I’m a Child Protection social worker AMA

[Lupinslupinelady]

I won’t be breaching any confidentiality...

Can I ask about domestic abuse. Friend had 2 children. She was a victim of domestic abuse. This was physical and psychological towards her and in front of children, and psychological towards the children. SS involved after one child reported it to school. Mother told she must leave the father if she wanted to keep children, and have no contact with him. She went into hostel, was terrified, etc, finally got her life back though and children flourished. Then evil ex took her to court for acces to children and was given every other weekend and half holidays. The kids are terrified. So is she. She now wishes she had stayed, so she could protect the kids from his rages and manipulation. She is now having to send them off to a known abuser unprotected.
How does this happen. I hardly believed it really.
So SS say they will remove children from her if she stays with father as he is a risk.
But then courts are happy to grant father unsupervised access?

How long have you worked in child protection?

Can I ask what would result in a mother having her child taken off her and placed with a grandparent for life.. if they were allowed to have a second child a few years later Which they got to keep this time? No special needs etc

I do recommend the job and like it but it is very hard, especially front line. You have to do a degree - BA is 3 years, MA 2 years and then probation for the first year after that.

Happiest/ most rewarding cases are either when you help a family make small changes which have a big impact - like when I got a child to school who hadn’t attended for years as her mum had serious mental health issues. Also it is so rewarding finding an adoptive family for children.

Worst case was one of inter-generational sexual abuse/ incest plus horrible emotional abuse - people didn’t like to think too much about it so it had been ignored.

I’ve not needed counselling but have great managers to discuss things with.

stornwhale - totally - one of the hardest parts of the job. Plus we get told by parents that we are ‘looking down’ on them and being ‘too middle class’ which sucks!

I’ve worked in child protection for 7 years. And need to get on with some work now but will check posts later. Thanks for posting

our grandchildren came to us recently for a few months, they are aged 3 & 4, our DD was using drugs and has some mental health issues, we contacted the health visitor as we were so worried as she was using them in front of her children, and really losing it, complete neglect, anyway, the health visitor persuaded us that we would be best placed to speak to a social worker but when we did, we felt like this social worker was accusing us of snatching the children, we were asking for a Section 20 because my DD was saying that she wasn't able to look after them, to be fair, she did recognise how out of control she was although only saw and spoke to the children about 5 times in total while they were with us. We were shocked at the attitude of the local social services,. They refused to assess for a s20, no reason, just ignored our requests, we thought that because we had looked after the children before for similar reasons it would be in their interest to have somewhere to come when their mum was too out of it to care for them, or was mentally unwell. They just were not interested, at all. In fact, I would go as far to say that they were quite hostile to us.
In the end and out of the blue, without warning my DD just came to 'take them out' for a couple of hours, then never brought them back, we thought it would be in their interest to have a planned move back , but at that point the social worker would not even talk to us, due to data protection. Then (& not for the 1st time) my DD cut us out of our GC lives, we have had to fight to see them, no help from the local authority.
Am pretty bitter about it tbh. And angry. We just feel like our GC are being let down, when they come to us (we have had to fight in court for just a few hours with them) they are smelly and dirty, honestly its so bad I sometimes put them in the bath! and we have no faith in anyone, nowhere to take our concerns, which are still drug related and my DD still has had no help for her mental health issues, you would have thought this was really important for someone to make sure of? I mean it underlies her ability to care for the children.
Ugh, pretty much as soon as she took the children back, the social worker closed the case, no follow up at all.
I am sure that departments are different - in fact I know this because when she lived over in the next county the social services were completely the opposite, I would say a bit over the top with her, weren't going to give her a chance with her 1st baby, but in our county they don't seem to give a shit.
I feel so bad for my little GC - they are so young and the damage that these sudden separations have done is really visible especially with the older one. I think the social worker got completely hooked into what my DD was saying - which was utter and total bollocks about her upbringing, how we are as a family, yet didn't think of asking her why she asked us to look after them for weeks on end, we were ok for that, but she now doesn't trust us.
We know all it is is that she feels we 'grassed her up'. She can't see that we were trying to get her help and support the children, and there was no one there who presented a voice of reason to her, they just seemed to collaborate with her, without questioning things. The social worker kept saying (at the one meeting we had with her) 'its her story', but at what time does this story become complete fantasy?

Rant finished, you get the picture, not sure whether there was a question there but basically, no good came of our request for support from our local social work team

I will try and keep this a brief if I can and I hope it makes sense

A family member had an accusation that an injury had happened to their child in their care (bruises to arm) On investigation no charges were brought because of no evidence and inconsistencies in the mother and child's evidence. Prior to the allegation the child stayed at the fathers two nights/ two days a week. In the mean time the father received info that the mother was in a relationship with a DV perpetrator , as advised under Claire's law an application was made since then the only info the father has is that this man is no longer allowed to live in the home. The father has joint PR what level of info is he allowed. He was initially told contact arrangements need not be supervised but it was no longer a social services matter. Mum is now refusing unsupervised contact and the social worker (same one) is saying that's a reasonable requests). What is reasonable in this situation and what info can be given about the new abusive partner? Hope that makes sense, thanks so much for your time.

Im a mental health professional and have met some great social workers but also some shocking ones.

One case I was involved with recently, horrific dv (rape and serious violence), mum is seriously traumatised (and I suspect mildly brain damaged from the violence) and dad presents as comparatively 'normal' and more sophisticated.

Kids living with dad, despite all abuse having been reported and rape allegations still under criminal investigation.

SW completely groomed and manipulated by dad and mum can't do a thing right, she's so biased it's untrue.

I thought SW's were familiar with the MO of these types of men and wouldn't be so easily fooled? I assume their is extensive training on the dynamics of abuse in relationships as it must be a huge part of what you work with?

She's also generally terrible at her job, really judgmental and unprofessional in her communications.

Hats off to you OP, I couldn't do it!

Psychedelic- I recently went on a domestic abuse awareness course for work. It was run by the local authority for their staff was was attended by mainly teachers and social workers, but not exclusively so.
Anyway I was shocked at the lack of knowledge from the social workers. Some were newly qualified and said they had just 1 days training in domestic absuse as part of their degree. 😧 Their lack of understanding of the dynamics of an abusive relationship was shocking, really shocking. Asking questions such as ‘why doesn’t she just leave?’. I was really shocked. Obviously not their fault as newly qualified and just learning, and the council was addressing it by training them. They were all engaged in the training and learnt loads. But all had full case loads already. At the end the trainer asked them what percentage of their caseload involves some sort of domestic abuse, and all of them said 100% were affected somehow, even if not the primary reason for SS involvement 😵

Do things change re intervention when the child reaches 16?

Ploppy - 1 days training on domestic abuse! Good grief 🤦🏽‍♀️

I totally agree that there are some rubbish social workers - like in any profession but the risks feel so much higher. I frequently disagree with colleagues in my own office and in other authorities which makes it impossible for me to defend or even explain some issues raised here.
Chocolate50, that sounds hard. You mentioned that you have contact via Court which will provide some stability for the children and they may choose to stay more as they get older. Is their dad/ dads involved who could help with keeping them safe?

Babydontc

Babydontcry, if dad has PR he has the right to any info about his child - this can get confused with domestic abuse and data protection about other adults. So he could contact the social worker or their manager or do a complaint via the council website. Or get legal advice - it’s a cliche but it is often the best way to get things moving and some solicitors give free initial consultation.

And I do agree that some professionals’ knowledge of domestic abuse is terrible which is scary when there are so many cuts to shelters and services. The dilemma for social workers is we have to assess if the mother can prioritise the children no matter what which often means her having to make very quick and hard decisions when DV means she can’t easily do that. Or the other way round - it’s not just man on woman abuse. I wouldn’t tell a woman to ‘just leave’ - not least as that can put her and the children in greater danger - but police and Women’s Aid can move families more safely or try to keep them safer at home.

Things don’t change at my work when a child hits 16 - of course we might consider that at that age they can protect themselves more than a small child but child sexual exploitation and county lines means we have a lot of 16+ to look our for. At 18 we have to pass them to adult service if they meet the criteria.

@Lupinslupinelady, can I send you a PM? I won't give any personal details of anyone but would like advice, I know people in RL here so I don't want to post it on the boards. Fine to say no of course.

Sure

Could you talk about risk of future emotional harm as a reason for removal of children? Particularly if relates to the mother having been in care herself. Sorry if too broad a question.

What's a section 17 (or whatever it's called!)?
my DCs have recently been assigned a social worker, and she referred to it NOT being a section 17, so I had more say in what happens (eg I was able to give permission for some data release that ordinarily would happen anyway)

Thanks @Lupinslupinelady he already has an appointment with a solicitor today. My feelings are that the social worker is colluding with her (there is a long history of her being controlling which predates all of this) for an easy life and I suspect if challenged or there is a mention of a complaint things may quickly change. It's very difficult as my family member misses his child terribly (understandably) and I think there is a risk he may be a push over so contact can be resumed ASAP. I think the risk of this is that as soon as she doesn't get her own way in the future there will be a risk of further false accusations and demands.

Another one here saying that you do an amazing job.

It's so sad that you have to put up with abuse and judgement when you are dealing with things that most of the population could never dream of and being publicly maligned by people with an axe to grind but without the recourse to put some proper context on it.

Thank you

@Lupinslupinelady its quite a relief that you were accepting of my post, yes it is heartbreaking. Their dad does not see them & hasn't done for 3 years, my DD said at the time that he was violent & i suspect that he was - but knowing what I know now I also suspect my DD was as well, I feel the older child suffered because of this, & the separation which led to her DD not seeing her. The SW at the time said to me 'just because he's hitting holes in the walls, doesn't mean he's hitting her'. Is this a normal response? I was speechless at the time, thinking about my little GC having to witness that. I know reading some posts its fairly minor in comparison!
We are quite rural & live in an area where if you don't drive you can't get out & there aren't many other family around them who aren't elderly, we are the only family members who are bonded and can provide a safe space for the children. We were only asking for help as one of us had to work less so we could look after our DG & wanted to make sure we could support them properly should the need arise again.
Unfortunately the family court has asked for the s7 to be done by the local authority so she has had to come back to do it. We were so disappointed given how hostile she had been, we are worried that she will not do right by our GC.

Some stories here are very sad, @PsychedelicSheep bloody hell is all I can summon! It just feels like the children get lost in situations like that, I feel like its not that uncommon for social workers and professionals to be manipulated by parents & family members & you can see how children slip through the net.
Do social workers use dolls & puppets with children at pre school ages? I only ask because the SW mentioned this to get their wishes & feelings. I can just imagine my DG 'no thats not grandma! My grandma is taller/doesn't wear those clothes' etc. I was surprised I didn't think they did puppets etc any more?

More freaked by crazy tidy and clean houses with children sometimes

Why is that? My house is very clean and tidy but my son naps for 2 hours a day and I have a cleaner.

Kaytee87 - your reasons for a clean house are fine.

But it can indicate that the primary care giver is putting too much attention into house and not enough into child.
It could be a form of OCD and anxiety / depression etc
Could be because another parent is abusive to the stay at home parent and insists it’s perfect and therefore an indicator of domestic abuse

Basically it’s just that SS want to make sure the childrens needs are not being neglected in favour of housework, and if so why that might be.

Perfectly put thanks Ploppymoodypants! I also have a clean and tidy house but we expect to see evidence of normal child behaviour in houses likes toys on the floor maybe and not that children aren’t allowed toys or to play for whatever reason - emotional abuse or mental health problems maybe. But I’ve never heard of a referral simply due to a tidy house!

Creepingbuttercup, Section 17 is the section of the law - The Children Act 1989 - which covers the duty of a local authority to protect children and support families so I don’t know what your social worker meant - suggest you ask her.