also overjoyed that their baby was healthy and thriving. A very odd time.

I was very open about my situation. Everyone that commented on my pregnancy I would quickly say ‘I’m a surrogate’ to avoid awkwardness.

Everyone I am close to told me not to do it. But I really really wanted to so didn’t listen. I am glad I didn’t listen but understand their initial concerns

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Original poster
Beebeezed · 17/10/2019 21:28

Do you have any regrets?
No regrets but I do wish I had been more educated on how I’d feel on the weeks after the pregnancy. I had done a lot of research but nothing could prepare me for the hormonal overload. If I did it again (which I would, in a heartbeat for the right family) I would be more prepared for the feelings after the birth.

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Hey1256 · 17/10/2019 21:31

I think it's such a kind selfless thing to do and I also think a beautiful thing that it's made you realise you now want kids, or else you may have missed out on the whole experience which would be ashame X

Scarlett555 · 17/10/2019 21:34

Interesting thread! Are you in the UK? If so did it bother you that you were accepting money illegally? (It is only legal to reimburse surrogates reasonable expenses in the UK)

Original poster
Beebeezed · 17/10/2019 21:38

@Scarlett555 correct.......and what is reasonable depends entirely on each individual circumstance. 😊 The UK has no set legal figure. We went through all legit legal routes, who do not (or very very rarely) question the ‘reasonable’ amount

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Original poster
Beebeezed · 17/10/2019 21:39

@Hey1256 thank you, it was not selfless as I did get paid, however I do appreciate how much it shaped me as a person 😊

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SheRaTheAllPowerful · 17/10/2019 21:42

If they asked you again would you have a second child for them? I think it’s wonderful but I’m glad you went on to have a child of your own

Original poster
Beebeezed · 17/10/2019 21:47

*SheRaTheAllPowerful

If they asked you again would you have a second child for them? I think it’s wonderful but I’m glad you went on to have a child of your own*

Yes! Absolutely! I would love this. Not for a while, maybe a few years but I would 100% love to give their daughter a sibling. I would prefer to do this for them than anyone else as I know our relationship works.

Although I would have to think about how to explain it to my child. They are too young to understand at the moment but if I was asked at a time that they would understand id have to be 100% sure that it wouldn’t confuse or upset my child. If I thought it would, I wouldn’t do it.

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itreallyisanicefence · 17/10/2019 22:01

This is a lovely thread and very interesting!

NavyBerry · 18/10/2019 14:11

Are you or were you worried that all connections with you will be cut one day and you will never see the child again?

Original poster
Beebeezed · 18/10/2019 15:48

Are you or were you worried that all connections with you will be cut one day and you will never see the child again?

I guess it did cross my mind. What if these lovely people aren’t actually so lovely once the baby arrives and never speak to me again. Although, if they had made that decision I’d have had to accept it. Luckily, our relationship is strong. Whatever route they want to go down in regards to contact and explanations with their daughter I will support.

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