I use the withdrawal method AMA

[edinburghlass1991]

For 2 yrs now

It’s my choice to use it despite what many may think I do see myself as pro choice regarding bc/abortion. The reason I came back to faith as I had a miscarriage while awaiting an abortion I know now that I would’ve kept my baby but I believe it’s was my punchment for being so sinful and I carry that every single day of my life. I can’t explain why I know that but I just do not can I explain my faith without sounding insane but all I know is my baby was wanted I just got scared and I will be forever sorry for it

twatty and elvis, the OP is wrong — the official Catholic position specifically forbids withdrawal.

Its position makes ‘sense’ according to its own logic — all sex must be open to the possibility of conception. The reason ‘natural family planning’ is accepted is because it’s based on abstinence. You identify your fertile period and don’t have sex during it — but all the sex you do have, the rest of the time, must not involve artificially preventing conception.

withdrawal method is no compliant with the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church. For modern church yes my priest help us with deciding what to do

If you are going down the catholic route (am catholic) then withdrawal is also a sin.

Actually up until mid last century, the church regarded sex as purely for procreation - not recreation - so ANY attempt to thwart that was regarded as sinful. It was a big relief to catholics when it was decided that "natural" methods - such as tracking cycles were ok.

Also Vatican II could as easily have gone pro- contraception as anti. The inventor of the pill was a catholic and he thought he had invented the perfect solution for catholics. In a few years time some other vatican council will announce that barrier methods are fine or some such thing and all the women who put unnecessary stress on their sex lives or bore more children than they wanted will be "say what now??"

My mother was a devout, daily-mass-going catholic. She thought the rules about contraception were utterly ridiculous and she looked at her friends having 6, 8, 10 children, not by choice and thought it was a sin what the church was imposing - entirely man-made rules.

Oh op God didn't punish you by causing a miscarriage because you were thinking of aborting. Can you not see that there's no logic in that?

As I said there is
Different levels of the church more strict then others and more open then others for me barrier type a
aren’t sinful I belong to a less strict church

malmsey that makes more sense, thank you.
OP is not alone though, in thinking that 'natural' methods are somehow less sinful than medical ones, and I would still like to understand how that logic works.

Edinburgh I'm sorry about your miscarriage. I'm certain that you were not being punished. I hope you find some peace.

I have no idea why you need the help of a supposedly celibate man to tell you how to manage your sex life/child bearing. Come on OP. I suspect the church gave you a feeling of certainty in times of difficulty - and that is great. I found the same. I emigrated and it was a huge comfort to me that the mass was the same and I could go there and experience something pretty similar to what I had at home. The rites and rituals can be very comforting. But your most intimate, most personal decisions - when to have sex and when to conceive?

Sorry OP, but there aren't different levels of the catholic church. The rules are all the same no matter which church you go to. The pope decides - not individual churches. It is a strength and a weakness of the RC church.

There are priest willing to "forgive" or disregard certain sins - like withdrawal/contraception etc but that is different. He is probably wondering why you need his guidance rather than motoring on and living your live using whatever contraception you want like other catholic women.

I know this is intrusive, but does your DH not find it frustrating that he can't "finish" without interruption?

"The reason I came back to faith as I had a miscarriage while awaiting an abortion I know now that I would’ve kept my baby but I believe it’s was my punchment for being so sinful and I carry that every single day of my life. I can’t explain why I know that but I just do"

This is one of the saddest things I've ever read on here

It is a sobering reminder of just how harmful religion is. Such an utterly unnecessary source of misery in the 21st Century.

It wasn't your fault, OP. Your baby didn't die because of your 'sins'. Miscarriages happen every day. They are not a tool through which deities punish errant women.

The pill and barrier methods ought to be fine for catholics I’ve never understood why they are worse than natural family planning, they’re all attempts to control the size of your family.

You are very right about that it’s more the Priest.

Agreed pallisers on Vat II potentially going either way. Many Catholics thought the pill was going to be approved for use by Catholics and were horrified it wasn’t. David Lodge’s novel How Far Can You Go? is good on this.

OP, is this really good for you? Your miscarriage was not a divine punishment, and getting a (supposedly) celibate man involved in your sex life is probably not helping. And he is contravening the official line. There aren’t different subsections of Catholicism — that’s the point of Papal infallibility. In using withdrawal, you’re already breaking the rules, so why not use a more reliable contraceptive method?

m.youtube.com/watch?v=fUspLVStPbk

Sorry! Could no resist

Dh does find it hard and so do I it’s a con useing it

Moveing morals aside when I left the fath I probably used every bc going but I got side effects and the coil came out twice! So as another baby is something that will be a blessing to us it seems pointless going on more effective bc

My dh and I have used that method successfully for years. Have one beautiful ds. Hoping to try for another soon 👶🏻

Should have mentioned PLANNED ds

OP , it sounds like you have been through a horrible upsetting experience and are completely filled with guilt. (Catholic guilt at that !) and have tried to grab on to faith to help you through. Which is completely understandable. However you have really got your understanding of 'the rules' a bit topsy-turvy.

The Catholic Church does not have rules 'open to interpretation ' when it comes to matters of sexuality/marriage /family life etc. There are hard and fast teachings on what is and isn't 'a sin'. The withdrawal method is a sin according to the Catholic Church. The only method of family planning (not contraception) that is sanctioned by the Catholic Church was set out in (I think 1968) by the then Pope. In his prophetic encyclical [i]Humanae Vitae[/i] (Of human life), Pope Paul VI taught that “there may be serious reasons for spacing offspring… The Church teaches that in such cases it is morally permissible for spouses to… reserve marital intercourse for infertile times. The spouses are able to plan their families without violating the moral teachings set forth above.’ In this carefully qualified sense, the Church actually supports “birth control” and “family planning”---and the method left open to us is NFP.

So in simple terms the Catholic Church agrees that you can space your children by abstinence during fertile times but that is as far as it goes and you are meant to have a very good reason to do this. The rest of the time it's just 'Gods will'.

Just because I know a lot about it, doesn't mean that I adhere to it. It's bollocks and a way to subjugate women, keeping them pregnant almost their entire child rearing years. Causes poverty and non stop stress.

Your simplest solution is to just forget about contraception and crack on with number 2 and however more you want, then just get your DH to have a Vasectomy. Job done.

Your local priest does not have the authority to change the 'rules'.

Doesn't it ruin the moment having to pull out every single time?

No he doesn’t but also there are plenty of catholics who think that the outcome of Vatican 2 should’ve been different but still believe themselves catholics and use birth control whilst going to mass, a huge % of the women of child bearing age in Italy and Spain for certain.

Without a doubt the outcome of Vatican 2 was a travesty and failed to further the rights of women to enable them to be 'Good catholics' whilst not spending the majority of their lives pregnant and endangering their health. - but as they say - thems the rules.

There are plenty of people who regard themselves as good catholics whilst disregarding these rules. most catholics in Europe use contraception (I would guess - I have no facts for this)

It's just that the OP gives her reasoning for employing a distinctly unsatisfying culmination in the act of intercourse 'because I'm catholic' - when it's actually 'a sin' in the eyes of the church anyway and no more or less sinful than the pill, the coil or a depro jab. There are no degrees of 'sin' with the different types of contraception- it all 'frustrates Gods will'.

It just seems a bit pointless and muddled thinking . If you really want to do the 'good catholic' thing then it's the Rhythm method - cervical mucus/charts/temp etc and abstain on fertile days.
Alternatively just use contraception like the rest and tell yourself that Vatican 2 was a bunch of old men with no idea about real life, poverty and the consequences for a women who could easily find herself with 16 children if following their 'rules'.

Withdrawal is just another form of contraception. Just a wholly unsatisfying and unreliable one.

I totally agree font in fact I am a catholic who uses birth control and there are plenty of us, I don’t want to leave the church as it should change, the teachings on this are out of step with what most of the congregations believe.