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AMA DC are going to have 14 siblings by Halloween

37 replies

eromish · 29/07/2018 20:48

NC as outing, obviously.

Just told a friend about the situation and she found it interesting so I thought I'd see if anyone else did. Probably not so apologies if so.

ExH is going to become a father for the 10th and 11th time. He also has a step son and a granddaughter.

I have 6 children including the 3 we have together and a step daughter.

In about 3 months time my eldest children will have 14 siblings and even I can't quite believe it. We've not always known about them. AMA.

OP posts:
BumblebeeBum · 30/07/2018 07:42

Can you break down the siblings? So do I have this right? Your ex will have 11 kids, your 6 kids minus the 3 your share together = 14. Plus your step daughter = 15 kids all together.

What were the timelines for your and your ex’s relationships that produced children?

How did you find out about the siblings you didn't always know about?

Is your ex expecting twins or 2 kids with 2 different women?

Do all the siblings know each other? Do they get on? Do the grown ups in the situation get on?

How do each of your children feel about having so many siblings?

millimat · 30/07/2018 08:15

Do you ever all meet up together?

eromish · 31/07/2018 01:18

Ex will have 12 children when they are born (including his step son).

I have 6 children (including my step daughter).

His children are 21, 17, 16, 13, 12, 8, 6, 6, 5, 1 and due in October. Many of them are the result of cheating (I was still 'happily' married to EXH when 5 year old was born). He got quite into the swing of having a child with someone and then leaving them very soon after, not that I knew any of this at the time.

OP posts:
eromish · 31/07/2018 01:23

The mothers of his eldest 3 children all live very close to each other and maintained a good relationship with each other after ExH left (all three of them at the same time, pretty much). I contacted his first wife when we divorced and found out about his eldest 3 children that way. He never told me about them.

My children know all of their siblings, but the eldest 3 haven't met the youngest 2 and probably never will as they don't have a relationship with their father at all (and he is married to their mother) and don't want one.

We hear from the 12 year old/her mum sometimes and usually meet up around xmas and a day in the summer, but her mum is remarried with more children herself so 12 year old very much already has "her family".

I suppose the only time they might be all in one place at the same time would be a wedding or funeral, unfortunately.

OP posts:
manaftermidnight · 01/08/2018 23:52

Wow. You have a horde of children to man who already had a bigger horde, pretended he didn't have the first three, and got most of the rest by cheating, and running off as soon as they were born. And you're already divorced but you went back for more?

manaftermidnight · 01/08/2018 23:53

I'm guessing he never paid towards most of them, right?

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 02/08/2018 07:32

What is his motivation? He obviously isn’t that bothered about his children so why keep having more?

AtSea1979 · 02/08/2018 08:47

ExH has 12 children to how many women?

LoniceraJaponica · 02/08/2018 08:51

Why do none of the adults here use contraception?

Belindabauer · 02/08/2018 08:57

How many women had your fathered children to?

speakout · 02/08/2018 17:19

How do you and your OH support all these children?

He particularly must have a good salary to pay for all these kids.

delphguelph · 02/08/2018 17:22

Blimey

Bananalanacake · 02/08/2018 17:24

Does he earn lots to pay all that maintenance

speakout · 02/08/2018 17:35

How could he keep all that a secret from you?

RiddleyW · 02/08/2018 19:19

That is really interesting - does he pay for any of them? How many mums in total?

YourVagesty · 02/08/2018 19:26

How do you pay for everything? Does your ex pay for anything? Do you both (and his exes) work?

speakout · 02/08/2018 19:33

This reply has been deleted

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eromish · 04/08/2018 12:53

You already have a hoard of children with this man and went back for more?

No, we're divorced and I am remarried to a man I have two children with.

Has he ever paid towards any of them?

Not the older ones, but from my children (8) and younger he has.

What's his motivation?

I honestly don't know. I've spent so much time thinking about it but have never come up with an answer.

How many mums?

6

OP posts:
eromish · 04/08/2018 13:00

Why are none of the adults using contraception?

Not to excuse him (at all), but he is very wide 'down there' and we never found condoms that reliably didn't break, which is why I took the pill until we ttc. I can't speak for the other women, but I know his youngest 2 were planned.

How could he keep all that a secret from you?

He wasn't seeing his older children and simply didn't tell me about them. If you meant morally, I don't have the answer to that. I was so upset when I found out (obviously).

Does he work?

Yes. He works in the music industry and is always travelling for work, which is why the cheating/abandoning was so "easy".

OP posts:
SerendipityFelix · 05/08/2018 08:09

Wow. Still can’t quite understand the timeline here.

So he had 3 children with 3 different women. (Now 21, 17 and 16)?
Then the now 13 and 12 year olds - were these with his first wife? And she is now remarried with more children as well?
The 8yo and 6yo (twins?) with you (his second wife?)
A 5yo as a result of an affair whilst still with you. Is the 1yo and (twins?) on the way with the same woman (now 3rd wife)?

I think that makes 6 mothers Confused

Ok, apart from just getting straight the facts of it all. My question is what is woman number 6 thinking having more children with him now? Not fair to ask you that though! So more sensible questions:

Does she (latest woman/3rd wife) know about him abandoning previous families and that he has many other children to support?

How much do your own children understand about his actions, has it affected their relationship with him? I can imagine that might become more difficult as they grow up I guess, they’re quite young now to fully understand all the abandonment, lying and cheating.

How have you coped OP? I’m understanding that you married a man who had 2 children from a previous marriage, and then you had 3 children with him. Then discover he’s cheated and has another child with a third woman. And once you left him the rest all came out as well? That’s horrible for you. I’m sincerely impressed you’re able to continue to facilitate your children having a relationship with him. Can’t imagine how difficult that could be.

I’m doing family history research at the moment - your ex would be a nightmare ancestor to figure out!

dudsville · 05/08/2018 08:11

I stupidly clicked because I thought your one child was suddenly going to have all these siblings. I thought you must be adopting a family from some crisis situation!

dangerrabbit · 05/08/2018 19:37

Does your ex pay child maintenance for all his children?

eromish · 05/08/2018 20:47

TIMELINE

Mum 1 (first wife) - had 1 child (21) with him at 16. Child now has his own daughter (6 months)

Mum 2 - 1 child (17) while he was married to 1st wife

Mum 3 - 1 child (16) born while he was married to 1st wife.

(First wife didn't find out about the latter two women or children until he left them all and moved abroad)

Mum 4 - 1 child from ONS, EXH didn't find out about child until we were married.

Mum 5 (second wife) (me) - 3 children (8, 6 and 6)

Mum 6 (3rd wife) - 1 child (5) while he was married to me,^^ 1 child after they married and they're expecting 2 more children (twins).

OP posts:
Iwantaunicorn · 05/08/2018 20:59

Crikey, that’s a lot of kids and quite complicated, thank you for explaining. Do you and your dc know/see the other mums and kids? I wonder if his third wife knows about his kids before the kids he had with you?

Iwantaunicorn · 05/08/2018 21:00

I didn’t mean the above in a judgemental way, I only have twins and find that hard, so 14 would kill me 🤪

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