I have spent ten years of my life in psychiatric hospitals/secure units. AMA

[Fermatslittletheorem]

I'm bored, should be revising for exams.

So go ahead, ask me anything!

How are you feeling now?

@phatamy I am doing really well now, thank you for asking. I had a recent admission (December-January) but am back at uni and am well and happy (apart from medication side effects!). I am certainly so much better than when I was in long term. I am like a whole different person. I have a life now.

What's the scariest thing you've witnessed as an inpatient?

Can I ask what mental health condition you take meds for, please?

@killpop I haven't really seen anything that scary - a lot of hospitals you can stay in your room when you want to, and I tend to keep myself to myself. In the secure units I have been in, we generally weren't allowed in our rooms but it was hard for anyone to do anything really scary because the environment was so restricted. One girl did manage to climb the fence and jump off in an attempt to kill herself. She broke her back but survived, but we didn't know this when it happened. We were all moved to a different area of the ward while the ambulance came. We had no idea if she was going to live or not. She was a very close friend as well.

To be honest though, what was going on inside my head was more scary than anything anyone else did. Sorry that's a disappointing answer!

Following as I'm really interested. Thanks for starting this thread.

I'm a police officer so have seen lots of distressing MH situations and sadly had to section many people.

I have a lot of sympathy for anyone with MH issues and having done a psychology degree like to think I'm somewhat better trained than most of my colleagues who for the most part are well meaning but woefully under trained in this area considering how frequently we deal with MH issues (I'd guess the vast majority of our work touches on MH in some guise).

I suppose I have a question - if you have ever been violent towards those supposedly helping you, do you realise it at the time? Is it more like a panicky attack to protect yourself? Do you know those people are trying to help?
After its all over do you remember/are you told what you did? Do you feel bad? We get a lot of attacks reported to us from our local MH hospitals and it always wonder how culpable people really are in this situation?

I'm glad you're doing better now

@StripeyChina I am on medication for schizophrenia. I have an antipsychotic depot injection every month.

How do you connect people (family and friends) now you are no longer in that environment? Do you feel that you will be able to reconnect with those people or has too much changed in your/their lives to be able to do that?

So glad to hear your doing better!

@DontBuyANewMumCashmere Thank you for caring about people with mental health conditions. I have not had lots of dealings with the police, but when I have they have been lovely - really reassuring and patient and kind. I am so grateful for police officers like you who take the time and trouble to help. Do you read the mentalhealthcop blog? That is really interesting.

I have never been particularly violent. Once I lost my temper and my arms flew up but I didn't touch the nurse. I felt awful about that as I don't normally have a temper. I was just really frustrated, but that is no excuse. On another occasion I thought a nurse was trying to kill me and chased her away and probably tried to attack her as I was restrained, secluded, and injected. I was so scared and desperate and wasn't thinking straight (I was off medication at the time). I have a vague memory of that, but sometimes I have done stuff that I can't remember. And yes, I feel awful and ashamed afterwards as I am quite gentle normally.

I am not sure how accountable people are for attacking others - it depends on the circumstances and their diagnosis etc. Often people in hospital attack staff due to frustration. Often you are completely powerless and when you are feeling rubbish, being told "no" is the last straw.

I must just add that I have been abused by staff in hospital - a little bit physically but mainly emotionally (bullied and ridiculed by nurses). I have never reported this.

I must just add that I have been abused by staff in hospital - a little bit physically but mainly emotionally (bullied and ridiculed by nurses). I have never reported this.

Why not, OP? After you left, if not at the time? Is there a mechanism for this kind of complaint?

@NoNewsisGood my family are amazing and have stood by me the whole time. I didn't really have a relationship with my middle sister as I was in hospital for her whole teenage years, and then lived away. However she is now living very close to me and I see her every day and it is lovely to get to know her. I feel sad that I missed the relationship I could have had with her. But then if I had been at uni/doing a job etc., I wouldn't have seen her much anyway.

Even when I lived away (four years in a secure unit the other side of the country) and only saw my family once or twice a year, I spoke to them on the phone most days. I am lucky.

My brother doesn't really talk to me as I think it was hardest on him. I think he feels angry with me for all the worry I caused my mum in particular. That is hard as we were very close as children. I don't think we will ever really have a relationship as like you say, too much time has gone by now and we have very separate lives. It is quite sad as I would like to know him better.

What led to your first inpatient stay? How long were you in?

Have you lost friends or family because of your mental health struggles?

Do you feel the treatment as an inpatient is enough? Or do you feel the focus is on getting you 'well enough' to discharge? What could they do differently?

Sorry that's a lot of questions, Don't feel you have to respond, I know it can be overwhelming.

Did you feel safe in the secure units?

Glad to hear you are doing better.

Someone on the radio was discussing recently how we are better talking about mental health now, but only really things like depression/anxiety and we don’t talk about schizophrenia or psychosis etc. Do you feel anything has changed - public perception or stigma etc?

@phatamy Aw thank you!

@BeGoodTanya To be honest the worst of this happened when I was a young and vulnerable 19 year old in a PICU (psychiatric intensive care unit). I just accepted it as I guess deep down I thought that I deserved it. After all, I was a bad person and causing trouble trying to hurt myself etc. I didn't realise until a couple of years ago (so 15 years later) that it wasn't right. By then it is too late to make a complaint. I do know of others who have been badly treated who do make complaints, but they don't seem to get very far. Plus you see these nurses again when you go back into hospital, so it is often best not to make a fuss. I do now think it is wrong to call someone names and make fun of them, but I know I was quite difficult to deal with, so maybe it's understandable. I don't know. Also, I am not one to complain about anyone or anything, I am a bit of a people pleaser and hate to have people upset and angry with me. Plus it was not one nurse; on the PICU I was talking about, it was all of them used to sit round and laugh at me and call me things like "pathetic baby" and "the most selfish person I've ever met". They would all gang up on me and it felt like bullying to be honest.

thanks, Fermats
Hope you don't mind me asking but I have a very good friend who has just been sectioned and I am hoping to understand more.
I am glad things are going well for you right now :)

DontbuyMum - it's really nice to read your thoughtful post.
My friend has been arrested a number of times and is usually terrified and can't remember much I believe?

@killpop My first inpatient stay was when I was 15 and was a result of a suicide attempt. I was also self-harming which was the main reason I was admitted; the suicide attempt was more of a catalyst. I was only in for two months.

I have lost lots of friends and one family member because of my illness. My brother can't cope with it and stopped talking to me 16 years ago. I don't have any friends really now, although people at church are lovely and kind and friendly, but I feel like they are just nice to me because they feel they should be out of Christian duty.

As for whether the treatment is enough, it depends on the type of treatment. Generally no, in an acute ward you are just contained and medicated until you are less of a risk and can be discharged. That is not the fault of the nurses or doctors by the way. They generally do a great job. But there is very little by way of therapy as an inpatient. There is OT (occupational therapy) but I never really got on with that. But there is a lot of free time and boredom makes you worse. Hospital is a last resort and for crisis management and they put the emphasis on treatment in the community, which is better I think. It is hard being in hospital though, and not receiving treatment. But there is not much they could do about that as hospital is short term so not enough time to start therapy.

When I was in secure I had a lot of therapy as it was a long term placement. That was better.

On my most recent admissions (four in the last twelve months) I have been medicated until I am stable, and then discharged. However I have felt that they kept me in too long - I was well and ready to go but they were really cautious and wanted me to be stable for longer.

I am not sure what else they could do to improve inpatient. Maybe improve community treatments so that people don't end up in hospital. There are very long waiting lists for therapy for example. Also crisis teams are notoriously bad!

How are you getting on with having the depot? How long have you been on it? A relative has recently started it due to med refusal with tablets and wondering how you are finding being on it

Are there any things you do that help you manage symptoms?

@SisterMichael I often felt quite unsafe in secure as it was a very unsettled environment. The one I spent longest in (four years) was particularly unsettled and there was a lot of aggression. Also we were forced to be in a small room together all day (no bedroom access during the day) so people used to argue a lot. It was a horrible environment and I felt very anxious and wanted to get away. However nearly all of the violence was towards staff, not other patients.

One secure unit I went in to aged 19 had a lot of men on home office sections which was quite scary. It was funny as when we were allowed off the ward, it wasn't called "leave" like it normally is, it was called "parole" so I felt like a criminal. But yes, generally I felt safe as there are staff there.

I also have read about how only some mental illnesses are discussed and not others. I haven't experienced much stigma but I don't really meet people. When I was acting strangely at uni, my lecturers and the other students were very concerned and they got in touch with student support who contacted me and my CPN. No one has treated me badly, but I don't know if they are all laughing at me behind my back.

I feel embarrassed at the way I'm told I was acting, plus I must also have smelt really bad from not washing, wearing the same clothes I'd slept in, and from the infected burns on my arms. That isn't socially acceptable (understandably) in the same way that feeling low or anxious is now much more widely understood and accepted.

Generally though, I haven't experienced much stigma, only support. I know I have been lucky.

@StripeyChina Sorry about your friend. Hope s/he gets well soon and can get home.

@FlowerTink I am also on a depot due to non compliance with meds. I hate it but the one I am on has very few side effects, and now I have discovered another medication that helps with the side effects, so I feel better. The worst is the weight gain. That is what makes a lot of people stop taking meds. That and the sedation. It is hard when I am trying to do a degree.

I started the depot in 2016 but have come off it a couple of times. I won my tribunal last August so came off it (said I'd take orals, didn't take them) and was restarted in December.

I am on paliperidone which is pretty good. I would rather be on nothing but this is best of a bad lot. I have tried I think 9 antipsychotics and this is the best I've had probably. Clozaril was the best drug but worst for side effects.

My symptoms are mostly managed by medication, but it is also important to get enough sleep etc. What has helped me a lot is having something to do everyday (uni work). Uni gives me a purpose, and a focus, and something to think about and distract me. Obviously when I am psychotic I can't do uni work (can't even add two numbers together and I am doing a maths degree), but it keeps me well so long as I am medicated. Does your relative work or do anything? Uni has been the best thing I ever did. It keeps me out of hospital and gives me self-worth and distraction.

Thanks for answering. That sounds absolutely horrific from the nurses btw. Totally unacceptable.

I am glad you have something to focus on now, good luck with your degree

That's really shocking behaviour from the staff.

Can I ask you when you first started to have symptoms of poor mental health? I've heard schizophrenia often starts in late teens/early twenties. Was that the case for you? I know you said you were self-harming before then - how long did it take you to get diagnosed?

Best of luck with your degree - you sound amazing.

@HollowTalk Thank you, that is kind of you to say so!

I first became unwell when I was 14 but didn't get diagnosed (to my knowledge) until I was 19. I think they were hoping it was a phase. I mostly had negative symptoms as a young teenager, with the occasional positive symptom but I was functioning fairly well (relatively speaking!). Positive symptoms are things like hallucinations and delusions, whereas negative symptoms like lack of self-care etc., often start at a younger age. So I wasn't overtly psychotic until I was older. I think it is similar for a lot of people with schizophrenia - the obvious psychotic symptoms start a lot later and so first they may be diagnosed with depression or anxiety or a personality disorder or something.