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AMA
Original poster

I'm a radical unschooler AMA

999 replies

OutOfControlSpirals · 26/07/2018 15:22

I'm a radical unschooling mum, which basically means I've taken the principals of unschooling, where a child is free to learn what they want, when they want, and applied it to every aspect of our lives. So my children have the same freedoms that I do when it comes to eating/sleeping/learning etc.

OP posts:
glintandglide · 26/07/2018 22:29

Thank you for answer this thread. It’s so timely, as I have just been reading some essays about Finnish education!

Does it worry you that the biggest single indicator of success is high expectations from parents, teacher, and society? And as you have none of these, statistically your children will suffer for life?

ThatsWotSheSaid · 26/07/2018 22:29

Do you prompt/encourage your children to brush their teeth, hair, wash their faces etc. Or do you just let them do it if they want?
What do you do if they hit each other?

InionEile · 26/07/2018 22:31

I think the OP has high expectations for her DC, glint. She expects them to be independent, self-motivated and thoughtful in the choices they make. She just does not have specific expectations of what educational or career attainments they will have, which seems sensible to me.

multivac · 26/07/2018 22:32

Yes, they are NT, and, whilst bright, not remarkable academically. They are in the cohort just before it was decided that all targets should be age-restricted; so when they got to Y5, and had romped through the curriculum already, the primary school sought help from the secondary, and they had a lovely time for the next couple of years exploring KS3 via online resources.

It didn't take a KS 3/4 specialist to identify that gap between their ability and what was being asked of them, though. Quadratic equations really aren't a particularly tricky branch of maths, though, are they?

Sarcy · 26/07/2018 22:32

The way i see it home schooling and unschooling are two very different types of education, i feel like people are confusing the two in this thread

SuburbanRhonda · 26/07/2018 22:33

I have to say I don't see why people are so narky about unschooling.

I’m not sure they are - for me, I couldn’t give a toss how the OP educates her children.

But comments like “But if living in harmony is not something you've experienced I can see how not having a rigid timetable to adhere to could make you nervous“ make the OP sound like a self-absorbed bore.

SuburbanRhonda · 26/07/2018 22:35

OK, no-one has specifically said that school is perfect in every way

Didn’t think they had.

DuckingMel · 26/07/2018 22:37

Should I start a thread in AMA "I was raised in Finland and went through the education system there"? A lot of people are talking about it being the pinnacle in school education. I can tell you I had some terrible teachers in the 80's, so it's all still a generalisation. Or maybe it has changed. That being said, I've not gone to school in the UK, myself, so don't know whether it was/is worse! DS seems to be doing well in primary here, despite maths, annoyingly and unnecessarily, going at much faster pace much sooner, than in Finland (he struggles with maths). Also, we had exams in primary school, which DS, thank goodness, doesn't have. He will have a lot of anxiety about them in secondary (ASD, anxiety), hence getting him adjustments in place now.

fleshmarketclose · 26/07/2018 22:38

Don't you get sick of them though? I love my dc dearly but 24/7 would drive me up the wall. Pretty sure when they were your dc's ages bedtimes and school kept me sane. It wouldn't be my choice at all. Do the LA check that they are being educated to a reasonable standard at all? If so how often?

Original poster
OutOfControlSpirals · 26/07/2018 22:38

Thatswotshesaid - if they hit each other, obviously I'm there, I comfort the one who was hurt, I comfort the one who was frustrated to the point of lashing out, I take the time to sit with them and hear them out, I encourage them to listen to each other and we discuss ways the conflict could have been solved without resorting to violence. This can take some time, the aggrieved child may well storm off to their room for a bit but when calm, we work together to solve the issue. Its not always perfect, but its working for us

OP posts:
multivac · 26/07/2018 22:39

You could, ducking - it would certainly be more relevant than posting that stuff on this thread. Not sure anyone here has mentioned Finland...

Icecoldchilli · 26/07/2018 22:40

Well no, they aren’t particularly hard, but they are gcse level and dull as fuck, so struggling to see why any year 5s would seek them out to learn themselves.

So were these quadratic equations part of the key stage 3 work given by the secondary school? That they then went on to learn about in year 5? What did they move onto afterwards? Were they using the practical applications of quadratic equations?

Greenyogagirl · 26/07/2018 22:41

fleshmarketclose local authority make no checks. The law doesn’t state what a reasonable standard of education is. It does say parents don’t have to follow the curriculum, don’t have to do exams and don’t have to follow school routine.

gillybeanz · 26/07/2018 22:44

The problem is, of course, if you homeschool / unschool, the switch from that to a mainstream second-level school would be quite a shock to the system!

You would not be blamed for thinking this, i worried so much when dd was going from H.ed to boarding, as I shared many of the OP's beliefs.
I posted on here and lo and behold got one reply from someone who had done exactly the same with her dd and it was the same school.
Amazing really as not a typical mainstream school.
Anyway, I know this is hardly conclusive evidence but both our daughters settled remarkably well, different ages though, other girl just left, this year.

Greenyogagirl · 26/07/2018 22:46

Gillybeanz did you find your daughter after being home ed was better equipped to stand up for herself at school? I have a friend whose daughter is starting secondary and she’s worried about peer pressure and cliquey groups etc

Original poster
OutOfControlSpirals · 26/07/2018 22:46

Famousfour - I don't focus on particular subjects and topics, rather we approach it holistically, learning from life. As I said at the start if the thread, children are innately curious and ask questions about everything. I feed that, ask them questions back, encourage them further, weave it in to our every day lives, they're learning without even defining it as "doing maths".

OP posts:
DuckingMel · 26/07/2018 22:47

Multivariate: they have. Therefore I commented. Thanks for the snark. I think you're a little bit wound up by this thread. It's a frustrating emotionally loaded topic about society, equality, parent and motherhood. We all have our stances and defenses.

multivac · 26/07/2018 22:47

I'm not sure, really, what you want to know by your questions, icecold. They are just learning maths stuff. For fun. For interest. For learning's sake. And lord knows, the state education system doesn't encourage that. If it means anything, they have just finished Y8 and could both take a GCSE maths higher paper tomorrow, and pass (albeit only just for one of them) - but that's not what education is about, is it?

At the same time, kids who for various reasons are struggling with functional numeracy are being taught the same curriculum, year on year, and sitting the same bloody exams - dozens of times, in some cases - in order to tick that magic, league table relevant box.

It's no wonder, surely, that parents look to take their kids out of the system sometimes, if they can?

DuckingMel · 26/07/2018 22:49

Gah, "multivac"! I have a strangeky science minded autocorrect.

kaytee87 · 26/07/2018 22:50

I'm not trying to start a fight. I'm really not. However, you can't deny that saying "because I said so" is a hell of a lot easier than taking the time to listen to your child, understand where rget are coming from, help them to identify their emotions, and work together to find a solution that works.

Do you think that people who send their children to school can't also listen to and understand their child? They all would say 'because I said so' to any question their child asked?

Icecoldchilli · 26/07/2018 22:50

I suppose I’m a good example of why tradiotional schooling works. I found maths, languages and geography boring and pointless. But I learned them because I had to, because it was expected. Got good marks in them for GCSE, which was useful for applying to med school.

The self discipline you need to develop to do well in a subject you don’t find that interesting has served me well in life. From medical school (learning the anatomy of the brachial plexus, anyone?) to doing my own dusting and ironing.

And the emotional and interpersonal skills I developed while at school helped me deal with stressful situations and unpredictable people. Being screamed at today by someone with a personality disorder, for example.

Greenyogagirl · 26/07/2018 22:52

There was a 5yo who got a gcse in maths and a 7yo. It’s definitely unusual icecold but children who love a subject will learn about it at any age

Icecoldchilli · 26/07/2018 22:52

Multivac - I suppose I’m asking because I would find it very unusual. It’s not really KS3 level, so don’t know how it ended up in a folder of KS3 work?

Greenyogagirl · 26/07/2018 22:53

So school enabled you to jump through specific hoops to get to where you want to be.
School works for some and not for others why is that so difficult to understand

Clionba · 26/07/2018 22:54

I think this is the problem throughout, kaytee. The assumption that the rest of us don't parent in a reasoned, kind, patient way. There have been very strange assumptions about how the rest of us deal with our children.