I am an ex Jehovah's witness. AMA

[gem584848838]

Not sure if this will be of interest to anyone! As per the title I am an ex Jehovah's witness that had been disfellowshipped from the religion. AMA

@HumptyDumptyHadAGreatFall how awful for you to be told this as such a young age. You must have been terrified

@Mmmmdanone I don't resent my parents because they were only doing what they thought best for me and my siblings. They were brainwashed. That was all they knew and they really do believe in it all. It's sad because they are both intelligent people but in the cult they are taught not to think for themselves and literally follow everything they are told

Hi Gem! I've a question. I'm an operating theatre nurse. We had an emergency case, young gentleman with his newborn baby and wife. He was JW and was bleeding a lot, so much so he was about to die. We explained the benefits of surgery but that he would need a transfusion, the surgery alone would not save his life.

He refused the blood, as is his wish but goes against everything we wish once I got him to the anaesthetic room he quietly asked me if he could change his mind. He would like the blood. We got it up as quickly as possible and the transfusion was started. He asked to see his family before going for his surgery to say goodbye but asked us to hide/conceal the blood which we did to as well as we could.

He asked that the blood be disconnected before he went to ICU and that his family was never to see it or know about it.

What would happen to him if his family did find out? Would he be shunned? I never knew the outcome but I know that he did survive and was discharged.

@RJnomore1 that's awful! That poor girl..so many lifes robbed and so many children abused and not believed. I'm so lucky to not have been one of those. It makes me so sad thinking children are still going through it today in that cult ☹

@MaryPoppins when I was a child I didn't really miss birthdays and christmases. I guess it was because I was surrounded by all my JW friends that I wasn't really bothered. It was more as I got older and working and missing out on the Christmas drinks and parties.

I don't understand that if it was a winter decoration that she wouldn't be able to do it. If it was Christmas related with Santa clause or elves etc then no but if it was snow themed with snow men etc then surely she would be able to do it? I'm sure my parents would have been fine with that. Saying that some parents were a lot stricter. For instance in primary school there was a JW boy in my class that didn't sit in on the religious studies lesson whereas my parents were fine with that. They felt that if I learnt more about other religions then that could help me when speaking to others in the preaching work

Does anyone else watch the John Ceders channel? Well worth a watch.

Pillowgare is particularly fun.

@wontletmelogin that's so sad! That poor man ☹ he must have been so sad and to have to hide the fact that he was taking blood when it would have saved his life is awful!

In answer to your question I knew of a few people when I was in the cult that did have blood transfusions and they were disfellowshiped from the congregation as it was viewed that they had sinned.

*verytiredandstressed" My OH is a child of lrish Catholic parents. ln particular, his mother is very devout - goes to mass every day. That's the way she was brought up, and consequently did the same with her children. He considers being brought up in that way to be brainwashing, and doesn't want anything to do with it. He used to have nightmares about the Sacred Heart.

@sashh I have seen a few of his videos. Tbh i watched a lot more when I was first out but in recent years I haven't. My sister watches a lot of his videos as she is more recently out and it's a lot more raw for her

l have a lovely friend who is actually an ordained 'minister' (l'm not sure if that's the right term for his faith) of his church. He worked with special needs adults, first in post compulsory education, and also looked after older male adults in his home a few days a week.
The older men live in a family home, l think there were three of them. My friend used to look after one (let's call him Billy) in particular. The woman who owned the family home was a very devout JW. Every time my friend would go to collect/take Billy home after being at his house, she would pushing her faith onto him. lnviting him to meetings, pushing him to read the bible, etc. Even though she knew he had his own very longstanding faith, never mind actually being a minister of that faith. He used to get quite annoyed about it as he said she'd have gone mad if he'd tried to push his beliefs onto her. She was very vocal about non JW's to him, which he found rude and insulting. l don't know how she'd have reacted if she'd found out he was gay.

OP what do JWs think of organ transplantation? Is that the same as blood transfusions?

I had a JW knock on my door a few years ago turned out it was someone I went to school with.
He got into drugs in a very bad way even in high school there were rumours that he was on something.
He told me about his struggles with drugs but that JW came along and saved him. He seemed happy enough with his life now.
Do you get alot of ex addicts joining?

mmmmm "Smother* I really think of you don't question and you believe this all forever, you can have a lovely life. The girl has some ASN and I think that this will be ok for her - a ready made community to look after her and they are genuinely good, if deluded, people. The boy is a thinker. He won't always believe this I'm sure. I'm not being sexist, I'm taking about personalities.

You cant conveniently, to support your belief, put sexism to one side

Its definitely bad for women and girks to live under sexism, and I your comments are very insulting in the light of the posts on this thread that speak of the very real risk to life in this cult, especially to the vulnerable.

I hope you never advocate anyone do this,as that particukar vuknerable girl you speak of would be killed if she needed a transfusion, and vulnerable to rape and predatory males without any protection or safeguarding.

This is very ignorant in an age when women are still having to fight to protect themselves and their dc.

OP has been very indulgent of your sexist views.

cookie the thread theme has been very much that the vulnerable are preyed on.

Its so worrying as they have no protections, and as a man it must seem very appealing for him to have his status elevated purely because of his sex.

Vulnerable powr crave power as theyve normally lost all but tiny vestiges of control over their lives, unfortunately, from whats been shared here, all hes done is hand over control again, instead of take control himself, which is how these relationships are perpetuated, sadly.

@gem584848838 I’m glad you started this thread. Iv name changed just to comment on here as I want to ask when it becomes ‘normal’ to be out?

I was brought up jw and baptised.... had a horrific adult hood, married an abusive vile man (who treated me like a princess whilst ‘courting’) and was moved 300 miles away. Had dc, managed to get divorce and went through hell when he had EOW contact.... won’t share info about my dc on here. I went on to remarry 5 years ago... I shouldn’t have and regret it. It felt like an arranged marriage. He was a family members best friend and as a single parent being a jw you were seen not as a real family and need to have a husband etc.... so i believed this and remarried. I ended the marriage as I didn’t love him and he was making me and dc miserable and I had started to see the ‘light in the truth.... basically my world fell apart, all my family stopped contact and sided with him. Everything I knew taken away. I had no friends as I obv was not allowed any that weren’t jw, all my siblings refused to have anything to do with me and dc. All because I ended a marriage. I never cheated and there hasn’t been anyone since. Yet haven’t seen most of my siblings for about 3/4 years. I’m the black sheep. My parents keep me at arms length but keep involved due to the dc thankfully but I was left with nothing. All my ‘friends’ shunned me.

I went through hell with dc, one of them nearly died, yet they were all no where to be seen. Apart from briefly my parents. I won’t ever forgive my siblings for it. They briefly yearly try to arrange a get together and I’m alwaya ‘busy’ as I don’t want anything to do with them. I also had poor ill health about a year ago and my sisters reached out but still keep me at arms length. I’ve accepted that. What I can’t accept is i feel I live a ‘secret’ at dc birthday and Christmas. My dc were brought up jw for first 5 years or so of their lives and they remember the meetings etc but also have seen how the jws treated me so they want nothing to do with it. Iv told them when they are older they can do as they please regarding religion.

I can’t openly celebrate dc birthday or Christmas in fear of my parents finding out.... I wasn’t disfellowshipped but shunned.... I don’t want to be d’shsd..... but fear I will be when the elders hear of me celebrating Christmas.... they can do that without you even being there. I know of people who just fell away and then led their lives how they wanted with no repercussions but I know that won’t happen to me as bad things always happen to me. Sorry that’s really long but wondered how long it takes to feel ok to live a ‘normal’ life? I now don’t trust people, have few friends, feel shame, fear, all down to them and yes being brain washed...

Smother maybe the op understands what I actually meant.

I am finding this thread fascinating. I have personally known a couple of Jehovah’s Witnesses and found them to be among the kindest, most honest people I have come across. We had a JW family at DD’s primary school, and DD was invited to their house for tea. As she was only in reception I was included in the invitation because at that age most of the children weren’t confident at being left. As I was there I was invited to eat with them as well. The children were allowed to play at friend’s houses as well, as long as it wasn’t a birthday/Christmas party. This was at primary school. I think that as they got older they weren’t encouraged to mix with non JWs outside of school. The family were, and are still lovely, and have never tried to impose their beliefs on me.

The other JW I knew was someone I worked with, and he was such good company. As he was a sales rep he had to attend conferences and exhibitions. The only event he was uncomfortable at was when we had a magician, so he left the room. He was half Japanese and did a brilliant impression of Kato from The Pink Panther.

Re other minority religions – I shared a flat with two Mormons, and they were lovely as well, and completely unjudgemental. One of my friends turned up in the middle of the night very drunk, and in a bad mental state. One of the Mormons invited him in, made him a coffee and calmed him down. A true Christian way to behave.

Then there are the Plymouth Brethren. I went to school with a few, and couldn’t believe how restricted their life was – no radio, no TV, no going out to films/theatre/music etc. Their lifestyle seems so joyless. At work we used to have a lot of PB customers and had to publish a different catalogue for them as we had to remove all modern technology and Photoshop all the barcodes of any images showing them.

Are you a JW Rememberfluffthecat? I don’t think you are being very fair dismissing the OP’s personal experiences

One of the local vicars thinks the JW religion is evil as he had a run in with them when one member of the cult decided to leave the JW. The vicar was supporting him in his decision. It was even in the local paper.

They think all other Christians are using a bastardised version of the Bible which has been altered

And our vicar thinks that JW’s use a bastardised version of the bible that has been altered to suit them.

And finally, a stupid question from me. Do Jehovah’s Witnesses eat black pudding?

Do Jehovah’s Witnesses eat black pudding.

No, they don’t have anything to do with blood products.

It’s several decades since I walked away and the things I’ve read here lead me to believe the faith has changed since I left. I don’t remember them being so extreme and their behaviour four years ago when my mum died certainly wasn’t as some of you describe. I wonder if it’s because they hope I’ll return.

Thank you for answering my post, OP
His mum was clearly very much part of the congregation. She used to take me to all meetings and large assemblys where we all had name badges and it seemed to go on forever! Even when I did go home to another part of London she arranged for local JVs to meet me in cafes etc. It took 10 years to finally walk away from my first love but thank God I did!
I might have went off the rails a bit when I was finally free and got too many tattoos/ had too much fun etc ☺

I don’t remember them being so extreme

I wonder if it is because they feel more threatened these days. Given that we have a wider access to information and can share knowledge at the touch of a button it is easier for people to access a wider point of view on everything.

Possibly. Or perhaps because the whole world seems to have become more extreme. Society feels to me far less tolerant generally than when I was young.

I was raised as a JW. Around 6 years old I remember sitting on my grandma's knee and playing with a gold chain necklace she was wearing. As I pulled it up from her blouse I realised it was a crucifix - that was bad enough as a lot was made of Jesus dying on a stake rather than a cross, but it had a tiny Jesus figure on it which was really beyond the pale. My reaction was similar to that of a vampire - followed by sadness that my granny would die at Armageddon.

I would have a similar visceral reaction to anything that was outright banned, frowned upon etc because they all = death come Armageddon. In school, given this context, Xmas table decs obviously rebranded as 'winter' decs would cause alarm. Your desire to include the child can easily be respun as the devil placing temptation in the path of the believer. I used to live in fear of being 'tested' and failing. And because almost everything is a sin, of being found to be a sinner and cast out and publicly shamed.

I remember a man from our local congregation, we went to bible studies at their house, we went to school with their kids, had known the family for years etc, being disfellowshipped because it was a public event at the Kingdom Hall. He was an alcoholic. It was an awful, physically shocking event.

@AlexTheKid yes it is. Organ and blood transfusions and donations are not allowed.

@wontletmelogin That's a tricky case.
The most likely outcomes I can see:

1. If she did find out, she would keep it a secret herself due to fear of being disfellowed for divorce or association.

2. she would divorce and tell people she just couldn't live with a man who had abandoned Jehovah. Depending on the congregation and her relationship with elders, she'd probably be allowed to stay. Having a baby would go in her favour, raising the future etc. If her family were JWs too, that'd also help. He would be disfellowed and spoken badly of. Mother would be treated differently too, either for a period of time or indefinitely again depending on congregation and her relationship with elders.

3. She divorced and everyone got disfellowed.

If someone else found out that would take away option 1 and she'd have to react quickly before they were all disfellowed.

Mmmmdanone you have tried to justify sexism there, and tried to draw OP into your collusion.

Which is hardly fair or reasonable is it.