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AMA
Original poster

I have agoraphobia and social anxiety disorder, AMA

27 replies

HalfALife · 27/07/2018 21:49

My agoraphobia is very closely related to the social anxiety, I think if I could go outside and be utterly guaranteed not to meet a soul I could manage it. How sad that this is the only notable thing I can think of about myself but hey ho, it might not be something much spoken about (because who's going to get to ask when I hardly see anyone Grin, have to find humour in it!).

OP posts:
croprotationinthe13thcentury · 27/07/2018 22:11

Have you tried medication to resolve this issue?

PotteringAlong · 27/07/2018 22:13

How old were you when it started?
How did it start?

Bluntness100 · 27/07/2018 22:16

What help have you sought and who else does it impact? Do you have a partner or children?

Original poster
HalfALife · 27/07/2018 22:32

croprotationinthe13thcentury

I was on Seroxat twice, both times in the midst of the abusive relationship which caused these issues so was no use. First time Seroxat had no effect on anything really, second time it just made me sleep a lot which was weird for an SSRI at the time.

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Original poster
HalfALife · 27/07/2018 22:35

croprotationinthe13thcentury

Oh and I have tried other drugs before and since, fluoxetine, clomipramine, chlorpromazine, Melleril (which was superb but was taken off it due to it having dangerous effects on others), buspirone.

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ScreamingValenta · 27/07/2018 22:38

Hi OP. Do you ever manage to go out, or is it too frightening?

Original poster
HalfALife · 27/07/2018 22:39

PotteringAlong approximately 20 or so. I had had depression and anxiety since the age of 13, got into an emotionally abusive relationship at the age of 18 with an older guy who steadily chipped away at me and my self esteem, aided by his friends, no less. I wasn't allowed to go out, wasn't allowed to cry, all sorts. I recognise that I have internalised the abuse but still am convinced that he was right all those times he told me I am shit.

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MajesticWhine · 27/07/2018 22:41

Have you had any CBT for these problems?

Original poster
HalfALife · 27/07/2018 22:45

Bluntness100 (have seen your posts elsewhere and have always agreed with you Smile) I have seen a psychologist and psychiatrist. The psychiatrist told me he was of no use to me because it's a neurosis rather than psychosis. The psychologist I didn't click with anyway but like my reply above I was in the midst of the abuse so I don't know how much use it would have been anyway. CBT terrified me because it involved trying to leave the house alone (I still don't do that and that's over a decade later). I do have a partner and children and it impacts them greatly, my partner goes to the shop any time we need anything for example, and my children have stopped asking me to go anywhere with them. I feel extraordinary guilt at that.

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Rednaxela · 27/07/2018 22:47

What makes you think you are unfixable?

Original poster
HalfALife · 27/07/2018 22:48

ScreamingValenta out to the bin or something, yes. Any further and I need to be accompanied and psyche myself up for it, sometimes for days in advance. Struggled with CBT because it challenged me (which I know is precisely the point).

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Original poster
HalfALife · 27/07/2018 22:50

Rednaxela I don't know. I truly believe all those things my ex said so it's ingrained in me.

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croprotationinthe13thcentury · 27/07/2018 22:58

What do you think would happen if you went out?

Original poster
HalfALife · 27/07/2018 22:59

PS Thank you for that question Rednaxela, it's a bloody difficult one to answer but it does make me reflect a lot. CheersSmile

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Original poster
HalfALife · 27/07/2018 23:05

croprotationinthe13thcentury I'm utterly convinced that no one deserves to have the shit that is me inflicted on anyone else, be that anyone serving me in a shop, whatever. I know as I write this that it is an absurdly self obsessed way to think but it comes from a place of self hatred. My mum recently asked me (yet again, my parents worry about me a lot) what would be so bad about going outside and I told her that I feel I'm not good enough to inflict myself on people so it's not about envisaging anything bad happening, it's just that I feel (know, rather, some folk would call it low self esteem but I wouldn't cos I think it's accurate) that I am not good enough for anyone.

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Nousernameforme · 27/07/2018 23:09

Oh you are so fixable, it is just a bitch of a journey to get there.
You have been effected for longer than me so it will take you longer to get sorted. My problems with this have been documented on here on and off since september 2012 when mine started. I am at a point now where I can go out alone if it's walking somewhere. I cannot do any form of public transport alone but can go in any small to middle sized shops supermarkets are fine accompanied.
I am not completely fixed yet but I am getting there. Please don't give up.

The only thing that will work in the end is exposure and it's horrible and slow and terrifying but you have to fight this.

DoTheBartman · 27/07/2018 23:24

I suffer from agoraphobia but I keep having dreams that I am out on public transport and waking up panicky. I guess that's my unconsciousness trying to keep me normalised. Do you ever suffer anything similar?

Original poster
HalfALife · 27/07/2018 23:28

Nousernameforme oh thank you and well done! Weirdly, before this really took hold my friend and I discussed public transport, she preferred buses cos she barely had to speak to anyone but I preferred taxis cos I only had to sit with one person.

How did you manage to get to where you are now regarding it?

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Original poster
HalfALife · 27/07/2018 23:32

DoTheBartman No, quite the opposite. My recurrent dreams are always about modes of transport and always feeling fine on/in them. Trains Planes and Automobiles haha. I dream about driving confidently when in reality I've never driven in my life, train dreams are frequent as are aeroplanes. It's as if my subconscious is trying to give me experiences I'll never have.

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Nousernameforme · 28/07/2018 07:47

I started small, I would walk round a tiny block where i live twice a day it would literally take me 30 seconds but i would have to have my phone and a bottle of water with me i would go out the back door and round to the front door. I didn't manage it every day and I hated doing it I counted lamposts or curb stones to make sure i didn't go in to full blown panic and then when i got back the feeling of relief was amazing a proper adrenaline rush.
Gradually i got better I am stubborn and once i decided it needed to be fixed I kept trying. I've had setbacks once I was feeling brave and went to the shop on my own, well with my youngest in the buggy and bought him a freddo I was so bad I didn't leave the house again for about 5 days.
But you have to keep trying. Go to just outside your comfort zone for a tiny amount of time but do it several times a day every day. Then when it gets to the point you don't dread it and just feel its a bit daft and pointless push a bit further.

We went on holiday last year and it was amazing you can too

PoisonousSmurf · 28/07/2018 07:52

My mum had agrophobia and didn't go out the house for over 20 years. But as soon as I passed my driving test at the age of 17, she suddenly wanted to go out.
Was she making it all up or was the car and extention of home?

She always refused to answer that question.

Nousernameforme · 28/07/2018 07:58

It's not that agoraphobes don't want to go out it's that they are too scared.
Chances are you being a safe person and the car being a contained space with some degree of control in it for her did become a sort of extension for her.

PoisonousSmurf · 28/07/2018 08:05

Yeah, suppose it was. But she never stopped wanting to go out after that lol!

Knitjob · 28/07/2018 08:23

I don't really understand. Do you never go outside? Walk your kids to school, go to parent meetings at school? I can't imagine that life. I am so sorry you have to deal with it, it sounds really hard.

What do you do in your house all day? Can you chat to people on the phone or have people visit you? Do you feel trapped in your house?

Would you like to go outside and see places?

I'm sorry, my questions sound really ignorant. I don't mean to be horrible.

Kardashianlove · 28/07/2018 08:40

I'm utterly convinced that no one deserves to have the shit that is me inflicted on anyone else, be that anyone serving me in a shop, whatever. I know as I write this that it is an absurdly self obsessed way to think

Yes, in the kindest possible way it does sound completely self obsessed. Do you think that everyone else is as ‘important’ enough to be noticed by shopkeepers, etc or just you?
Do you think that say, really smelly people shouldn’t go out so not as to inflict themselves on shopkeepers?

I’m genuinely interested in your perspective as I always thought acrophobia was about fear of going out and yours sounds a bit differentFlowers