I breastfed my child til she was 6yr old AMA

[needmoresleepnow]

DD was breastfed til she was 6. Ask me anything

if a child is old enough to ask to be breast fed then it is too old to be breast fed.
My daughter said “milk” and signed for it too around 9 months... should I have stopped then?
Such a dumb argument as the OP says- do you stop giving a child something because they can ask for it? Now that’s weird...

What people don't realise is that you feed your baby everyday and it was totally natural the day before so it's totally natural the next day even if it means one day they are two and the next day they are three. And If the toddler is really keen it's quite hard to explain why they can't have it anymore

This explains well why I carried on until ds was nearly 5. Ideally I would have stopped when he was about 2 (I breastfed dd until she was 2 and it felt a good time to stop) but he was very keen to carry on and I wasn’t bothered enough to stop.

We agreed when he was about 4.6 that he would stop the day after his 5th birthday but then about 2 months before his birthday we offered him the choice of milk or reading his book in bed. And suddenly he started choosing reading. I didn’t know the “last” feed was the last - in fact I don’t even remember the last. (And it was only a few months ago.)

Always nice to meet others who have also extended fed.

if a child is old enough to ask to be breast fed then it is too old to be breast fed.

My son could ask for it in writing before we stopped.

In the end I could be judge all day about ither people’s parenting choices. Many many parents do things that are far far from ideal parenting wise. I try not be though as I don’t know their lives.

Weird that people choose to judge me giving my son a cuddle and feeding him a healthy snack.

Hi OP, thanks for posting this! I’m still bf my 4.5 yo ds who is still really keen to keep going. He is about to start school and feeling nervous, and has been asking for booby much more frequently this last few weeks. I love that I can still use this to reassure and comfort him.
Interested to hear how you managed to reason with your dd about stopping as her adult teeth came in!

Tbh I probably felt the same as many people here about extended bf before I actually did it. But as someone else said, it's not like I started off feeding a 4yo - it feels totally normal when they are tiny, then just carries on feeling as normal from one day to the next until before you know it they are past the age where people deem it 'appropriate' or 'necessary'. It certainly didn't feel sexual at all! If DS had been a pain while feeding, messing around, kicking or biting, I would have stopped. And if he wasn't fussed I would have stopped gladly. He is a very securely attached, confident child and he didn't pester me for it during the day, so what harm was a quick bedtime snuggle and feed doing to anyone? Not me, not him and no one else knew or was bothered at all. So why such a big deal really? I'm certainly capable of saying no to DS when required to, so it wasn't me being too soft. And I don't get the 'If they are old enough to ask for it they are too old to be doing it' thing at all. As others have said, you wouldn't deny a cuddle if they could ask for it.

I'm not a fan of thinking everyone should breastfeed though - everyone should do whatever works for them and not feel bullied into doing something they don't wish to do. Before I had DS1 I wasn't keen on the whole bf idea at all and just agreed with myself that I'd try and see how it went for a few weeks then review. I wouldn't have beaten myself up if it didn't work out, I was bottle fed as were millions of babies with no issues at all. I feel odd if someone tells me well done for bf tbh - I stuck with it out of convenience (and laziness in the middle of the night!) more than anything and the effort involved in bottle feeding is probably far more work for many.

swimbikerunmummy it took a few attempts to convince her but in he end she was old enough to understand and settled for cuddles.

mumoftwo I can't remember my DD last feed either. Which is strange when you think how big a part of our lives it was for so many years

Well done to the OP and all those who have managed to breastfed their kids for so long. It can be very difficult in our culture to keep it going, as there is so much judgement.

I fed dd till shortly after her third birthday. I then explained to her that we were going to stop, mainly because I'd got to the stage where I wanted my body back. However, although my family were always super-supportive, I think I was also influenced by the social pressure to stop - the sense that I would have to stop it sooner or later, as dd was showing no sign of losing interest. In hindsight, there is a part of me that regrets the fact that I didn't let her make the decision when to stop. Perhaps, if people didn't go on about how "weird" it is, I might have had the confidence to be more responsive to dd's needs. On the other hand, I think had got to a stage where I personally was no longer enjoying it as the lovely bonding experience that it had been, and I just wanted to be free of it, so maybe it was the right timing after all. I'll never know how much social norms and judgements contributed to that feeling. It's hard to remember properly now.

Thankfully, dd adapted pretty quickly and it wasn't too traumatic to stop when we did, but I really admire those who have the confidence to keep going for as long as they want to. I am incredibly glad that I fed dd for as long as I did, and I feel that we do have an exceptionally close bond, even now she is a teenager. She is very secure and confident, and I'm sure those early years helped with that.

I'm curious as to how you managed to keep going in the face of social pressure and the judgemental attitudes of others. Are you naturally a very confident person who couldn't care less what others would think if they knew? Or did it bother you that people judged but you just kept going anyway because you felt it was the right thing to do?

Did it feel like it was a secret and if so did that bother you? I would happily extended feed my DS but I don’t think I’d like not telling friends and family about it. The problem is society makes us feel like we need to keep these things secret, and often when we are made to feel we should keep something to ourselves our subconscious can make us feel guilty about it, like it’s wrong.

I can't get that 'bitty' sketch out of my head when this topic comes up.

I breast fed continously for 17 years. At one point I was triple feeding, a new born, a toddler and a slightly older child. The longest any of them nursed was 6 and a few months, the shortest length of time just under 3 years. All my kids self weaned.
There are many benefits to natural weaning and I wish it was deemed more acceptable in this country. My children are adults now and none of them is embarrassed by their long term breast feeding. It was just a normal part of our lives. There is nothing wrong with children using nursing as a source of comfort as well as nutrition.

I'm curious as to how you managed to keep going in the face of social pressure and the judgemental attitudes of others. Are you naturally a very confident person who couldn't care less what others would think if they knew? Or did it bother you that people judged but you just kept going anyway because you felt it was the right thing to do?

That’s a really good question! I don’t know the answer.

Definitely not a confident couldn’t care less type. More an anxious, obsessive, over achiever type.

I think I just care even more what my children think of me than anyone else.

I think ds being my second child helped a bit - dd is 3 years older than ds and is ridiculously well behaved. (Nothing to do with me - just her personality.) Which makes it harder for people to comment on my lack of boundaries or whatever.

I just didn't care what other people thought and I certainly got plenty of judgement and disgust. But my children were happy, my husband was supportive and I was doing what I thought was best. It was nobody's business but ours so I just ignored the naysayers.

I can't get that 'bitty' sketch out of my head when this topic comes up.

A lot of people say that.

I find it very strange. That sketch is about breastfeeding a adult. We are talking about breastfeeding young children.

It wouldn’t be appropriate to wipe an adult’s child bottom but I still wipe ds’s as he usually misses a bit.

It wouldn’t be appropriate to let an adult child into bed with you in the mornings but the kids often climb in for a cuddle.

It wouldn’t be appropriate to bath an adult child but I still help both kids out in the bath. (Although with dd I am now pretty much redundant apart from making sure all the shampoo and conditioner is washed off her ridiculously long hair.)

On the other side of the coin:-

When my children are adults they will probably leave home and live all by themselves. Currently I don’t even leave them in the house alone in order to post a letter.

When my children are adults they will learn to drive. I don’t let them have a go at parking right now.

When they are adults they will be able to choose how long they spend in front of screens each day. Currently I make that decision.

When my children are adults they will probably have sex. They don’t have sex now.

Adults are actually very different to infant school aged children.

Although PP was being extremely vegan-dramatic, her point is actually relevant. It's quite absurd that culturally we're told and [most of us] believe that breastfeeding a 3+ year old is weird, but taking the breastmilk from a cow to give to our children in a cup instead is just fine.

Well done OP! My initial reaction was ‘eugh’ but I wonder why I’m so conditioned to think it’s unnatural when it clearly is?

I wonder if it is down to an experience I had as a young nursery worker. I was the key worker for a boy (no SN) who, when he became comfortable with me, used to pull at and put his hand up my top to try and feed from me. He was 3 and I’ve never experienced anything like this since!

Question: do you judge women who choose to formula feed?

I breast fed DS1 and DD for around 1 year and they both naturally stopped.

I had lots of comments from friends/family about when I would stop, surely they don't need it anymore, there's bottled milk you know etc. Visably uncomfortable if I had to feed if they were present.

Luckily they'd all fucked off by the time I had DS2, as he did not want to stop. He's 2.5 now and we've just stopped. He would have carried on but I couldn't cope any more. He was waking up 6+ times a night and after 2.5 years of no sleep, I cracked.

I do feel pretty shit about it, but also glad my body is back. After initial upset, he's fine and now sleeping through.

Husband super supportive all the way through.

Well done OP. It's really hard when in the minority and it is something that's judged. Makes me

You're amazing ♡
Currently bf my 3.5 yr old and I love how much support you've had on this thread.

I'm wondering about your bras (in a non-creepy way!). Presumably you haven't had to wear nursing bras as she got older? Did you have a drawerful of pre-baby bras sitting waiting for six years?

They don't need breast milk at 6. They aren't babies

It honestly baffles me people can have this argument. You have a problem with a mother feeding her own child breast milk but wouldn’t have a problem with the same child receiving cows milk instead?

You don’t need cows milk, you’re not a baby cow.

What’s worse, a mother giving her 6 year old child it’s natural milk OR a mother giving her 6 year old child milk from a completely different animal which serves no purpose?

I’m not even vegan. It just baffles me.

True kenny, not only do people not have a problem with cows milk, most people see it as an essential health food for children.

Its milk from a cow! I'm not a vegan or a breastfeeder, but this also baffles me.

This kitten
However I do find the idea of BF a child that age a bit gross - don't get me wrong I really wish I didn't find it gross, but I do. I guess I'm just conditioned that boobs are sexual, and once a child becomes aware of that, I couldn't cope with them sucking on them

My six year old has no idea that breasts are sexual.

I Bf DS until 4.5. We stopped because I was more than ready and had a large old amalgam filling removed and I did not want anything to pass to him. I was nervous about stopping as he was adamant every time I brought the subject up. In the end I told him that my boobs were sick and they had to get better which he could understand and it broke the habit (although he stall says he misses it sometimes).

On the subject of tooth decay. DS has some cavities on his top teeth. I believe that this was caused by feeding a lot through the night about 2.5 when he was getting his molars for pain relief. He would not take any pain medication and still refuses it. I noticed the decay at about 3 and immediately stopped all feeding after teeth brushing and the cavities did not get any worse.

At the time I was really upset at what had caused it because DS had no juice only water and very few sugary foods. I did some research and found other BFing mothers on online forums whose children did have decay on the same top teeth. Or possibly DS just has crap teeth.

alexashutup I suppose I am fairly confident but with breastfeeding I was/am particularly confident in my decision to breastfeed so any criticism or challenge to that decision was something I viewed as an opportunity to try and inform and educate rather than get upset or annoyed at.

I rarely received any criticism though TBH. One friend sent me a long email telling me how she was concerned that my DD may grow up needing an oral addition and may replace breastfeeding with an eating disorder or smoking or drugs . That's probably the most extreme reaction! But I simply replied to each of her points as I was confident in my choice A it has come from an informed place and although hers hadn't and was misplaced and uninformed it was a genuine concern for her that I was making a poor decision.

Most people are curious when et did out and just want to ask questions about how and why.

Bluemoon I never felt inhad to keep it a secret but like I have said up thread there was not generally any real need to talk about it as it wa a natural part of my parenting and after 3 it was generally behind closed doors anyway!

That said if breastfeeding ever came up and particularly if anyone ever challenged me/someone else or made a derogatory comment about natural term weaning or desding past babyhood I would always take up the challenge and try to inform by using my experience.

Sundlowers mumlessstressed has answered this really well but just to add that adults can't physically breastfeed due to how the jaw changes as adult teeth erupt so this would never happen. Also this sketch depicts a grown up isn't confident and is 'tied to his mothers apron strings' when in fact breastfeeding to natural term has the opposite effect, encouraging independence and secure attachment.

partdown DD always knew boobie was only something that I could give her so never tried to feed off anyone else. She did on occasion want to put her hand on the top of my mum's breast if she stayed over as a kind of half way house because she missed having boobie with me! And my next door neighbour that I was very close to had HUGE boobs and was very snugly - she used to put her hand between her boobs she was cuddling her when she was sleepy. My neighbour never minded and in fact had commented other kids had tried the same. I saw it, as did my mum and neighbour, as something which meant they were someone special to DD and were certainly not freaked out by it. It never bothered me in the slightest either and DD only did it to these two people whilst she was very young/toddler.

Kimv No I don't. I am not anti formula but I am fiercely pro choice and feel that mothers are often given misinformation and lack adequate support to make/ continue with the feeding decisions they make.

Breastfeeding support is really lacking in the UK and formula milk advertising has billions pumped into it. This undermines many many mothers efforts.

I supported thousands of mothers in my breastfeeding support role and I can't tell you how many people had been influence by well meaning friends and family with misinformation which had come from years of formula milk advertising. That makes me sad and angry with formula milk companies which place profit above what is best for babies by actively undermining

glutes well done for getting to 2.5yr. Disturbed slerpnus a killer and at that age was massively difficult for me as I was back FT and a single mum. Had I have been in a relationship I would have probably tried night weaning but it was impossible having no one else to help so disturbed sleep it was! Incidentally she didn't sleep through reliably til she was around 8 so stopping didn't help in my case anyway

polkadots good question! I stopped wearing nursing bras at around 2yrs maybe sooner. My old bras didn't fit tho as they were too small - like the rest of my body my beasts changed shape and size and now bigger than before!