I'm a feminist-ask me anything.

[BertrandRussell]

and available for all.

Thanks for the thoughtful response. I absolutely agree that what’s good for women is good for men and I certainly don’t see it as anything being taken away from men. Or where something has been taken away, like a clear role as a breadwinner for example, as far as I’m concerned men just have to adapt.

I’m pretty sure I’ve argued the same on gender stereotyping before. But when I look at it now I wonder whether dismantling gender stereotypes for women automatically dismantles them at the same rate for men. Perhaps because it hasn’t seemed in the patriarchy’s interests to expand the role of men into areas which are less prestigious they are ending up stuck on their traditional patch whilst women spread out.

Which then undermines feminism. To take a simple example, if we want a higher proportion of women to go into traditionally male areas of work then it can only be achieved if a corresponding proportion of men go and do the traditionally female areas of work. I’m fortunate to have had the kind of upbringing that meant I didn’t consider any area of work out of bounds because I was a woman, but I wonder if the same is true for men of a similar demographic to me.

I suppose in that example the men could just switch to work not particularly associated with men or women.

But the point remains the same, as long as there are things left that men don’t consider open to them or desirable to them then a gender stereotype remains.

I don't consider myself a feminist I don't have the brain power to be one but I do find myself agreeing with alot of it and realising that actually there was/is nothing wrong with me all this time. It makes so much more sense now.

But my question is really, just how do you stop it from making you go crazy. How when you had the light bulb moment, did you not go nuts realising you are in a situation completely incompatable witg your life

About women being called things like dickhead- I don't think I've got an opinion (blimey-not sure that's ever happened before!). I don't think I mind-but I don't think I have heard it much. My children use "dick move" for behaviour by either sex, and I do like that.

That surprises me. I gave my partner a bit of a bollocking (there's another one!) for describing a colleague with a couple of low-level misogynistic terms the other night, cow was one, so that's what led me to ask that. I asked him if he could think of similar terms and he couldn't. That being said, I can think of plenty eg dickhead, dobber, walloper, but I can't think of any particularly misandrist in the same way as (these usually prefaced by wee) cow or boot for example.

Should have said I can think of plenty describing male physical characteristics like dobber but none particularly describing males like cow, slapper, et cetera are routinely applied to women. My partner got short shrift for describing the lassie he was talking about as a wee cow!

Witch- I think it is up to men to take advantage of the opportunities that feminism offers them- it’s not up to women to spoon feed them!

Giles- “I don't consider myself a feminist I don't have the brain power to be one” - honestly, you don’t need brain power to be a feminist! You just need an open mind and an open heart. But you obviously have a fucktonne go brainpower- i’ve seen your posts on here before! And you’re right- it can be depressing when your eyes are opened to what’s going on. But it’s exciting at the same time to think you c@n be part of the change.
Sausage- I think I must have misunderstood your point. I’ll read your posts again and get back to you.

Indeed, it wasn’t spoonfeeding I had in mind.

Perhaps it’s the difference between pursuing equality of opportunity and pursuing the end to restrictions on women. Pursuing equality could mean being equally interested in the restrictions on men, or perhaps you could take the view that feminism is one half of that equation and it’s up to men to pursue the other half because no one can do it for them.

I think I lean more toward the former. Maybe it comes back to what you said here: For me, as a woman, my focus is always on what is best for women and girls-by definition. That struck me because it’s not how I think - on reflection my primary identity is as a person rather than as a woman.

On insults, I have no issue with the genitalia related ones being applied to either sex because I don’t associate them as being used to attack one sex in particular. Whereas I wouldn’t use cow, slapper etc because they generally are only applied to women and have specific expectations of how women should behave built in.

But language changes. If they started to applied to men in equal quantity I eventually would have less issue applying them to women, I imagine.

A bit of a derail here but my "favourite" insult to a man is saying
"Don't be such a bitch".

I think the problem with that, witch, is that women in general are so socialised into not putting themselves first that it's very easy not to unless they do it consciously. If we think of feminism in terms of what women and men need that you end up with mission creep, if you see what I mean, and men's needs and wants come to the fore. Men automatically benefit from a more equitable society, and that's a really good thing. But we need to be really careful when it comes to priorities.

Yes, I do, and I don’t think feminism can be both, by definition. I’m not sure what the men’s version is though. I mean a sane version that seeks to expand their role, not the extreme fringe groups who blame women for their problems.

What do you see a men’s version of feminism working to achieve?

I swore I wouldn't ask questions, only answer them on this thread, but I really want to know why you’re saying that you don’t Identify as a feminist because it doesn’t centre men enough!

Ha! I shall try and answer at some point tomorrow when I’m on a train with some time to think about it. I’m still trying to work it out myself which was why I asked the question in the first place.

Women are socialized to conform to a very narrow view of beauty.

I'm not sure I'd agree with that. I think notions of beauty are rather subjective and highly variable.

Hairy is one of the most unacceptable things a woman can be. Ideally, we’d resist the pressure society puts on us to conform - but it’s hard.

If you consider shaving your legs to be non-feminist, the same logic could be applied to wearing make-up, skirts, dresses etc. That would be daft. What about the growing popularity of hair removal amongst men? I'm not sure there's much labelling or scrutiny attached to that.

Fascicle -when men start apologising to HCPs before a prostate exam because they haven't removed their pubic hair then I'll believe that men are as constrained by social norms in this area as women are....

I'm not sure who/what you are talking about Bertrand. I am pretty sure I have never apologised for any hair removal/non hair removal choices - have you?

Why do feminists think they can dictate to other women?

Why are feminists often so needlessly unpleasant?

Fascicle- there are often threads on here where women are worrying about not having shaved before going into labour or for a smear test. It is a “thing” I promise you!

Kitchen. Gosh, not sure how to answer that! Could you say a bit more? Obviously, there are as many arseholes amongst feminists as amongst the rest of the population.........

Do you have any awkward reservations about the Germaine Greer photo-book 'The Beautiful Boy' and how would you feel if a man compiled a similar book about girls?

Do you believe that a woman should have the unchallenged right to earn money in any legal way that she wishes (assuming full mental capacity and freedom of choice on her part), whether that be as a doctor, F1 grid girl, mechanic, page 3 girl, secretary, sex worker etc - or do you believe that she should be denied that freedom of choice in certain 'professions' if it is considered undesirable by a lot of women in general?

Also, how do you feel about SAHMs who willingly decide to make themselves financially dependent on a man, who works full-time in paid employment and also willingly makes himself dependent on her to care for his (their) children full-time?

I have seen those types of threads Bertrand - the ones where medical professionals pop up and say it doesn't matter - they've seen it all! There comes a point at which we have to recognise there are choices and there is no need to apologise for them (e.g. hair, no hair, whatever). There is a danger that apologising for not observing some perceived ideal serves to reinforce stereotypes. Which brings me back to viewing e.g. the shaving of women's legs as 'non-feminist' - I don't think it's helpful and it might make feminism appear less accessible.

Do you think feminism is being hijacked by socialism, in the interests of equality for all? There seem to be many posters on this topic (IMHO) who post about 'feminist' issues such as poverty, single parenting etc., that are actually socialist issues.

I have many reservations about things Greer has said and done-she has lived long and said loads-I'd be surprised if I didn't. Not sure what I think about Boy. Looked at purely as a bit of art history it's fascinating. And considering the absolute tidal wave of images of girls that threaten to engulf us, I suppose it could be said to be redressing the balance a bit. Don't know really. I'll think and come back to it.