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AMA
Original poster

I am an ex Jehovah's witness. AMA

343 replies

gem584848838 · 11/10/2019 21:08

Not sure if this will be of interest to anyone! As per the title I am an ex Jehovah's witness that had been disfellowshipped from the religion. AMA

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 12/10/2019 20:46

RoseQuartzGlow please don't worry about hijacking the thread. Any input from anyone who was a JW is fascinating.

Mmmmdanone · 12/10/2019 20:49

Rosequartz I used to get given the magazines by my friend -before she decided I was unsalvageable- and I did laugh at the pictures in them of people snuggling up to lions.

Alsohuman · 12/10/2019 20:49

@RJnomore1, I concluded myself that there may have been some thought of enticing me back, that doesn’t detract from their genuine kindness and my appreciation for it at a terrible time.

They certainly didn’t see my mum as spiritually weak, she was the oldest and longest serving sister in her congregation, they held her in the highest respect. To my knowledge she wasn’t asked not to associate with me but I drifted away, I wasn’t disfellowshipped, maybe that’s why.

Original poster
gem584848838 · 12/10/2019 21:09

@RoseQuartzGlow no worries! I've been a bit AWOL so I'm glad someone else is answering for me! I've got a 3 month old baby that is constantly feeding and very alert today so have been kept preoccupied.

I'm glad so many people have found it interesting

OP posts:
Smotheroffive · 12/10/2019 21:21

Alsohuman
I’m not denying anyone’s experience. I’m offering my experience as the child of a JW mother. Mine was different, it sounds as if you’re denying my experience because it doesn’t fit your narrative
Hmm
This has been explained in terms of seeking out the vulnerable to convert.

It now sounds like you're projecting. I dontthave a narrative. I am learning from the rules and oratcies of JW that have been posted on here. Whereas you seem determined to deny thes rules and practices exist, instead its all fluffy bunnies.

The reality from what posters who have lived it themselves have been subjected to have been indoctrinated and were desperate to escape from,but in so doing have lost everything, because to JW its unacceptable so you must be utterly isolated. How cruel for people who claim any semblance of love.

You would deny all this?

What I don't get is why? You are completely ignoring the rules of jw.

It is you that seems to be pushing a narrative, desoite all the obvious risks inherent.

What do you think of these practices? You seem to want to ignore all that? Why is that?

Smotheroffive · 12/10/2019 21:24

Why would you be disfellowshipped?

I thought you said it was your mother, not you?

Why are you not in JW?

Toddlerteaplease · 12/10/2019 21:29

@Babdoc we had a child at work that needed major surgery, that always needs a transfusion or cell salvage. It was made very clear to mum that the theatre team would not allow the child to die for lack of blood. A court order was obtained so they could give one. In the end it was managed without. But it prolonged his recovery and meant a severely needle phobic child had to have more cannula and injections. I thought it odd at the time that the 'liason committee' were so involved. And Visited almost daily. It seemed like a way of controlling mum. And checking up that blood was not given in secret.

Toddlerteaplease · 12/10/2019 21:46

He was in over Christmas which was quite awkward, as Christmas on a children's ward is not exactly low key! Presents and many local celebrity visits every day. He was a lovely child as was mum, and seemed ok about missing out. But we found it difficult not to include him.

buckeejit · 12/10/2019 22:11

What an interesting thread. OP - that was an amazing liberating litte act of rebellion to give blood when you left 😁

It sounds similar to Scientology. Troublemaker by Leah Remini is a good read. Such a devastating thing to be shunned & have shame & guilt piled on you when it should be praise for your bravery in leaving x

Alsohuman · 13/10/2019 00:25

@Smotheroffive, had you bothered to RTFT you’d know that I was brought up as a JW and walked away when I was 18. I’ve already explained that I couldn’t accept the constraints life in the faith would place on me. Clearly other people’s experience is different, that doesn’t make mine less valid.

JoantheVampireSlayer · 13/10/2019 00:44

gem I am so happy for you that you have managed to escape and build a life for yourself and your daughter. You are very brave.

My uncle is a JW. Over the past 30 years I've watched him destroy my aunt and their children. I'm sure plenty of followers are decent people but it is a cult, plain and simple.

Smotheroffive · 13/10/2019 00:46

had you bothered to RTFT - had I bothered Hmm. How rude.

I did as it happens. I must've missed this bit as I had recalled you wrote about your mother, etc.

What 'constraints'? As you so carefully put it?

Does it worry or concern you to challenge what they do? Their control, and abuse?

Are you here to protect them? Why so, as you left?

cabbageking · 13/10/2019 01:08

If you wish to leave then you can just leave.
Many leave for no reason other than they have perhaps lost faith.
Sometimes they return, some pop in every so often and some just drift away.
They don't shun you unless you do something serious and it threatens the congregation.

If they turned their back on you or your friend was shunned for her husband leaving her then this was wrong. That woman needed comfort and support. This is not the correct behaviour for a congregation that tries to follow the golden rule. Love others as your self.

This is not a JW site and may offer some information about the blood issues.
www.hopkinsmedicine.org/bloodless_medicine_surgery/index.html
www.digitaljournal.com/article/287219.
www.nbcnews.com/id/12466831/ns/health-health_care/t/bloodless-surgery-avoids-risks-transfusion/#.XaJpx_ZFxgU This was dated 2006 and things have moved on since then
There are also information about synthetic blood on the internet if you wish to search for it.
In every congregation or group of people you will find honest genuine people and others who are not. The JW congregation is no different.

You have to chose wisely who you want as a friend, regardless of them being a JW or not.

Alsohuman · 13/10/2019 01:33

No, @Smotheroffive, I’m not here to protect them. I’m here to relate my experience which is as valid as anyone else’s who has been closely involved with JWs. This clearly upsets you as it conflicts with your view, based on zero personal experience, that they are an evil, pernicious cult.

RoseQuartzGlow · 13/10/2019 01:49

You sound very angry Also human, and unwilling to accept the experiences of others on this thread. If you left due to the constraints put upon you, I imagine you felt the constraints were not things you accepted to be necessary or right. You don't talk about how you felt about this.
As many have said, in the main JWs are not bad people, they are just deluded and brainwashed. The whole premise of the religion (I'm not sure I would call it a cult) is deeply controlling and misguided. It does destroy lives and create guilt and shame which is long lasting. I think it's strange you don't acknowledge any of the negative factors highlighted above. You sound very defensive and angry.

SgtFredColon · 13/10/2019 01:52

I’ve posted this on here before but many of the things described here are not accurate in relation to the JWs I know (sibling is one so I know quite a few). Not denying what the former JWs are saying about their own experiences but some of the rules aren’t familiar to me or don’t seem to apply to our local faction.

  • they don’t accept or donate blood but they can receive or donate organs (personal decision)
  • happy to associate with non JWs (although wouldn’t marry one - that’s the only restriction I know). It’s made no difference to DB’s relationship with the rest of my family or his wife’s with hers and I was good friends with a JW at school.
  • dates aren’t chaperoned although they don’t have sex before marriage
  • many of them university educated (and a couple of them are lecturers)

The people hanging out with lions in paradise is true though Grin

RoseQuartzGlow · 13/10/2019 01:58

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-40704990

twitter.com/hashtag/exjw?lang=en

www.reddit.com/r/exjw/

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/jehovahs-witnesses-religion-christianity-religious-group-what-is-it-like-a7214966.html

Some interesting links.
Certainly when I was in the organisation it was thought best practice for couples to go out as part of a group or with at least one other person to avoid 'temptation'.

I don't think any JW is encouraged to associate with non JWs They do have friends and associates outside the belief system but it certainly isn't encouraged.

Very few are well educated - perhaps your particular congregation is an exception. There are always some, but not many.

RoseQuartzGlow · 13/10/2019 02:00

Ah sorry, the last is behind a paywall.

RoseQuartzGlow · 13/10/2019 02:02

Also, the Williams sisters, Prince and Peter Andre were brought up as JWs. Michael Jackson's mother was/is one.

SgtFredColon · 13/10/2019 02:14

Very few are well educated - perhaps your particular congregation is an exception. There are always some, but not many.

Yeah, maybe I just happen to know the educated ones and not the others. I know 3 that have PhDs but had never heard education wasn’t encouraged until on here.

I wouldn’t have thought they were encouraged to hang out with non JWs no, but I’ve seen on here about kids not being allowed on play dates etc and that wasn’t something I’d heard of either. Maybe some people enforce it more than others? 🤷🏻‍♀️

SgtFredColon · 13/10/2019 02:16

Didn’t know about Peter Andre!

Didn’t Prince go back to it and had to stop singing his dirty songs in concert!?

RoseQuartzGlow · 13/10/2019 02:25

Yes Prince did go back to it. He was one when he died. I think it does depend on the congregation and the individuals concerned how strictly the rules are enforced. Some people are really zealous, others more casual. However, there is a huge emphasis on striving for higher standards as they see it. They less contact they have with people 'in the world' the better as it means less temptation. So many families would not encourage their children to have friends outside the religion. Myself and my siblings were not told not to play with other children, but I suppose it depends whether there are enough like minded children in the congregation who get along. I didn't have any friends 'in the truth'.

Beautiful3 · 13/10/2019 02:32

Hi, well done for leaving. I know it can be hard. I left when I was 12. I knew deep down that it was wrong. I watched the congregation shun a disfellowshiped witness. Her crime was that she was seen smoking a cigarette at a nightclub! Felt so bad for her being ignored by her family and "friends". I did miss being part of a group for years though, like you said it's a sense of belonging. I got married and have children now. I celebrate their birthday and christmas and its lovely. I do believe in God and that he loves everyone, regardless of who we are. Religion and its rules are evil and man made.

justinhawkinsnavalfluff · 13/10/2019 03:04

gem584848838 thank you for this thread it so mirrors my own experience as an ex JW.
I echo the comments about Apostasy being a fantastic film .

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