Did you consider adoption at all?
Of course we did. We considered every option available to us including not becoming parents at all and doing all the things you can do when you're not a parent. We looked into fostering too.
I can understand the feelings that people have eg. a desire to 'carry' a baby and actually, I didn't have those feelings when I was first diagnosed or during my 20's. I actually used to say I wouldn't have children or I would adopt.
However, as you get older you become more knowledgable of the subject of adoption and you also become more aware of your body and its capabilities (or in my case, its inability to do what it should bloody do!). I actually did get to the point, only when we'd committed to ED, that I wanted to "carry" a baby.
Adoption is (from what I have read and experiences of others in contact with those who have adopted or are adopted) bloody hard. There is no denying that adoption enables people to become parents, but it isn't the answer to all people becoming a parent.
I believe I would have been a very good parent to an adopted child however, I had doubts too, eg. my own selfishness of it being "too hard", knowledge of attachment, feelings of intrusion (the process and them interviewing your entire family), just to name but a few reasons, but the main reason for not adopting, was actually my DH, not me (he wanted his own biological child). However, I would have given it my all and would have been a 'mum' to that child if we had gone down that route. The difficulties that come with an adoptive child and DH's feelings, were the reasons for not adopting, not the 'carrying' of the child, IYSWIM.
Also do you think if it had been the other way around your partner would have accepted a child conceived by sperm donation?
Good question. He's not here so I can't answer for him at the minute but as above, I think I know the answer as we've discussed it. I believe he would have found it difficult; he would have felt he 'failed' as a man - the carrying of a baby is a woman's biology and the providing of a sperm is a mans. I dealt with my biological failure (I did feel a failure and still do) but for a man, that must be equally as difficult. When the carrying of the baby happens without the sperm of the man, the dynamics of the whole process changes. We have friends who had to consider this option and they chose not to for the same reasons as I've just given.
It is interesting and has many ethical facets to the situation.
Hope I've answered your questions 