I have 3 kids by 3 men Ama

[BearsandHearts]

as above. ...

it's really none of anyone's business anyway

Until it goes on a MN AMA thread. Now it’s everyone’s business. 😂

you have already started a previous thread about wanting another baby with your boyfriend of about 4 months

Not much point in an AMA thread if you’re not going to be honest, OP.

Vanguard Six you are so right.
Bears it’s sounds like you have a lovely family. Absolutely no judgement here.

Just grow up and stop having children with different unsupportive men. 3 is enough. How are they all being financially supported?

No judgement from me op and thanks for the insight.

I have always wondered about what it was like since I was raised a bit traditional. I have since realised that life happens, and you have a responsibility to yourself to make lemonade out of lemons.

Well done for doing that.

Lunatrap I don't need counselling my children have a happy life and so do I. I also haven't ruled out having another child but if the time came we'd cross that bridge it'll be a good while.

Also I don't rely on dd3 dad for everything. I work in a professional job 32 hours a week and have owned my own home for 11 years.

Thank you Rick and Lotus x

Do your children have other siblings from their dads?

Do people judge you in real life?
How do you deal with that?
If you could have exactly the same kids but with one man would you?

I’m not judging in anyway shape or form (I can’t understand people who do, as long as the kids are happy, healthy and loved who cares?!) just being a nosey cow!

I just can't see why all children didn't have your name, OP. Why change the older children's names to your boyfriend's? I could understand it if you married him, but you didn't and then you split up, so they have the name merely of a man who was in their life for a couple of years.

@HollowTalk completely agree with you!

I understand having the name of a stepfather when they've been in your life for ages, taken on that role and are married and committed to the mum, but for swift lover, no way!

I used to teach a girl who'd had six different surnames.

1 Her mum's
2 Her dad's when her mum and dad married
3 Her dad's mum's name when her dad fell out with his dad
4 Her mum's when her mum and dad divorced
5 Her step-father's when her mum remarried
6 Her next step-father when her mum married again

I can't imagine how confusing that would be for her.

How do you find the energy and motivation to find and date new partners when you have such small children?

I have a toddler and a baby and literally can't imagine ever having the time or energy to do anything other than work, look after them and keep the house running. I could count on one hand the number of times DH and I have been out just the two of us. I feel guilty enough as it is leaving them to go to work, don't think I could justify leaving them at such a young age to go out dating.

Do you not think that you would benefit from being on your own for a number of years? Twice your relationships have only lasted 2 years but in your eyes they were serious enough to bring a child into the world. In fact 2 years is no time at all. I would barely call that a long-term relationship. And 9 months of each of those 2 years you would have spent pregnant.

It just doesn’t seem a very stable way of going about life, most people would think you are making poor choices deliberately or unintentionally.

I'm not sure if my eldest 2 have any half siblings via their dad's. My youngest is my ex's only child. I've known him 20 years and the children call him dad so them having his surname was what we wanted. Plus my youngest has her dad's surname so we didn't want the boys to feel left out.
I find time as either my mother or my ex have my children overnight on a Friday. My bf also comes round once a week when the children are in bed

iwantaunicorn I would definitely prefer to have the same children but to one man. It would make the logistics easier defo. I have had some judgement but it washed over me really

BearsandHearts, I get it no judgement here.

I actually managed to date with a 7yo, 5yo, 3yo and newborn... Because when you're single everything is different and you make more effort... It's hard to explain but you just do.

OP - in terms of decision making, do you do what is right by you or what is right by your children?

There’s a lot of judgement on this thread . I posted upthread about my experiences of being a 3x3 child. My mother has and continues to receive a lot of judgement about her marriage/kids choices and I feel it impacted her decision making about relationships. When she had 2x2 and was single I remember her being blackmailed and abused in the street. So when a new man comes along and promises to give her and her kids a better life and a veneer of ‘respectability’ what was she going to do? I wonder what those judging would do? OPs situation is obviously different but she doesn’t deserve judgement for making the best out of life for herself and her kids. Reserve judgement for the two dads that left OP have no contact with the kids.