I'm a complete only child AMA

[ernjas]

No brothers or sisters, no first cousins anywhere near my age and grew up as a complete only child.

Not sure if this is worth a topic but AMA if this is of any interest to anyone.

Same here, but now both my parents are dead.

My DS is the same - his next cousin in age is 11 years older than him, and no sign of any other children in the family

I’m the same, only cousin is 10 years older. I turned out fine. I have 2 children though

My girl is going to be the same (can’t have more for medical reasons as too risky) is there anything you wish your parents did when you were younger? More clubs? Activities? Pets? Socially? Holidays?

I didn’t think I would have an only child (I am one of three but siblings dont want children) and I am very aware I don’t want her to grow up lonely or hating the fact she has no siblings. I want her to love her childhood. She’s currently 2 and in a childminders with a good group of friends her age. I dont know what it’s like to be an only child (I’m not the oldest so always had a sibling) so I am struggling to think of things I need to plan to make sure she’s happy growing up. She has a pet cat and dog and we attend groups.

@VictoriaBun I'm sorry to hear that, that must be so hard for you

Me too. Victoria

@Sammy867

I feel like I had an amazing childhood with my mum anyway and had lots of pets and fun activities going on. I'm sure she'll be happy growing up!

(I do wish my mum had got me involved in more clubs/hobbies though. I wish I kind of had a little community in that sense as I never participated in anything and have no hobbies as an adult 😂)

How many, if any, children do you have?

@nameuseroriginal 1 so far. He is 2 in a few months.

I'm an only child too. Cousins much much older. Don't really know them. Parents both dead. As a kid we lived in a very community minded area. Quite poor but everyone knew each other and the kids were in and out of each other's houses. I have very happy memories.

But now my marriage has broken down I feel entirely adrift.

@ernjas do you ever wish your parents had carried on to give you a sibling ?
Did you get lonely ?
When holidaying, did your parents let you take a friend ?
Sorry just wondering as I have an "only"

To all of us.

@bourbonbiccy I always wish I had a sibling, even now I'm older. I know some only children who are glad they're only children though too.

Never took a friend on holiday but it was just me and my mum by that point and we had a laugh just us two and always enjoyed my time with her.

I don't think I ever got 'lonely' in the playing sense when I was younger as it was all I was ever used to, but would've liked siblings to lean on and go through stuff with as I got older and felt lonely in that sense.

Hope that helps x

I’m an only too - cousins are all at least 10 years younger. Tbh I’ve never wanted siblings, growing up my parents made me do a million hobbies, always took friends with me on holiday etc, and now as an adult I love my own company more than anything else.

Some interesting perspectives here. Seems whatever we do as parents, whatever life choices we make, or the way fate chooses for us, it will work out better for some than others.

My DC is an only only (2nd cousins who we see maybe twice a year) and I worry about loneliness. She is an only by choice. Some days guilt takes over and I think we should have tried for more but it's too late now. OP, do you have a strong circle of friends as surrogate family? Would you want more children having grown up an OC (sorry if this is a sensitive subject but you did say AMA)? Please tell us the positives of being an only! - feeling a bit down after some of the comments here. Thx

I’m not an only nor are my children only. But just because I have a sibling does not mean we have this mythical bond. We never got on as children, 2 different personalities and I reckon when our one remaining parent passes away we will not stay in contact. We live miles apart.

I have no family nearby and I have made my own. The local church really helped if you gloss over the god bit. It’s given my children access to lots of local people, of varying ages and I am trying to teach my kids to be socialable and get involved in the community.

OP do you think if you’d have had a more socialable upbringing your longing for a sibling might not exist?

@RomanMum I always had a strong circle of friends growing up but got pregnant young and that kind of fizzled out - so I don't anymore.

I'd definitely want more children having grown up as an only child - I've always wanted a bigger family.

Positives of being an only-
I definitely probably had a closer bond with my mum as I was an only child.
I definitely benefitted from extra money around Xmas time etc so felt the stress was alleviated as there was only ever one child for my parent to buy for!

Hope this helps?

I definitely don't think it's a bad thing to be an only child, I do know a lot of only children who wouldn't change it!

@Fucket I'm not sure. I think I only wish I had siblings for that bond between them and then I realise not all of them do.

Onlymee I have a sister. We get on well most of the time. But she won’t be my child’s guardian if anything happened to us. I’ve appointed a close friend of mine.

I am sad because there is nobody I can appoint as guardians if I die. I don't have a POA in place because I have nobody to put down for that.

Onlymee, why are you behaving as if siblings are the only people who are appointable as guardians? I have three, and none of them would be the guardians of DS if DH and I died -- no rift, but there are more suitable people whom we've nominated.

Actually, I've just read the rest of your post properly --

I saw 3 sisters in car park going round to one of their houses and burst into tears because I have no concept of what it must be like to be part of a family.

It is all a bit shit. If I had an only child I would not put them into any extra curricular activities because every man and his dog would be coming to tell me how spoilt my child was because I was forking out £2.10 for Brownies or whatever.

Subsequent children died. I wish I had too. I wish I had the courage to choose not to live.

It's clear you are profoundly depressed, and should get help for this, and that it's affecting your logic. I can understand feeling wistful at siblings getting along if you've never had any and idealise the sibling relationship, but it's definitely not a normal response to think that other people would see you sending your only child to Brownies as evidence of being spoilt. My only child goes to Beavers, and I can assure you that no one thinks we are spoiling him because we pay the (minimal) subscription -- it's not as if he's learning to ride unicorns on a gold saddle.

I have a sibling who is absolutely awful and I’ve been NC for 7 blissful years so sometimes things just don’t work out. My daughter is an only child and isn’t bothered at all, although I would have loved more children EXh didn’t which makes me so sad.

Only, I can't imagine much minding what anyone thinks about the number of children I have, to be honest. There are at least three other only children in his class at school from what he tells me he's six and a half and while obviously some of those may go on to have siblings, it's hardly some weirdly anomalous situation in 2018 to have only one child.