I'm a midwife AMA

[Jemima232]

Community Midwife with four children of my own.

Also worked as an Independent Midwife.

Breastfeeding Counsellor and Sleep Consultant.

I just wanted to say thank you for this thread, which I've read and found really informative. Your care and compassion shines out.

I also wanted to echo the recommendation you've given a couple of posters to use a debriefing service if possible. I was quite hesitant to do this because I didn't think the ways my labour was mishandled were 'bad enough' but it was actually a very, very healing and validating process for me and I'm so glad I did.

@Pinkkahori

Your babies cords and birthweights

I've finally got to your question and it's hard to answer without actually seeing both placentae.

The reason is that cords do vary enormously from one baby to another. You say that it became detached from the placenta when the midwife pulled it and you needed a manual removal.
This demonstrates, if nothing else, how much danger there can be for women during the third stage of labour, which I touched upon in a previous answer. I don't mean that the midwife was negligent.

Since I cannot examine the placentae from your DC, I cannot give a definitive answer, but generally, in my experience (30+ years) a thin cord which breaks off is sometimes associated with a placenta which isn't functioning as well as it could.

Your DD was 6lb, which isn't tiny, but small in comparison to the average birthweight of a baby born here. You hadn't had a scan during the third trimester. It would be interesting to know what the condition of the placenta had been. Can you ask your midwife to check what was written at the time?

@FlopsyAndFlim

Dignity and Privacy in Labour

You make a massively important point.

No, it should never be "fair game" for staff to wander around willy nilly when women are giving birth, and this applies in theatres just as much as it does in delivery rooms.

It is outrageous that women should need a sticker on their notes, asking for staff not to be wandering around at the bottom of the operating table while they are being catheterised. Maybe the very fact that such a sticker system is even being used ought to give staff pause for thought.

How do we tackle this? I wish I knew.

@StrumpersPlunkett

Giving birth in Japan

I wouldn't want ever to give birth anywhere where pain relief was not an option. It's barbaric.

LoaraleiRoryEmily

Why weren't you allowed to see your baby in SCBU

Well...….they obviously should have told you that you'd had an abruption. It's ludicrous that you weren't informed.

Bearing that in mind, and given that you were on insulin, they may have felt that you weren't well enough obstetrically to go to see your baby. You'd had a big blood loss and were at risk of having a post-partum haemorrhage as well (abruption is a risk factor for PPH.) They would also have been monitoring your BMs.

But someone should have made it their business to explain this to you, not left you wondering why you weren't being taken to see your baby.

That was a lack of care on many levels.

@CrazyForPiggies

Miscarriage

Spotting in early pregnancy doesn't always mean that you're going to have a miscarriage.

I'm so sorry that you lost your first two babies. As you did, your midwife will arrange a scan for you this time, as you have spotting again.

Will you come back and tell us how it went? I know it's such an awful thing to go through. I had loads.

Do you think most midwives are overtly fond of "normal" birth? One of the midwives who came out to see me postnatally folllowing dc2's arrival by emergency section started out by commiserating me on my experience and made it very clear that to her, c-sections were pretty much the worst outcome. She obviously hadn't read my notes in which I had actually booked a planned section due to the events of dc1's arrival but had just gone into labour early and it didn't upset me. However had she come around following dc1's arrival and said that, especially with her tone I would have been devastated.

@Jemima232 Thanks for answering my question re dignity and privacy! However I just wondered what’s your own personal experience of it in practice? Eg do you find that during an assisted theatre vaginal birth that staff present but not needed specifically for the delivery stay away from the business end? Is it commonplace for ELCS during catheterisation for theatre staff to step back and give mum privacy?

One thing that sticks out in my mind is a viral ‘funny’ clip from OBEM where the dad-to-be faints during the pushing phase, the midwife buzzers in 2 members of staff to come and attend to him. It’s supposed to humourous and lighthearted but I couldn’t help feeling sorry for the woman who was laying there half-naked legs akimbo the midwife not bothering to quickly throw a sheet over her or anything whilst 2 male strangers walk into the room to deal with her partner. It made me wonder if using the phrase ‘you leave your dignity at the door’ can lead to women not being afforded really basic and easily-given dignity and privacy which can make a massive difference to their experience.

@Passthecherrycoke
Been reading this thread with interest and just wanted to say I had a discussion with the consultant midwife when planning a VBAC in the MLU (similar setup to your hospital). She was fine with it although this was against standard consultant policy.

I also had a crash CS under GA with my first DC, for similar reasons! My 2nd was a VBAC on delivery unit after all, but that was because my waters went at 35 weeks and I was kept in overnight for monitoring - which then turned into a 45 min labour, they only just got me off the antenatal ward into delivery!

Good luck, hope it all goes well whatever happens!

But the majority of shoulder dystocias happen to normal size babies, size is only one possible reason. By all means I would agree that after a good birth debrief and looking at history and notes a lscs might be the best option. But I think it's very dodgy to recommend it to someone on the internet you know nothing about. Most women who have a shoulder dystocia the first time will not have a shoulder dystocia the next time - if that were the case it would be an automatic recommendation for an el lscs and it isn't.

Firstly I've always been refused pain relief. Told many lies as to why, had a midwife winking over my head and laughing as she lied that an anesthetist was on his way (told about this afterwards) and also just been told outright 'no' and 'I would like you to have a lovely, natural birth so no, dear'- so thank you for being a good one.

My question is, is it possible that I needed intervention with forceps/ventouse or even a CS but these simply weren't available/free at the time?
With my third, I'd been in active labour for 3 hours (been having contractions and dilating for 5 days) but things 'felt different' to the others and I just couldn't get DS out. He was 10lb1, back to back and I'd had no pain relief. Towards the end, three midwives, a junior doctor and a doctor were at the end of the bed while my legs were in stirrups and I just couldn't seem to push him out. They were exchanging glances of what looked like horror and when I asked if anything was wrong, they just said I really needed to give it my all and be quick about it. One has her hand inside me and said it was so I could 'focus on pushing' but I felt so degraded. Obviously in the end he was born but everything I've read since about people in similar circumstances, they've ended up having a CS or been helped. Why was I different?
Thank you.

had a midwife winking over my head and laughing as she lied that an anesthetist was on his way

That is absolutely disgusting

@Jenima232 thanks a mil

I know flopsy my mum said afterwards that she didn't know whether to tell me or not but was seething at the midwife for tricking me like that and then thinking it was a laughing matter.

@jemima232

I saw a doctor yesterday who said I was fine and that i was just anxious because of previous miscarriages. She then told me that if at the 12 week scan there was no baby they would refer me for fertility treatment.

I told the midwife this today and she got pretty angry and got me booked in for a scan. So im having a scan on Sunday.

Hi a great job you do! I was induced due to my age it started labour really fast and my son was born within 20 minutes of my water breaking. His heart rates dropped to 50 bpm when I was delivering him was this dangerous as staff pulled emergency buzzed and u was told they needed to get him out fast.
He's now a very heathy 2 year old but I. Do wonder what would of happened if they never noticed

@NewMommaBaby

Problems seen on scan

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You asked if other women had experience of the same...…….if you haven't already done so, can I suggest that you start your own thread about this, as your question is unlikely to have been seen by anyone who can help you to find support.

I hope things are not too bad. Wishing you well and sending love.

FraterculaArctica thanks so much for your positive story! Fingers crossed

@JobbyMcGinty (great User Name btw)

Fetal heart rate dropping to 50

You must have had a shock while this was going on, but I can assure you that it's very, very unlikely that nobody would have noticed your baby's heart rate dropping to 50, and (obviously) they needed to press the emergency buzzer.

It's good to see that your DS is fit and well.

@CrazyForPiggies

I'm glad your midwife has booked a scan. That does seem to be the right thing to do in your circumstances.

Please update us.

@SagradaFamiliar

Wow

Pain relief refused and you felt degraded

*Your post made me so angry. I do not know why you were refused pain relief throughout your labour. I do not know why your midwife thought it was appropriate to pretend to you that an anaesthetist was on the way, and wink at your mum, over your head.

That takes Cheeky Fuckery to a new low, and I thought I'd seen it all.

Ugh.

Please complain. Do not allow this midwife not to know how you felt. Do not allow her managers not to know how she behaved. It is very unprofessional and extremely unkind, to say the least.

Regarding your delivery - I'm sure you did feel degraded.

It sounds like there was sudden fetal distress and you needed to get the baby out quickly. I wasn't there, so I don't know what happened, but I am so sorry that you felt so degraded by these HCPs.

It isn't on, is it?

I would hope that if forceps or a ventouse or a caesarean were necessary then they would have been performed. Again, I wasn't there. If I had been there, I would have asked you to go on all fours (probably - I'm speculating, without your notes, of course.)

You really need a debrief, no matter how long ago this happened.*

My community MWs were fab pre and post baby being born but the hospital care was just really blah and impersonal.

I was induced due to GD, expected lots of waiting around but didnt expect quite so little attention and dignity from the MWs.

• Booked in at 8am, pessary at 10am no one put me on any kind of food list so no lunch or dinner, had to get sarnies from the in house WH smith
• Next day, despite asking loads of times no one checked pessary or.monitoring till about 1pm
• Around 6pm i knew i needed to push, was on the ward stil, told the MW i needed to push and she told me i was wrong, baby had just moved and she would check after.doing her paperwork.i told my husband to get ready to catch and started pushing at which point she came over, saw that i was crowning and started shouting for people to help me get to a delivery room.
• While being stitched up after there was a constant stream of people wandering in and chatting with her about her weekend plans while i had my feet up.in stirrups
• After stitching i had a shower and was then given directions to the ward and sent on my way pushing the baby bassinette myself.again no food so all i had that day was a sandwi ch and some snacks from my bag
• All night while trying to figure out breastfeeding nurses would just fling open t he curtains around the bed then walk off leaving them open while male partners were hanging around. I flashed several strange men and it was bloody sore getting on and off the bed every time.to close the curtains
• T he next morning i asked when i could leave and was told whenever was fine. So i packed baby up, called a taxi and left. No sign out or discharge, didnt have to be buzzed out or anything.

The whole thing just felt kind of dehumanizing. Is that normal for a hospital delivery?

Jemima it's helpful enough to just hear those things from you. Thank you.

@Jemima232

I had a difficult pregnancy and labour. They found I had OC at around 29 weeks so I was induced at 37 weeks. My labour was very fast and I only needed my waters breaking (was nearly 4cms when I arrived at hospital and had no idea). 3 hours later my baby was born. One question to you would be, would I have likely gone in to labour naturally (sooner than later) being it was very quick for a first time?

I had a PPH and was rushed into theatre straight after, lost around 3.5litres. Also found to have sepsis. I know it was serious but I was very well cared for and so was my baby who was also very unwell. I did have a debrief but a few years later I am still on medication and receiving treatment for PTSD. I would love another baby but honestly I am terrified of dying (I am aware that sounds very dramatic) and the fear is more so now because I have a child I don't want to leave without me.

Would I be safe to have another? If I did would I have/be able to access any further support in pregnancy for my anxiety around birth?

@PerfectPeony2

Back-to-Back Labour

I had two labours myself with posterior positioned babies. I, too, was asking for pain relief before I got to 1cm dilatation.

Women who have experienced both will tell you that the posterior one was longer and more painful.

Women whose babies are posterior do have longer labours, and they are more likely to ask for epidurals and, indeed, any form of pain relief, early on in the proceedings.

Not all this pain is felt in the back, though. For some women, it is, and for others, it is felt in the back and the front.

The labour takes longer because the baby has some rotating to do before it can be delivered. Some babies do not rotate and are born facing upwards.

The shape of some women's pelvises make OP labour more likely. The doctor or midwife can assess the shape of your pelvis while you're in labour.

You asked about birthing pool/gas and air being realistic - yes, to start with. Both would probably help a woman to cope with labour, although very many women do ask for an epidural.

I asked for pethidine and gas and air and was given both, but I chose my midwife in advance! Some women (a good many on this thread, in fact) are told that it's "too early" for pain relief. I have discussed this elsewhere but I repeat, it is not good practice to deny a woman any kind of pain relief.

I'm sorry you experienced this. Please ask for a debrief and find out what your hospital's policy is about this. Women need to make their voices heard.