My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AMA

I received egg donation, ask me anything

13 replies

EggDonationMiracle · 25/03/2019 20:03

Following a diagnosis of under developed ovaries and womb at age 17, I was told I'd never conceive naturally. The consultant said "you're normal, don't worry about it" Hmm and told me to carry on with my life and consider egg donation (ED) when I was ready.

Fast forward 11 years, I received a known egg donation and gave birth to a healthy baby girl on the first round of IVF.

I honestly never thought I would be a mother.

My 'baby' is not a baby any more and is in year 3 of primary school Grin

I know ED is a sensitive topic for many and hadn't seen a AMA thread about it so happy to answer questions.

Smile

OP posts:
Andcake · 25/03/2019 20:30

Congratulations...
Q- do you feel dp if he is biologically linked has a stronger bond ...or has the possible unbalance ever come up in discussions/rows?
You have one dd - was anything in the egg doner situation part of your one child situation...

I have one own egg dc but know de would be only chance of 2nd due to a medical issue meaning no chance of any more own egg dc

HoldMyGirl · 25/03/2019 20:37

Have you told, or do you plan on telling your dd?

Hoosey · 25/03/2019 20:40

Is your donor someone you know well? I know very little about egg donation but would be interested to know more.

EggDonationMiracle · 25/03/2019 20:54

Q- do you feel dp if he is biologically linked has a stronger bond ...or has the possible unbalance ever come up in discussions/rows?

The bond with dd is very strong for both DH and me. It was always my biggest fear whilst going through the process and then being pregnant that our child would prefer DH to me, or even my ED. As soon as she was born, that fear evaporated. We're so incredibly close I no long have that fear.

OP posts:
EggDonationMiracle · 25/03/2019 20:55

You have one dd - was anything in the egg doner situation part of your one child situation...

Absolutely. I can't have any more and actually don't want to. Happy with DD

OP posts:
EggDonationMiracle · 25/03/2019 20:57

Have you told, or do you plan on telling your dd?

DD knew from a very early age. You're encouraged to tell them when going through the process. We all had compulsory counselling. Me and DH together. Me on my own, the ED on her own and ED with her DH and then all of us together! Intense. The main theme throughout it all was being honest with the child. They can find out when they're 18 and we were all in agreement that s/he would know in an age appropriate way.

DD is very open about it now. She has a special name for the ED and they're close too.

OP posts:
EggDonationMiracle · 25/03/2019 21:03

Is your donor someone you know well? I know very little about egg donation but would be interested to know more

Yes, she is a blood relative.

I actually had many offers of ED from various friends. My infertility was known due to the unusual nature of it (being so young when diagnosed too, my family all knew).

When DH and I decided to start the process (I was initially very reluctant and had written children off in my life) I knew that there was only one person who I'd want as ED. However, I received 3 genuine offers from family and friends. However, I'm not sure if they knew what the ED went through that they would actually do it. It was very tough for her. She basically went through the IVF process for me (eg. suppressing the hormones, harvesting eggs) all via injections for 5-6 weeks (whilst working and bringing up her own family). To be crude, I only had to stick a progesterone pellet up my bum for 11 weeks, take a tablet and stick a hormone patch on my arse.... not exactly difficult in comparison

My ED was a angel and I'll always be grateful.

There's lots to tell really. What do you want to know?

OP posts:
homethenababy · 30/03/2019 00:06

Is your daughter anything like you? My friend had a baby with egg donation and they have the same personality. I know that's probably an odd question but I thought I would ask if you aren't too offended. Feel free to ignore me.

crazyfools · 30/03/2019 06:40

Did you consider adoption at all?
I find it hard to come to terms with ED at times as it feels like women see experiencing pregnancy as the holy grail and they want the attention that society lavishes on pregnant women. Would you not have considered yourself a mother if you had adopted?

Also do you think if it had been the other way around your partner would have accepted a child conceived by sperm donation?

EggDonationMiracle · 30/03/2019 09:27

Is your daughter anything like you?

She is exactly like me including the attitude!
It was one of my concerns that she may not be like me but it is surprising how much is 'nurture' rather than 'nature'. Her personality is very much DH and me. She tackles things like DH and is sensitive like me.

Any you haven't offended me at all. It was one of those "things" I worried about pre the decision to go with ED eg. what if she is nothing like me. I shouldn't have wasted energy worrying about it Smile

OP posts:
EggDonationMiracle · 30/03/2019 09:42

Did you consider adoption at all?

Of course we did. We considered every option available to us including not becoming parents at all and doing all the things you can do when you're not a parent. We looked into fostering too.

I can understand the feelings that people have eg. a desire to 'carry' a baby and actually, I didn't have those feelings when I was first diagnosed or during my 20's. I actually used to say I wouldn't have children or I would adopt.

However, as you get older you become more knowledgable of the subject of adoption and you also become more aware of your body and its capabilities (or in my case, its inability to do what it should bloody do!). I actually did get to the point, only when we'd committed to ED, that I wanted to "carry" a baby.

Adoption is (from what I have read and experiences of others in contact with those who have adopted or are adopted) bloody hard. There is no denying that adoption enables people to become parents, but it isn't the answer to all people becoming a parent.

I believe I would have been a very good parent to an adopted child however, I had doubts too, eg. my own selfishness of it being "too hard", knowledge of attachment, feelings of intrusion (the process and them interviewing your entire family), just to name but a few reasons, but the main reason for not adopting, was actually my DH, not me (he wanted his own biological child). However, I would have given it my all and would have been a 'mum' to that child if we had gone down that route. The difficulties that come with an adoptive child and DH's feelings, were the reasons for not adopting, not the 'carrying' of the child, IYSWIM.

Also do you think if it had been the other way around your partner would have accepted a child conceived by sperm donation?

Good question. He's not here so I can't answer for him at the minute but as above, I think I know the answer as we've discussed it. I believe he would have found it difficult; he would have felt he 'failed' as a man - the carrying of a baby is a woman's biology and the providing of a sperm is a mans. I dealt with my biological failure (I did feel a failure and still do) but for a man, that must be equally as difficult. When the carrying of the baby happens without the sperm of the man, the dynamics of the whole process changes. We have friends who had to consider this option and they chose not to for the same reasons as I've just given.

It is interesting and has many ethical facets to the situation.

Hope I've answered your questions Smile

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 24/04/2019 23:48

EggDonationMiracle congratulations. How fabulous.

We have a birth dd, and then were told we could not get pregnant naturally. We have three rounds of IVF with donor eggs, two fresh and one frozen cycle. All failed. We adopted our little boy 5 years ago and all the failed treatment is a distant memory.

One of the few things I do remember is my amazing gratitude to the women who donated the eggs that became my treasured 'embies'.

Parenthood is an amazing journey. However, you get there, it's amazing.

Thanks

flitwit99 · 30/04/2019 19:30

A very good friend was looking for an egg donor. I couldn't do it for her. I just couldn't think how I would feel if she gave birth to a child who looked like me. Or looked like me and her husband. For example I have really curly hair and she doesn't. So what if she had a little girl with really curly hair? Or if her baby really looked like one of my children? I was so worried I would look at her child and not be able to see past the fact that it was biologically mine.
We were able to talk about it a lot and we are still good friends now thank goodness. I still really wish I could have done it for her. I regret not doing it. But the risk of how I would have felt seeing her baby was just too much

Did your donor have worries like that? Does your child look like her?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.