I'm a teenage mum- ask me anything

[youngmum00]

I'm a teenage mother ask me anything (within reason!)

How old were you when you gave birth?

Are you still at school?

@DRE56322 I was 16

@PurpleDaisies no but going back into education next year

Why choose to continue a pregnancy when you were so young?

Giving birth can be so hard - and the looking after bit even more so! How old are you? I was 31 and it was the hardest/most rewarding thing I ever did :-)

If it's not too rude a question (ignore if you don't want to answer!) is the father involved / are you still together?

16 is so young! how are you coping with it? I admit I found it very hard- there is nothing else like it!

@Procne because I thought I would regret having an abortion for the rest of my life (history o bad mental health) and that no one ever regrets their children...I am strongly pro choice though.

@mrsfollowill I'm 17 now and yes my birth went on for a long time and was very traumatic and I had to have a lot of stitches.

No question OP, just admiration. My DP gave birth at 16 too.

@DRE56322 no he is not although he will be soon I've just put it off for a while due to personal reasons though my baby's fathers mother has been involved from the start.

@SimplySteve thank you

Hats off to you! I had a lot of support and it was still the hardest thing I ever did. My friend was just the same as you and had her eldest at 15 but has made a massive success of her life - she has a brilliant career - it can be done! she is mid 40's and child free now is doing really well.

Thanks @mrsfollowill I'm hoping for a successful and meaningful career that helps people. Something in/that promotes social justice and a better world for my little.

Nothing but admiration for you. It's bloody hard work- mentally and physically.

Thanks for answering my previous question, OP. Can I ask what advice and support you had access to when you were deciding whether or not to continue with the pregnancy?

@mrsfollowill I didn't see the how are you coping with it question. Honestly I l really struggle especially with the lack of sleep, loneliness, housework and being with my baby all the time. I'm not a very maternal person although I try and my mental health wasn't good in my pregnancy (I went a bit crazy) and the numb afterwards and then it just kind of went downhill from there (I've always struggled with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts and am not great at regulating my emotions). Although I am getting help now (counselling and other things services where I am offer- I won't be too specific). I haven't gone on any meds yet I'm trying to take supplements like St. John's wart (for depression) and cbd (for anxiety) etc...because I know a lot of people who are either on or have been on meds and most of them don't have anything good to say about them and I trust Mother Nature more! Not anti pharmaceutical meds I just thought I'd try this first. I'm also planning on practicing more mindfulness so I don't get so overwhelmed by everything. But honestly I feel like I've lost my freedom and sometimes I think back to how happy I was before I found out I was pregnant and wonder if I'll ever feel like that again. I struggle with the lack of freedom to be spontaneous and the lack of socialising you therefore have. I struggle with the thought that I've brought someone into the world who will feel the same pain I do and they'll probably take on all my shit too. I struggle with getting out the house with them and cooking good food (I often forget to eat). All in all I really fucking struggle and whenever people bring young mums up I never see anything that makes me feel normal. All I ever see is young mums instantly jumping to defend themselves (I'm just as good as an older mum, I have a job, I have a house/mortgage, I love being a mum, I'm a really good mum, I have a long term boyfriend or partner etc...). I think it's because they're so used to being attacked and put down they instantly start defending themselves which is understandable, but not very helpful for people who struggle with (normal?) things like I do (sure there are many others struggling too in fact I know there are- my youth worker tells me). So it can feel pretty isolating like you're the only young parent who isn't doing a fantastic job but we're not alone. That's why I thought I'd made this thread to be honest.

@Procne I'm lucky because I've had a life that enabled me to know about my options well and have looked into all of them out of interest before I had to make that choice (and a close family member was adopted for because their parents were young so it's always been quite close to my heart). But actual advice from professionals? None. When I went to the doctor I told them I was having the baby and didn't want an abortion and that was that. I even asked why they didn't give me info and they said because I already seemed dead set on what I wanted to do and it wouldn't have changed my mind but I was pretty shocked I kind of though it was a legal obligation to inform you of your choices but apparently not. And the day after going to the doctors a police and social worker showed up where I was staying and asked me lots of very personal questions because I was 15 when I got pregnant but the doctors hadn't informed me this was going to happen so I was really terrified.

Wow, that sounds so difficult for you. 16 is so young. What did your parents say? Are they helpful? Do you live in an area where there are a higher number of young Mums.
You sound very astute and sensible and I hope that will help you get to a point where things feel easier. It makes for a bit of a shitty teenagehood but it’s not going to last forever.
I’d never recommend anyone have a child when they are a young teen but, if things work out, there are advantages. You are still young and hopefully you can still do everything you hoped to do. You will hopefully be on this planet for another 80 odd years. There is no need to let being a teen mum define you. You have just done thing in the wrong order...

Good luck for the future

My parents weren't happy and one refused to talk about it until I gave birth. Now I don't live near 1 but 1 of them lives nearby and helps out a bit although isn't a very nice person to be around so I don't spend much time with them but I'm lucky to have that support. I do wish I had more support though. That support has been very recent.

Thanks all ❤️

And no I don't think there are any other very young mums in my area. It's very upper middle class. I wish there were, also the funding for groups in my city has all been stopped so there's not much hope meeting any other young mums.

Financially how do you manage?
Buying everything needed for a child and living expenses, how do you do it?

I was 36/7 when I had my son. Very traumatic birth, PND and PTSD after. Had issues with depression etc and I’m not very maternal.

I struggle with losing my freedom too. You sound like me only 20 years younger. My DS is 9 now and I’m getting some freedom back. I’ve stayed single as felt I couldn’t cope with working, young child and dealing with trying to date etc plus never had the time.
There’s us old mums that feel the same way as you so don’t think that you’ll have nothing in common and they won’t understand.

It’s pretty shit being a single mum to a little one and very lonely. Just doing something simple like nipping to the shop for milk was a chore.