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I put my childhood abuser in jail - AMA

33 replies

PartTimePoster · 22/02/2019 14:20

Ask whatever you wanna know and I will respond as much and as honestly as I can

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TheQueef · 22/02/2019 14:23

Did it help you move on from the abuse?

NashvilleQueen · 22/02/2019 14:27

Firstly well done on being brave enough to go through a very difficult process and I am sorry for what you went through as a child.

Do you feel that the police, cps and courts support victims in your situation effectively?

PartTimePoster · 22/02/2019 14:28

It definitely had a huge impact, it certainly helped hearing his guilt being confirmed by a judge and a courtroom jury, it almost confirms my innocence as much as his guilt, which helped form a huge shift for me - It doesn't cure all problems.. depression is still around the corner along with many other mental health problems, but it took away his power I felt he had over my world and made a major change in my outlook on the world and life in general

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DowntonCrabby · 22/02/2019 14:28

Brave of you to post OP Flowers

Do you feel you’ve had a sense of closure/ are you more at peace now he(presumably) is in jail?

How long is the sentence and do you feel it’s fair?

Would you do the same again? As in report/go through trial knowing the process as I’m sure it was awful.

If he’s a family member or family friend how are/did the wider family take it?

I hope you have ongoing support and have been able to access any counselling you feel you need.

PartTimePoster · 22/02/2019 14:29

In my situation the cps, police and court process went as well as it could have been, it helps getting the best result verdict and prison sentence wise, I know I'm lucky to have that experience

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PartTimePoster · 22/02/2019 14:31

He received unanimous guilty on all 7 charges against him, and received 15 years in prison, although he will be out in 7/8 of those as is the prison system

It was without doubt one of the most stressful times, but definitely worth it, knowing justice has been done for me and potential others

He was a huge part of our family, a close family friend and it shocked everyone and has had a huge impact, I know others struggle still with the reality of who he was, but I know it's lead to me under less pressure/depression having it all out in the open

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Haffdonga · 22/02/2019 14:38

I'm so pleased you won. You sound very brave. It must have been difficult to prove historic abuse. Did you have evidence from the time it happened (e.g. witnesses, injuries, other vicitms?) or was it your word against his?

PartTimePoster · 22/02/2019 14:40

I gave an extensive statement, around and hour and a half recorded discussion with police, it was thorough and detailed, sadly these memories are very clear still!

They also found incriminating evidence on his computer, and it turns he had previous arrests for similar activity which me and my family were unaware of, so it was a strong case against him in the end

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LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 22/02/2019 14:42

Good for you OP. How long after the abuse did he get convicted? Were your family supportive when you told them?

PartTimePoster · 22/02/2019 14:44

Thank you - the abuse finished by my mid teens, I went to the police at 25 in 2015, case came to an end in 2017

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PartTimePoster · 22/02/2019 14:45

My family, mainly parents, were very upset and at times were supportive, at times frustrating and hurtful, not intentionally though, but just through shock and emotion things get miscommunicated, regular therapy was most definitely the most help through it all

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LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 22/02/2019 14:47
Chocolatecoin · 22/02/2019 14:48

What were those two years like, when he knew he was accused but before he went to court?

PartTimePoster · 22/02/2019 14:50

Waiting for the case to start was very stressful, he pretty much admitted it to family and was very indifferent about it, I think assuming I wouldn't take it to the police, once they were involved he pleaded not guilty and did all he could to get away with it, I had huge anxiety he would be believed over me and walk away free, it was a long painful wait, but i'm grateful to have the result I got in the end

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Lardlizard · 22/02/2019 14:51

Do he pled guilty or not guilty

Lardlizard · 22/02/2019 14:52

Did he

PartTimePoster · 22/02/2019 14:56

He pleaded not guilty

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Lardlizard · 22/02/2019 15:29

I’m glad you get the result you did

Chocolatecoin · 22/02/2019 15:31

Were you told not to speak about by the police? Did you find that really difficult, as people would realise that something was going on with you but you couldn't say what? Thank you for posting this and answering these questions by the way. You won't know how much you will be helping people.

Gingerkittykat · 22/02/2019 15:33

What would your advice be to other girls or women thinking about going through the same process?


PartTimePoster · 22/02/2019 15:36

Once I went to the police the only people who knew were family and select friends, it wasn't really something I wanted to shout about - Once the case started me and my family werent allowed to talk about it until we'd all been up as witnesses, it was a stressful week, waiting to hear progress from the police was a tough time, it was a long wait and anxiety was high especially in the final weeks before the case began, especially with him pleading innocence and having high profile legal team (he had a lot of money/power) I hope posting this gives some confidence to believe in getting justice for themselves, it's the abuser who should live with the guilt - Not their victims

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PartTimePoster · 22/02/2019 15:38

I'm actually a male posting this!

But to anyone who could be in my position, male or female.. is to keep your belief that justice is due to you, you can get a feeling of power back in yourself, and have it confirmed that this was not your fault, the abuser is the guilty one who deserves the punishment, and you're not sentenced to a life of guilt because of the abuse you suffered

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RedTartanLass · 22/02/2019 19:34

How incredibly brave, I hope you find peace eventually. Thanks

ILoveMyCaravan · 22/02/2019 22:47

Would you mind sharing what mental health problems you have had to deal with and if it's improved since the trial? I reported my childhood abusers to the police but unfortunately it didn't go to trial. I am left with PTSD, severe anxiety and depression and wondering if it will ever get better.

PartTimePoster · 22/02/2019 23:01

I was diagnosed with long term ptsd and depression and anxiety, the therapy really helped - my depression now returns in bouts of lowness rather then me being in a constant cloud of misery like I’d spent previous years, but things have definitely got better, there are still hurdles for me to climb but I’m certainly far more positive about myself which has helped a lot

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