I live in Japan - Ask Me Anything

[tanitani]

Moved here two years ago to improve my language ability and be a church volunteer. (They provided my visa)
I teach English as my main job.

Thought it would be just 2 years but ten months in met my future husband and now planning to stay forever.

Not sure if any of this is interesting for people but if you have any questions go ahead!

(Also planning a wedding in another culture - fun and definitely interesting.)

@Italiangreyhound
See also this article written by a friend of mine
www.bbc.com/storyworks/capital/japan-beyond-expectations/japan-delivers-more-than-you-ever-imagined

Hello! Still around - didn’t get a notification of new posts, sorry for delay.

@SurgeHopper

Christmas is more of a couples holiday here. Christmas Eve everyone orders KFC, you really have to book and everything it’s crazy.
But it’s not a family thing at all and wherea there might be some Christmas parties, the day is a normal day and it’s the one time of the year I feel sad and homesick.
I feel general society is more polite than British society - there are negatives to this but there’s more of a collective thought culture here so people tend to not do things that would inconvenience others.
So daily life, everything is kept in order and it’s very important to be polite.
I’m simplifying a lot of things however.

@TeacupDrama
Yes he is Christian but his family aren’t. Shinto is the main religion but you don’t find many people who are actively religious - it tends to be more festivals/special days. (Kind of non Christians who still like to go to church at Christmas)
There’s no discrimination that I’ve experienced - most people just nod and smile or see it as a foreigner thing.

About the emperor abdicating I have no idea, in daily life it’s not something people really talk about. There is going to be a really long 10 day holiday as a result of the change but that’s more what people are focusing on, lol.
My friends don’t mention it, it doesn’t come up in conversation really.

I've spent a few Christmas times away from the UK and I always feel homesick. I lived and worked in Asia. It's hard to feel Christmassy when it's over 30 degrees!

Hello: I’ve been lucky enough to visit Tokyo twice, many years ago, with my husband. He was working so I got out and about a lot on my own: proudest day was getting to/from the temple at Nikko unaided on public transport without a word of Japanese. Those indicator boards at the central station, WOW 😁 of course they may be bilingual now, they weren’t then! I only managed to change onto the correct line half way along because the platform guard in his hat and white gloves spotted me, presumably worked out where I was heading, guided me off that train in a rural station and onto another. Goodness knows where I would have ended up without him! We were there during cherry blossom for our second visit and I think it’s the happiest trip we ever had. We fell in love with the country, people, culture, the incredible service everywhere and oh, the food! Those yakitori bars. Drool. We still regularly kick ourselves that we turned down the chance of a 2 year secondment when our daughter was little, it all seemed a bit daunting at the time. Fools!
Anyway, I digress. Our son’s best friend from school sadly returned with his family to Tokyo some time ago. My husband and son had been planning to visit for the World Cup but chronic illness means my husband’s not up to the journey any more, he wouldn’t get insurance. There is the suggestion that our son, nearly 17 in November, should travel out alone and stay with the family. The men think of course, no worries. I’m completely undecided (though erring towards no atm). He would obviously be with the family, who are in suburbs about 45 mins from the city, for most of the time but I’m so much in two minds. I remember Tokyo feeling like a very safe city, never felt safer anywhere, but that was back in the late 80s/early 90s. It may have changed of course.
My question is, as a resident do you consider Tokyo a safe city for young people? (In comparison to UK cities). I’m sure they’ll manage to wangle a couple of unaccompanied trips out and I’m really unsure. I’d be nervous of London, Manchester etc. too (daft really, I was travelling alone from Kent suburbs to an aunt in Putney most weekends in the 70s aged 11 but times have changed).
Thank you!

@JRMisOdious

I actually live in a slightly smaller city but honestly - as a lone woman at night I feel so safe anywhere in Japan. It really is safe and I’ve never had any trouble.
Late at night I’d advise staying away from the roppongi area - it’s actuslly where many foreigners go to bars and clubs etc and late at night it can get a bit rowdy I’ve heard, but still miiiiiles away from rowdy uk behaviour!

I can totally understand why you’d say no, but if he’s going to be with a family you trust I’d honestly say go for it. He’d have a fantastic time and as long as he plans appropriately and knows about last trains and has a WiFi to use to contact people, he’ll be absolutely fine and I’d really recommend it!
Is he generally fairly sensible and relatively organised?

Thank you, tanitani!
Yes, we were told about roppongi all those years ago 😁 I’m so torn, it’s a fantastic opportunity but he’s my baby (all 6ft 1 of him). Yes, he is sensible, stickler for rules. Organised? No, absolutely shambolic ! But his friend’s mother is super-organised. I suppose it’s because it’s just so far away and such a different culture, I worry how he’d cope if he became separated somehow. It is very reassuring though to know it’s as safe as I remember it being: it felt overwhelmingly so at the time, we lived in a not glamorous part of central Lobdon then and the difference was vast.
So, thank you very much for that: I shall continue pondering. I guess there’s always the option of a separate flight, a wig and dark glasses for me 😁

@JRMisOdious

I can imagine - my own mother was so worried when I moved here at 27! I don’t think that ever changes.

I would recommend your son practising some phrases in case he gets lost - or having them written in japanese that he can show them,
Japanese people although shy will try to help if they can - they really are so kind.
I once got lost and was 10 minutes opposite direction of my hotel - when I asked someone for directions they actually walked me all the way there and didn’t leave until I was actually in the lobby. This was Osaka.

I’m sure he will be safe and could be an amazing experience for him, not easy however safe it is I know! But if he has a WiFi, portable battery charger and his phone, he’ll be safe.

Failing that, buy the wig and dark glasses and come enjoy yourself too!

Does anyone know the best family friendly place to eat in Japan?

@Italiangreyhound

Some chains you can look for are Sushiro, or Kappasushi (sushi places but fries available too) Saizeriya, (general family food) Gusto, (same).......depends where you are but I feel these places you should see everywhere.
Revolving sushi places like the one above generally have good ice cream and desserts too. (Well I enjoy them )

"tanitani

Thanks so much.

We love sushi and love the conveyor belt places, how common are they in Tokyo and Kyoto, Osaka, etc?

They should be really common! They’re popular and would expect to see a lot in major cities. I’d search on google maps when you’re walking around and see which is closest to you.

Love this thread. How did you meet your partner?

@SavageBeauty73

Thank you! It was a Facebook message about English lessons!
Our wedding was just a few days ago on Saturday _

And japanese deodorant does nothing for foreigners!
I once worked with a colleague from Taiwan and she told me Asians think Caucasians have really strong body odour unless they've literally just got out of the shower. Is this true? She had a weird sense of humour and I could never work out if she was having me on!

@CabbageLeaf

I have no idea - they do sweat a lot less and don’t need deodorant. At least my DH doesn’t wear any and smells good.

As for what they think........I’ll check with him and update!

Thanks, I'd love to get a definitive answer to this, it's been bugging me for years

@CabbageLeaf @tanitani I have heard that too, and that it's apparently due to Westerner's consumption of dairy? 🥛🧀

Sorry no answer yet, but really @MrsGarethSouthgate? I hardly have any dairy.......I’ll have to research it haha.
Promise I’ll remember to ask DH soon and get the answer! Haha.

Would you and your fiancé move back to the UK?

Hi @bigbooobies we’re married now, I can now say DH! Happy times.

As of right now, we have no plans to ever move to the UK. It would be really hard to get set up and running, visas are really difficult even (or especially) spousal visas.

Also, where we live is so much more affordable. If we moved to the UK the only logical place would be London. The city we live in, we will be able to afford to buy in a few years. We can live modestly but comfortably, save some money and in a few years think about children.
Moving back to the UK financially just doesn’t seem worth it, and I’m very happy here.

Of course, you never know

This was a nice thread to read. My husband has done a few work trips to Japan - Nagasaki of up to seven weeks. He didn't like Tokyo, all the guys he was with found how busy it was really overwhelming.

He also struggled with the food as he is quite fussy and doesn't eat fish or anything that looks strange. He couldn't believe the things you could buy in vending machines and the amount there was. And was amused by the amount of dogs wearing clothes!

I can answer the sweat question! It's genetic. There's a recessive gene which codes for dry ear wax and non-smelly sweat. Because it's recessive you need a copy from each parent to have non-smelly sweat.

It's rare for westerners to have this gene but really common in east asians. My husband is the same as yours and doesn't need to wear deodorant.

Congrats OP!

I have a question about cultural attitudes towards sex. Is sex before marriage frowned upon? You also said families tend to sleep together, so where/how do couples have alone time? I ask as I have a Malay Indian friend who said that they all slept in the same room, her parents both worked FT and there was no other separate areas in the flat, so they must have had sex whilst the children where asleep in the same room, but she wasn't ever aware of it. Is that something that is considered an issue? I have two Japanese colleagues that look far too polite to have sex

@ShesABelter most vending machines tend to be standard drinks etc these days, you do see some interesting ones in the big cities!! I love it.

@Kinsters thanks for solving that one! I’d heard something similar but forgot. I’m forever asking my mum to send a care package of deodorant!

@evaperonspoodle sex is an interesting one, Japan can be really shameful and secretive about some aspects and then totally in your face in others! It has a penis festival.....no lie.
As to sex between couples in families etc, I don’t know. I haven’t asked friends (for obvious reasons haha) and don’t have DCs yet, so not sure. I guess they find ways! Same as any cosleeping parent.
You’d have to ask japanese couples to really know, but family life is so busy that alone time is a tricky one. I write this waiting for DH to get home from work and it’s half 8 here.
A lot of couples live together before marriage just like the UK, I would say that its not frowned upon but not openly discussed either??
If you’re ever brave enough that’s definitely one to ask a Japanese couple.

Would a weeks holiday be too short do you think?