I’ve never shouted at my kids - AMA

[woolyyacht]

I have 4 children ranging from 21 to 10 that have never been shouted at by either parent or family members. Ask me anything?

@SneakyGremlins telepathy is an intrusion of the children’s brain waves. Therefore if you love your children you shouldn’t have to speak or think at them, they will do the right thing. After all you love them so no telling them off, thinking, speaking or shouting will do any good. They will somehow learn to survive 😂

BOO

InternationalSchool I hope it is The Mikado: From Ev'ry Kind of Man Obedience I Expect

My 21 year old is a well rounded young woman she owns her own flat which she paid for the renovations and no help from us with deposit. She went straight to an apprenticeship at 16 which had a starting with decent money for a 16 year old. She is on the spectrum - something we didn’t find out until late into high school.

My 19 year old is finishing up her first year at university studying human, social and political sciences at a top U.K. university.
My 2 boys are doing well at school and are independent as can be at 15 and 10.

We’ve never done punishments in our house. Phones have never been removed, there’s been no naughty step or anything of the sort.
OH and I both grew up in difficult households and have MH issues that have definitely stemmed from our upbringings.
We talk to very few family members due to this and the ones we do are very close with us and understand our need to parent the way we have. Both of our upbringings involved emotional and mental abuse along with some physical.

@woolyyacht well done to your children having successful lives and good on you for for being there for them

However maybe don’t try to post something condescending against any loving parent on here for daring to raise a voice (for any reason)

You sounded like you were above everyone else and not very likeable (putting nicely without swear words)

Well if you talk to very few family members irs hardly surprising there isn’t anyone to shout.....

You don’t give any kind of sanctions at all for bad behaviour? Hmm. I wonder if their teachers think your DC are as perfect as you do.....

woolyyacht I owe you an apology
Your last post comes across as very real, sensitive and caring and I’m sorry for having a good old laugh at your expense
I think you are very brave coming back at this time.
I agree, not all kids are a nightmare
If you are genuine (and let’s be honest we are online here!) I’d say well done

I've shouted at my kids but not much. They were generally very well behaved so it didn't happen often. My worry with families where absolutely no shouting or punishments ever take place is that 'pressure' is put onto the kids in other ways that are just as unpleasant to the kids. Guilt tripping, lengthy 'discussions' and parents being 'disappointed' in you can be just as bad as a two second 'oi, stop teasing your brother' type of thing.

I was raised by loving parents and I never got shouted at. Luckily for me I never had the other 'control' stuff go on either. It was a totally rule free environment. My parents were good fun and I had a happy childhood. I was truly quite feral though and while things have worked out well for me my three siblings are seriously fucked up. Also one of my brothers was an incredible bully to the rest of us. I really wished my parents had shouted at him. 😕I think some limits in childhood are ok.

I have shouted at my kids but only when it was needed. I wouldn't scream and go crazy but definitely would do the occasional. 'Stop teasing your brother right now' type of thing. I was very, very consistent on punishments and I'd avoid the emotional blackmail/coercion that so many parents seem to in for.

OP, I think the spacing of your kids might have made things easier not to shout. My 4 kids were very close in age so it was probably more tricky getting them to do whatever it was that was needed than when there is a bigger gap. My eldest was only just four when the forth one was born. It was a little crazy at times 😅

Wel done you. I have shouted at mine and I do love them dearly but it's hard work having 3 teenage girls I hate the eye rolling. Currently teaching 17 year old to drive sorry to say I have shouted a few times and even said the F word which I've never used b4 in my defence I honestly thought we were going to die in the car. I'm happy to say her driving has gotten better but I still do raise my voice occasionally........

How do you set the rules when it comes to using the phone or gaming?

I’m not sure why you’re telling us this, do you think it’s unusual?

I rarely if ever yell at my kids either unless it's a dinners ready or attracting their attention from a long way incoming car off sort of thing. There's no point. If they're not listening you just look like an idiot and stress yourself out. In those situations when they're off with the fairies you'll be repeating yourself whether you speak normally or shriek. Save your voice!

I can beat that-

I've never even spoken to my children. We communicate by head and hand signals. AMA

I congratulate myself if I go 24 hours with my children

So you've never shouted upstairs to tell your children dinner is ready?

Children are different. You'are pleased with the way your children have turned around or turning around and you think it's because of not shouting at them. However, other parents may think their children needed to be shouted at then they wouldn't become this or that or wouldn't do this or that. My parents didn't need to shout at me that much. I was scared of them so was trying not to anger them.

I sing all communications to my children.

@fenellaMaxwell