I have spent ten years of my life in psychiatric hospitals/secure units. AMA

[Fermatslittletheorem]

I'm bored, should be revising for exams.

So go ahead, ask me anything!

Thanks for your answers. I'm so pleased (iykwim) you have had good experiences with the police - most of us want to help but have no idea what we're doing and some (esp the less experienced ones) go in like a bull in a China shop often because of their own fears.

Why do you regularly come off your meds? Do you feel better and think you don't need them?
I'm sorry for what you've been through and hope you continue to be happy and well.

@DontBuyANewMumCashmere I hate the side effects. Plus I become convinced that I don't need them - I guess yes, because I feel better, so I convince myself that it wasn't that bad and that I was just being a drama queen and that if I stop taking them again I will do better. That I will just get on with it and not make a fuss. I have been told many times that I am making it up for attention so I have started to believe that. I know I was terrified when I was ill but think that it can't have been that bad and that I was just putting it on or whatever. So I don't need medication.

I'm back on a CTO (community treatment order) now and don't think I will be coming off it anytime soon, so I will be on my meds for the foreseeable!

Also I remember only the good parts of being off meds. Like last year when I was studying for 18 hours a day and loving it! Now I am tired and hungry all the time and struggle with motivation. I forget how I was terrified Satan was going to impregnate me. Well, I obviously remember the fact, but not how it felt.

This is very interesting as my mum has schizophrenia, and her mum had schizophrenia and my grandmas dad also had schizophrenia, so as you can see, it heavily runs in my family.

When you say that you are told about the way you've acted and look back on it shamefully, is that because you are unaware when you are having psychotic episodes?

I can see when my mum is having an episode, it's very obvious, however it's very rare now, as it's very well controlled and she hasn't been in a unit for a very long time. But I always wondered if she knew what she was doing/saying, because to me she looks like a completely different person when it's happening. She has never really recalled things she said or did, but she can recall hallucinations/delusions, are you the same?

I feel like I am waiting for the day that it happens to me next, I'm 30 now, my mum's started when she was 27, and her mum's didn't start until she was in her 40's.

I do have anxiety though, and get paranoid very easily, I recognise this trait in my mum, she has paranoid schizophrenia.

@FloofenHoofen that must be so scary. I hope that you don't get it, but hopefully you and others are keeping an eye on your mental health to deal with it early if you do develop psychotic symptoms. I'm pleased your mum is well managed now too.

Yes I am unaware when I am psychotic. People will tell me that I am, and that I am delusional/hallucinating, but it is all so real. I know I am terrified, but the things I am scared about are all so real. I get frustrated and think that everyone else has been fooled/tricked and so they can't see the truth. I don't blame them, but I do get really frustrated that no one believes me that it is really happening and that they want to lock me up and drug me and stop me from protecting myself and others.

Yes, I can recall what I believed, and have read it in reports etc., but can't remember how scared I am. It is all blurry so I remember snapshots of things happening, but not lots of detail. I am sometimes told things that I have said or done and it is a surprise. It is a kind of dissociation I suppose.

Do you have a DP or GP or someone who can tell you early on if things are going downhill and you are developing psychotic symptoms? The earlier they are able to intervene the better the prognosis.

Fermatslittletheorem thank you for sharing that. It's exactly how I imagined it would be. Except I did think you would be more aware of how scary it was after. I honestly cannot imagine what it's like, however, I do get some symptoms, which ONLY ever happens when I'm coming out of sleep, I sometimes hear voices or sounds. And I've only had a bit of a visual thing happen once, both times I realised it wasn't real, and I was able to go back to sleep and it went away. I've been told this is actually an issue to do with rem sleep and lucid dreaming but I can't help feel that it's potentially connected.

I have never raised this issue with my GP, but I think I will now, thank you.

Fermatslittletheorem thank you for doing this AMA, it's really interesting. Do you switch into a psychotic episode or is there a sort of slower transition into it? And if the latter are you aware that it's starting?

I'm also intetested to hear how the medication works. Do you think it just slows ALL your thoughts? Quite amazing that meds can have such an impact really.

(My last sentence isn't meant to sound sarcastic btw, I was being genuine!)

@FloofenHoofen Yes, please do talk to people about your fears for your future. You need as many trusted people as possible watching out for symptoms (preferably people who won't overreact and medicalise normal experiences). As I say, the sooner you get treatment the better the prognosis.

What you have experienced sounds like hypnagogic hallucinations, which are apparently completely normal.

I am not sure why I can't remember how scared I get. Maybe it is because my beliefs seem so silly now that I can't imagine how I could believe them and get so terrified. Even though I know the things I did to protect myself/others, which you would have to be really scared to be able to do, I just can't conjure up those feelings. I see myself like a case study almost. As if I am a doctor talking about a patient I had once. I can't connect with those feelings or the fact that it was actually me!

Hypnagogic hallucinations, that's the word I was looking for :) that's what I was told it was.

I completely understand. Perhaps it's your bodies way of protecting you by disconnecting with what's happening at that point in time.
I spent a lot of time on my biology degree just studying schizophrenia, I really wanted to understand why it is triggered. And I learnt that it is mostly hereditary which doesn't actually present itself until something triggers it, eg drugs, alcohol, traumatic event etc.

How did yours come about, if you can remember? Do you have others in the family who have been diagnosed schizophrenic too?

My DH knows my families history so I know he would be the first to notice anything unusual, but I will make sure to raise this with my GP now.

@OutwithMyRemit I guess it is a transition although with me it happens very quickly. I don't wake up one day believing all this strange stuff, it sneaks up on me. But my delusions are based on things that other people believe are real (the devil) so I am not aware that I am slipping. I think I become more obsessed and then the thoughts become delusional and the hallucinations of him touching me/raping me start up. By that time I am overtly psychotic.

Yes, the medication slows all my thoughts. Part of that could be tiredness from the sedation though. It does have a huge impact. It makes me restless and tired and slow and makes me want to eat loads of carbs. Nightmare. I am told that people on antipsychotic meds have a 15 year less life expectancy than people not on meds. That could be due to many other factors though. I do take another drug called procyclidine that helps with the side effects. I wish I didn't have to be on meds at all though!

What do you think can help with the crisis in mental health which sometimes unfortunately has an over spill to incidents that occur?

@FloofenHoofen Yes, definitely a good idea to talk to your GP. It must be so scary for you . I'm so glad you have a DH to look out for you.

I am not sure how I became unwell, I was ill since age 14 and nothing really happened before that. I never took any drugs or had a traumatic life event. I've only just tried alcohol but didn't like it. So I'm afraid I have no idea what triggered it. I just seemed to get to my teenage years and things started going wrong. But as I say, it was mostly negative symptoms to start with and the positive symptoms got worse as I reached my twenties.

No, no one in my family has been diagnosed. I have no idea where it came from. All my family are quite NT. One grandparent does see things but she has dementia.

That's very interesting Fermatslittletheorem so strange that it appeared out of nowhere too. Something does make me think yours has more to do with it being hormone related rather than an actual trigger.

It's an excess of dopamine that causes schizophrenia, which is the happy chemical. We obviously go through a lot of hormonal changes in our teens so I suspect this is the case.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, it must be truly horrible to be in and out and not have a stable mind set. I hope you get your perfect treatment in the end and that you're on the road to recovery soon

@fikel Oh gosh, difficult question! I guess better community treatments, like access to therapy/counselling. I know they have IAPT which is presumably helping, although I don't know much about it.

I also think social media addiction is making things worse, particularly for teens and young people. Also mental illness is glamourised and so seen as attractive. I don't know how you could fight the tide on these things though. But if kids and teenagers had less screen time and more time interacting in real life with their family and friends, I think that would be great for their mental health.

Sorry that's not a very comprehensive answer. I know I would have got better a lot quicker had I had better treatment at a younger age. But I understand that they couldn't know then that I wasn't just going to grow out of it, and you can't give everyone intensive treatment and strong medication just in case they might need it. It's really hard to know.

@FloofenHoofen Yes strange - I had a great childhood and everything.

I am doing really well now, thank you. Best I've ever been!

Have you got any advice for a psychiatrist just starting out on their training? Something you wish your team had been taught?

Hi I'm 6 weeks and 3 days pregnant first have had blood spotting and I have twinges down my right side where my tubes are, just worried about the pain had it since I got up this morning.

That's fantastic to hear :) distraction is the best cure!

@Emelene I have had some lovely psychiatrists. I guess the only thing is that they treat you as a whole person, not just as a disorder. That they are real and genuine with you and treat you with respect (which nearly all of them do). That you know yourself best, although you may be pretending things aren't as bad as they are out of fear of consequences. It is really frustrating trying to tell people things and they just aren't listening. But then I understand that doctors have to be cautious and protective a lot of the time. Basically though, it's things you can't teach, like being understanding and patient, and how frustrating it can be in hospital, particularly when staff promise to do things and then don't do them. You feel so powerless when other people are in charge of you, so as a psychiatrist it is good to give people as much freedom of choice as possible, and really listen to what people are saying verbally and non-verbally.

@Mizmint I would definitely get checked out. I hope you and your baby are okay

OP, my son's big dream in life is eventually to design a medicine that would heal teenage schizophrenia (a close friend of his has it and it has really affected DS, seeing how much the illness and its treatment interrupted his friend's life).

What would you want most from a medicine? What would you want it to do and/or not do? What side effects are most and least tolerable on the current available drugs?

Are you studying maths OP? ( judging by your username )

Do you think anything could have been done differently when you were a teenager to identify/ treat your illness earlier?

Have you ever been treated in a community crisis service eg home treatment team, crisis team, crisis house, and what has your experience been? Do you think they can be more therapeutic than an admission if done well?

Do you see yourself one day having a family?