I'm a traveller- AMA

[Pinkyyy]

I was actually asked on another post to start this thread, I've been debating the idea for a while but usually decide not to because I've seen threads like this turn sour before. Hopefully I can avoid that and actually provide information and educate people on a way of life they may well know very little about.

I invite you to ask any questions you may have, and I will do my best to answer them all honestly. I ask that you don't bother to comment if you're going to bombard me with racism and ignorance. If you'd like to question a common stereotype, by all means go ahead but I will not respond to those who are simply here to be hateful. I also hope you'll respect that I don't like to share too much of my personal details on here, so I'm aiming more to speak about travellers as a a whole and not so much about me personally.

So.... AMA

@Pinkyyy I think we'd probably get on alright then!

Thanks for answering. How do you feel personally about education and what are you doing about your DCs education? Do you think it's okay for girls to be taken out of the educational system with no replacement? What are the benefits for the girls and/or the community?

Why are girls kept ignorant? Is there any real reason and do you think it's okay?

@Jens303 I don't work full time and don't earn enough to be taxed, my DH does though. Yes my DC are in school and will remain until they decide to leave, I wouldn't allow them to leave before finishing primary school though as I think doing so disadvantages them by not having the basic skills in numeracy and literacy they will learn.

@GrammarTeacher we really aren't all bad!

@BlingLoving I think it's a matter of perspective, you say kept ignorant, I would say celibate. Of course girls learn bits and bobs here and there and don't suddenly get a shock on their wedding night. I think it's heavily based on religion and following god's will.

So you would be okay with them leaving school aged 11? Would then then get jobs?

The two designated and long standing traveller sites in my area are very very rough. Closed off to the local community and there are lots of crime coming from the area.

Travellers often are fighting in the local community and there are lots of cases of petty theft, and violence. Guns have been found and so on. Children in the local primary schools (3) are notoriously badly behaved and parents are mouthy and cause havoc.

That’s the reality of my area. It’s not prejudicial and it’s based on facts. I’m not saying it to be hateful or wind you up.

I do work with vulnerable families and work quite closely with families to keep their daughters in education. Just for balance. I’m not a raving bigot!

Seems like others on here have expressed the same.

I think if you treat people badly and push them to the margins if society then those groups will behave badly.

But I know that there are lovey traveller families and I work with lots of them, but there seems to be a group who live up to the negative stereo type.

I don’t intend to insult you, but care to comment on that? I would be so interested to hear your POV.

@BlingLoving yes I would, and I'd be equally happy with them staying on. A boy at that age would start to learn his dad's trade.

@Atalune what you describe sounds accurate and probably is a very 'rough' group of people. Most of them are probably related and so all share a common lifestyle and their choices and the way they live their life would not be to my taste and is probably the main reason for the behaviour of the children. I don't think you're being a bigot and I wouldn't deny that there are groups of travellers like that about, I would just try to assure you that they are in fact a minority and you're just unfortunate enough to have encountered them as opposed to a 'nicer' group of travellers

@Bluestitch I think you have to consider the fact that you are talking about a completely different way of life.

I understand that, but when you are talking about something like education- that is the right of a child enshrined in law in this country. Do you not think it does traveller children a disservice if they are denied an education and this is ignored based on it just being their 'way of life'? I don't think any group should be enabled to ignore the law.

Every November we go shopping in Birmingham, and there are a lot of travellers who meet up in the Bullring each time we are there. They all look very young... is there some sort of annual event? We've always been curious about it.

Just to add, I went to a small village primary school, the majority of the students were from one travelling site.. never an issue from any of them. Went for a few play dates (which showed how safe my mum thought I was, as I wasn't even allowed on a school trip!), I've never seen homes so well kept in every sense.

Is it true that travellers tend to marry within and keep a close community, in order to protect their own from the outside world, rather than for any other reason?

Do you think drug use is a lot less in the travelling community than it seems to be everywhere else?

Would you not worry that if you let them leave school at 11 they’d become isolated? And wouldn’t mix with non-travellers.

Also what is a gypsy accent closest to in terms of other accents? I haven’t heard one.

Thanks again. This thread, and the other one I read a few months ago, have made me really understand a couple of things. The first is that the travellers we see and hear about in our local communities who leave a mess, cause crime etc really are not representative of the majority of the traveller community. Which I'm really pleased to understand as I always struggled with the idea that all travellers were like this.

The second is that your basic belief system is nonetheless so far from mine that I don't really think I could ever interact on a regular basis. Not educating children to at least senior school, which includes not giving them choices for what kind of work they want to do when they grow up, managing/limiting girls' sexuality etc are all things I just intrinsically think are wrong. In the same way that I'm very uncomfortable with the way women are treated in some middle eastern countries, even if that is just the "culture" I find it hard in the case of travellers. It's not that I worry that these girls (and boy children too I guess) are being abused etc, but I do find it hard that they're not being given the choices and the opportunities that the rest of us enjoy.

@Bluestitch yes in some cases it definitely is a disservice and I find it very sad to see adults whos reading and writing skills are extremely poor, luckily most travellers at least finish primary school as a minimum now, with many staying longer.

@SPR1107 places like Birmingham bullring are common meeting points for young travellers, usually on Sundays. They meet up and socialise with friends who they may not live very close to, and often find relationships.
Travellers are for the most part, very house proud so that does sound about right.
I wouldn't say it was to protect them from the outside world, more of wanting to be with someone who shares the same way of life as you.
Drugs are frowned upon mostly, of course there are a few that experiment with them, like in any community but I'd say the % of drug users is lower than non-travellers

@LaurelAndMardy not really as they have lots of friends and family so isolation isn't usually an issue. Non travellers usually mistake the accent for Irish, so that's probably the closest comparison.

@BlingLoving your comments are definitely quite true and interesting to read. I suppose what they lack in some opportunities, they make up in others. I am glad to try and open some people's minds up about our lifestyle as often all people see/notice is the bad.

I'd say it's Irish (not NI) with a tweak of exotic thrown in. It's lovely to listen to.

What are son of the strengths of the travelling community / culture that you think balance out the restrictions that you have acknowledged - limited support for education etc. You mentioned loyalty and closeness to family - can you expand on that? Any others?

I have been thinking about the 'way of life' comment in regards to schooling, isnt the reason children particularly girls are pulled out of education early is so they conform to the 'way of life' they are taught to 'make home' cook , clean look after children( be housewive) . Also the no sex before married also supports conforming as they will want sex as teenagers do so they know they will get married to be able to do that, they have been taught what to do ,so when they do marry , they will carry on 'way of life " and the cycle continues, i do not mean to sound insulting just observing how i feel about it. Im sure its not what all travellers think like , but isn't this how the minority think?

I guess reading back im wondering is conforming with the way of life really a fair way to live?

A group of travelers pitched up on the park by my gym and I met the leader, Patrick. He showed me his trailer and the whole family slept in one bed! Is this typical? How do the parents have sex if they want?

They did their toiletry business outside and it smelt awful. The council had to spend thousands cleaning up the park when they left. Would these be the lower class travelers you mentioned up thread?

Personal question- Is there incest amongst the traveler community as someone told me there was but I wasn't sure, so I'm just curious.

I always wanted to be a gypsy and ride horses all day but that's probably not the reality

@namechange5575 there are many. For example, wherever you go in the country you are likely to see other travellers who will always speak to you and it's nice to know you have friends wherever you go. You tend to have a lot more friends and family and they are very loyal and would do anything to help you, in fact I traveller will always help another traveller in need whether or not they know them in most cases. There is a strong sense of community and belonging that a lot of people really like.

@chicken2015 I think the best way to think about it is to think that nobody is confined to this way of life, it's not for everyone and some people choose to live a different life completely and they are obviously quite entitled to do that. I think you'll probably find that most people who live this life don't feel that they are conforming but just feel that this is normal life for them.

One more question- do the men really box all the time? All the videos I see is of the traveling mean boxing. In the programme about the Appleby event, they say the men choose their partners and forcefully kiss the women to confirm that they would like to be with them, does is really happen?

I work with GRT children and families. I think what people in the non Traveller community do a lot of is project their expectations onto Travellers...for example, the belief that girls and women are trapped in lives of miserable servitude, forced into marriage and motherhood early, disrespected by the menfolk etc. This, in my experience at least, simply isn't the case. The vast majority are happy, contented and enjoy their lifestyle. Of course, there are probably plenty who feel the opposite, I just haven't met them.

@Timmytoo from what you described they definitely sound like they would be lower class, usually when the family outgrows one caravan they either get another one or move into a static caravan or house. There isn't really incest, but it is quite common for Irish travellers to marry their second or more distant cousins, I don't really agree with this. I'm afraid that is a bit far from reality lol

@zzzzz that seems to be the problem really, people view it as outrageous but it's just simply very traditional, and like you said still the way things are done in many other places across the world.

But if you (the community as a whole, don’t mean you personally) don’t educate children, then it’s very hard for them to lead a different life. Yes you can do education as an adult but how do you even know that’s an option. Is it not just a way of keeping the traveller community going by not even giving the next generation other options?

Thanks for taking the time to answer these questions @Pinkyyy Fascinating way of life.