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AMA
Original poster

I'm an adoptive parent AMA

51 replies

IThinkIJustShatMyself · 17/10/2018 20:41

Hi, since it's national adoption week I thought I'd do an ask me anything in case anyone has any questions?

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DC2018 · 17/10/2018 20:43

Where you matched to your DC or did you select them? How long did it take fire you to bond with DC? x

Dancer12345 · 17/10/2018 20:57

What did you find hardest about the process?

Original poster
IThinkIJustShatMyself · 17/10/2018 20:59

I was matched to them. My SW contacted me and said she had found the right match for me and she was right. It took 8 months (and a lot of searching through profiles) but she was exactly right. It took a few months to properly bond. At the beginning it was mostly just trying to cope and stop them from noticing how much I was struggling to adapt but the bond slowly formed and now I couldn't live alone anymore!

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Jessiemay88 · 17/10/2018 20:59

I want to adopt in future, iv got one child. Can you tell me how long it took from start to finally taking your child home? How old were they? Have you found extended family supportive and loving

Original poster
IThinkIJustShatMyself · 17/10/2018 21:02

Dancer- the hardest part was reading information about children but then not choosing them. Reading about the trauma and neglect that they'd suffered but then deciding I couldn't take them. It felt like another rejection even though they didn't know about it. I definitely had to harden myself to what I was reading

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Original poster
IThinkIJustShatMyself · 17/10/2018 21:05

It took 6 months to register to be an adopter, 8 months to find the right children and then 3 months to go through the processes of panel etc before they came home. They were 11 months old when they came home (twins). My family have mostly been very supportive. Some friends who I thought would be there haven't been, and some people I've gotten closer to. I don't think it was the adoption that caused this though, just the change that becoming a parent had on me as a person

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LinoleumBlownapart · 17/10/2018 21:06

How old was your child when you adopted her?

Dancer12345 · 17/10/2018 21:07

It seems that you adopted as a single person - am I right? Do you have other children?
I posted a question on here recently about anxiety and would it possibly affect being able to adopt. Were there any hurdles you faced such as this, physical health, work, etc?

SockEatingMonster · 17/10/2018 21:09

Once the adoption has been finalised, how much help/involvement do you get from social services one year, 5 years, 10 years etc down the line? And is it the ‘right’ amount?

Original poster
IThinkIJustShatMyself · 17/10/2018 21:18

Linoleum- they were 11 months when they came home

Dancer- yes I'm a single adopter which caused a bit of concern for a few local authorities but it was just finding the right one :) I'm not sure about how anxiety would effect the process, but there are lots of different local authorities and volunteer agencies and they all seem to have their own criteria. If you're interested in adopting it might be worth contacting a few to check their opinion on it?

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peppersprayfirstapologiselater · 17/10/2018 21:18

What input did you get in terms of the health visiting service? What contact have you had with them?

Original poster
IThinkIJustShatMyself · 17/10/2018 21:20

Sock- it's only been three years since it was finalised. I've not heard from the adoption team since my final visit from my social worker. There is an after adoption support, and an adoption support fund but I've not needed access to it yet. If I do, I know it's available though

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Original poster
IThinkIJustShatMyself · 17/10/2018 21:23

Sorry Pepper, I'm not sure I know what you mean. Do you mean the health visitor? While my children were under the LA I had regular visits as looked after children reviews. Once the adoption order had gone through its the same as any other child and its up to me to make the arrangements

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EvaPerron · 17/10/2018 21:26

We're the introductions difficult? I always imagine that adopting a baby means taking them away from a heartbroken foster Carer?

Doobydoobydooyeh · 17/10/2018 21:26

Is there anything your social workers did or didn't do that you think worked well or didn't help at all? If that makes sense. Sorry haven't worded it very well.

Dancer12345 · 17/10/2018 21:30

What a shame that some LAs were concerned about you being a single adopter. I assume they were worried about a lack of support for you, but there are plenty of single parents who do amazingly well.

Had you decided to adopt two or did you see the twins and then decide?

percheron67 · 17/10/2018 21:31

Hello. Do the birth parents/grandparents have any contact?

Original poster
IThinkIJustShatMyself · 17/10/2018 21:42

Doo- my SW was great, there's nothing I would change about her. My children's SW was very unreliable, didn't turn up when she was due for a visit, was often late, didn't respond to emails. It was horrible trying to convince two young children to sit around the house for hours because the SW needed to visit but hadn't turned up again.

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Doobydoobydooyeh · 17/10/2018 21:43

That's so poor. :(

Original poster
IThinkIJustShatMyself · 17/10/2018 21:45

Eva- I found Them massively difficult. i felt awkward in their house and really in the way. They were lovely and helpful but I definitely felt like I was taking their children away. The day I took them home was horrible, everyone was crying and it was just a really difficult and emotional day, not the positive memory I was hoping for, but worth it in the end

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Original poster
IThinkIJustShatMyself · 17/10/2018 21:49

Dancer- they were worried about me managing, coping financially and also about me having the time for each child. I can understand their concerns, I just had to show that I could manage

I was approved for one or two children. I wasn't looking for twins, but they just felt right when I saw their profiles

Perch- yes, I do indirect contact (write a letter annually) for birth mum and birth dad. They are free to share this information with their families. No one writes back at the moment but hopefully that will change eventually. I also write annually to birth siblings who have all been adopted or gone into long term foster placements. Their families do write back which is lovely to have

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percheron67 · 17/10/2018 21:53

OP. Thank you for the reply. I am Granny to an adopted young man and i was interested to know how other people cope. I hope all is well with you and your tinies.

Original poster
IThinkIJustShatMyself · 17/10/2018 21:56

Aw that's nice Perch. Thank you for the luck :)

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Dancer12345 · 17/10/2018 21:56

I’ll stop asking now! Thank you for answering my questions. You’ve done an amazing thing and I wish you all well for the future.

Original poster
IThinkIJustShatMyself · 17/10/2018 22:08

Thanks Dancer, honestly feel free to ask anything, it's why I'm here :)

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