Two children by embryo adoption AMA

[noregretsanynore]

After many many years of ivf I have had two children by embryo adoption. Some people don't agree with my choice but I'm happy

I have 2 children by 'normal' adoption.

Is this where 'spare' embryos from IVF get donated by the genetic couple?

Did you have to have counselling beforehand?

How old are your children now? What do you tell them?

Do you have contact with their genetic parents?

Yes I'm my case or cake from "spare embryos". My children are 3 and 4. We are very open about it, but they don't really understand yet. We don't have any contact with the genetic parents. We only know their blood type and eye colour

Sorry that should read "in my case"

Did you carry the pregnancies?

Did you pay for the embryos or were they donated?

I was wondering about the counselling and advice you get. When we adopted we had a preparation course where we covered things like contact. Did you get any advice on what might happen if they want to contact their genetic parents when older? (I'm assuming that they have the right to find this out when they are 18 if they want?)

Eye colour seems a slightly strange thing to tell you in advance? Why that rather than e.g. height or hair colour?

Does your immediate / wider family know? Why did you make the decision to tell the people you did?

Yes I carried both. I paid for my treatment which included the cost of the embryo. Never really thought of it as paying for the embryo as such. We had treatment abroad and the law there gives anonymity t the donors so meeting them is never an option. We didn't receive counselling but could have had it had we wanted it. All our family know. We are very open about it

How much did it cost?

I have a 6 month old from donor eggs abroad, all I know is her hair and eye colour took (and the fact she is Greek)

Just wanted to say hi

All In approx 10k each time. Hard to say exactly as lots of separate bills for scans and blood tests and so on.

*Too not took

Did you use savings or have to get loans to pay for it?

We used savings. Thankfully we where able to save enough. We made a lot of sacrifices though

Do the donors get to know whether your pregnancy was successful?

Is your child, like Lauren's, also Greek and if so, do you think it significant that the donor came from another country in terms of how it informs your children's identity?

Does some of the money go to the donee or all to the fertility clinic?

Some clinics offer low cost or free IVF treatment on condition of donating embryos. This worries me given the pressure some people who can't afford IVF might feel. Are you told anything about the particular circumstances of the donors e.g. do they have children of their own, did they donate to avoid the embryos being destroyed etc?

We don't know the ethnicity of our child as people come from all over Europe to have treatment and donate.

As far as I'm aware the people who donate can find out if a successful pregnancy occurred but no other information

I honestly don't know if there is a financial incentive to donate at the clinic we used.

Very interesting. I considered donating my last remaining embryo as due to health reasons carrying another pregnancy was risky. I aganised over it and even spoke to potential adopters. I wanted an open adoption so I would know about child. Potential adopters were very open to it. In the end I couldn't do it and had him myself. He is now 3. Thankfully the pregnancy and delivery went well. I still have all the email contacts from the families who wanted to adopt him. Sometimes I read them and feel sad for those couples but so so thankful for the decision I made. He is my absolute joy. Would you have liked an open adoption or at least to have more Info on the parents if that option was available?

Sorry if this is ignorant, but how can you not know the ethnicity of your child? Don't you want to know that?!

I would be very interested to know. However the clinic will not tell us. It's to protect the anonymity of the donors. It really does not matter in the long run

I'm quite concerned at the fact that you don't seem to know what conditions the embryos were made available under, and also the ethnicities of the genetic parents, and that you weren't made to have counselling.

But, how well prepared do you feel to answer your children's questions about their genetic heritage when they get older?

We know what we need to know. I just don't know if any money is paid for those who donate embryos. As far as I'm aware it isn't but I could not swear to it. I don't think t matters what country the donors come from. If my children are interested in the future then we can have generic tests done to find out. We know that the donors has a successful pregnancy of their own and that they had no family history of a long list of genetic illnesses.

Counselling is encouraged it as just something we did not feel we needed. We talked long and hard before we came to our decision