Amanda Owen Interview: Rural parenting, children’s books and her take on your AIBUs

Life on a hill farm might look idyllic from the outside, but as Amanda Owen quickly reminds us, it’s full of compromises, careful planning and the occasional livestock-related mishap.

We chatted to her about what family life really looks like with nine kids, how the farm shaped her new children’s book, and the little wins that make the hard days worth it. Then we put your AIBUs to her - and her answers did not disappoint. Watch the video to hear Amanda’s full responses, or read the complete transcript below.

Rural Life: Is it really as good as it sounds?

Tina: Loads of us probably think that you're living the dream. Or maybe that's just me. I'd love to swap the city life for the quiet countryside. But I don't doubt it has it's challenges. What's one thing you wish more people knew about the reality of rural living?

Amanda: I guess it's a constant internal battle with it. Thinking to yourself, are you being selfish by saying, no, you're not doing that after school club because I've got to drive for an hour, sit and wait while you do it to drive an hour back? So any after school club takes 3 times, yeah, as long as anything else. And then you think to yourself, are we going to get to 16, 17, 18? And really feel that they've been hard done to because they didn't, didn't do netball or chess club or archery club or whatever random club it is they want to do.

And at the moment they're going to school in dark and they're coming back in the dark so they have, um, nothing other than either school or home life. So I figured that when it comes to the reality, the reality is the simple, the simple things that you, that would make your life easier. It's a balancing act, believe me.

You can go play out, and they can do that. You don't have to worry that they're gonna get run over or anything sort of, or mugged or abducted. But there's different side of worries, might get kicked by something, might fall off something. But they're, kind of, ones that you can get rather, rather better.

You do have to plan things a little bit more, you can't be as spontaneous... and say oh I think I want so to make something out of the Ottolenghi cookbook. Oh dear, I haven't got any galangal, or something. Yeah you know, it's gonna be, like, 50 miles to go and get it.

Farming: The best bit is not lambing season...

Tina: What aspects are farming have you enjoyed the most? And what is the aspect that is the hardest?

Amanda: The bit I enjoy the most is actually, well, June time because basically lambing time is finished, let me tell you people say, oh my God, lambing time, it must be wonderful to have new life on the farm, lambing time, it must be amazing. Uh yeah, you get, you get a bit tired with that after a bit. But immediately after lambing time, you slip into June and everything's growing, and basically it's kinda like down time, but everything's growing.

So you got your flowers, you got your insects and you've got that heat and it's just, it's like literally it's like being overstimulated. There's like colour, smells, it's just, it's just beautiful. And you can strip all this waterproofs off and let the sun on your skin after you've hacked all the hair off!

Obviously it's, it's like the, the natural world. That's what I actually like. I like the little wins. I like to think to myself, oh, you know, we've got the cuckoos coming back, we've got the rare flowers, all the rest of it. This year, we found, um, water voles and we also found, a load of toads as well. Says little things that make you think like, look at the bigger picture.

Important Questions Only: Yorkshire Tea vs Yorkshire Gold

Tina: Do you think there is a difference between Yorkshire tea and Yorkshire Gold? And is it worth paying the extra money?

Amanda: Well, I don't think there is that much of a difference because, you see, I have to say that I like my cup of tea strong. I was devastated when they stopped doing a tea bag that said it was a two cup tea bag. You could get a Yorkshire tea bag for two cups that I used for one cup

Tina: Are you a two tea bag person?

Amanda: Yeah, literally, yeah, oh my gosh, the spoon stands up in it for me. But I don't think there's that much difference between the two, as long as it's got that Yorkshire bit at the beginning. You think you're absolutely, absolutely fine all in all. The stronger the better and don't pay the extra.

Parenting Nine Kids: The One Least Like You

Tina: You've got nine kids, nine different personalities. What's been the hardest part about learning to parent the child who's least like you?

Amanda: Oh, that's a good question. Um, I guess it's how much influence you really want to have. Cause I've got so much going on because of being part of a big family, you, you literally do not have the time to oversee as much as in a smaller family, you, you just can't. It's physically impossible.

So what you have to do is in a way, try and oversee things and be ready to sort of pick up the pieces or catch the fall or help along whichever one requires it at that time, as and when they require it. So rather than, rather than about me saying, this is a tried and tested way. They have all been so different in their mindset and different in their characters that what would have worked for one wouldn't work for another.

I feel like when it comes to talking about the one that that's least like me. I don't, I don't think there really is. Well, that makes them sound like they're clones, but they're not. Some are party animals, some are academic, some are more into personal hygiene. In other words, Raven, you know, she said she's 24 now, and she's, I don't even know what she is, I can't even pronounce it, but something she's qualified in bio medicine and done all the extra years, and she literally puts that puts, um, puts it down to being dragged up, which I'm incredibly proud of.

Because they are being dragged up, she has made her own road. It's not my win or loss, it's not my, it's hers. I will help, but there's a great lessons. Reuben is successful. He's got his television show, and he's got his landscaping excavating digging business. He works really hard.

Okay, so, but he wasn't a scholar, he didn't qualify in anything other than dealing with people. Being someone who's good at conversation and, and dealing, and somebody that that's, that motivates. I think that's great. So having two the, the absolute extremes, but both successful and happy means there's a lot of room in the middle.

Writing Her First Children’s Book

Tina: I want ask you about your new book. It's your first one of seven...

Amanda: Yes, so the, the best thing was, of course, the material is all what's happening on the farms. It's all about the children, animals, which in a way is great because it's happening, but also terrible because it means that you haven't got time to write about it cause you're too busy doing it.

So the children, the children stories, I mean, oh my god, I have ploughed my way through some children's books that have set my teeth on edge. And I'm not gonna say which, but there are some that literally just like, I hate anything that dumbs kids down. But I hate things also that are sexed up, there's a nice middle ground. I like a book that can be expanded upon. I like the books that I wanna read, and that interests and excites them and that makes them maybe the conversation starter.

And why did I do it? Uh, I've got children. I've got animals. When Penguin asks if you wanna do it. If I'm trying to teach mythe children that anything is possible. As someone who got an E in English GCSE level, why not?

We posed Amanda some thorny Am I being unreasonable dilemmas...

Am I being unreasonable to think that a week is too long for most house guests, especially mothers?

My mother is staying for a whole week. We haven't spent time in the same house together for about 10 years. She hasn't been particularly great since she got here. I'm exhausted. I just feel like I can't relax. Am I being unreasonable to think that a week is too long for most house guests, especially mothers?

Amanda: Definitely, that is about six days too long. Honestly, honestly, don't, there's a reason why it's been so long. Since, since she's been over, it's a no. I tend to find I'm fortunate because where I live that you have to make the effort. You don't just call by, you don't just drop by. You have to come and somehow we weed out the people that, that like it, that are willing to roll their sleeves up and embrace whatever's going on. If you don't like it, you don't come back.

No, she's definitely not being unreasonable, definitely, definitely not being. I feel her pain.

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed that my son has gifted us 1,000 toilet rolls?

1,000 loo roles arrived by lorry today on a pallet. We didn't know they were coming and now our spare bedroom is full of them and there are loads in the kitchen and in the living room as well. My son said he got them as a good deal from work and he thought we would want them, but he forgot to tell us about them. Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed that my son has gifted us 1,000 toilet rolls?

Amanda: Yes, it's a gift. I mean, think of Covid times, during Covid, this would be, this would literally be like like contraband. Honestly, no, somehow it will right itself. I would say be thankful there are far worse things. For me at the end of the day, you're always gonna need a bog roll aren't you?

Am I being unreasonable to not cancel my trip?

I'm a single mum to two sons in their 20s, and I don't get to go out very often. My friend has bought us tickets to a West End show, and we booked a hotel… My son, who's 23, was booked for minor operation. It's been moved, so it's happening while I'm meant to be away… He's accused me of putting myself before him. Am I being unreasonable to not cancel my trip?

Amanda: Don't cancel your trip. No, that is well out of order. No, he's definitely, he's 23, he's big enough, and he can sort himself out on this one, he shouldn't be relying on his is mum. It's not ideal the situation, and at the end of the day, it's what I'm saying is you want you want your children to be independent, free thinking and that and have the ability to get themselves out of whatever shit they find themselves in. You can't avoid shit, you just have to climb your way out. And if he is in his 20s, and he can't work that one out, then honestly, it's about time he learnt.

AIBU to keep the £10 note I found on the floor?

You're doing the food shop, minding your own business when you notice £10 on the floor in an aisle, there are no other customers or staff in that aisle. Would you be unreasonable in picking it up and pocketing it for yourself?

Amanda: Personally, I wouldn't, because I don't need it and knowing my luck there would be CCTV. Bear in mind, I once got strip searched because I accidentally put some full priced sweet corn in my trolley.

I wouldn't. Personally, I understand that for some people that could make a huge difference, but no, I think the warm and lovely feeling I would get from either handing it in or sticking it in one of those, Poppy Legion things will be will be far better.

Am I being unreasonable to change my baby's name after 6 months?

I am having quite strong baby name regret. My husband and I couldn't agree on a name. We came to a middle ground that neither of us loved. Then I used one of my first choice names as the middle name.

The first name has never quite sat perfectly with me. It's unusual and people often question me about why we chose it. I think I'd like to change to her middle name, but I'm worried about the judgement. I'm just more worried that I'm gonna regret this choice forever. Am I being unreasonable to change my baby's name after 6 months?

Amanda: Definitely not, definitely not I don't think it matters, you know the number of children I know that are known by their middle names or have changed have changed to once be known by a shortened version of the name. I don't feel that it really matters. And I'll give you my reasoning. Obviously, Raven, is called Raven because we lived at Raven Seat and because I also knew a farmer, Raven Franklin. I just like the name. But people go, is it Rachel? I say no, Raven, Raven. I've also got an Annas, okay, and A-N-N-A-S I actually got a letter from the hospital that was actually said to Anus Livingston. Okay, the hospital. You just thought that they'd known the difference, wouldn't ya?

Okay, so it's Annas. It's not Anna or anything like that. Her name is Annas. And as for Miles, we discovered when Miles had got his GCSEs that we actually spelled his name wrong on the birth certificate. So, so all hus actual credentials all had to be changed over. And it was like, oh, is it easier to just change over the GCSEs or change the name?

Yeah, so when it comes to names the child will dictate to you, she might find, you know that the child prefers the first name. I don't think anybody ever walks along and says, well, you don't suit your name. So it's, you know I wouldn't worry about it. People judge you for whatever you do.

Am I being unreasonable to ask you to tell me about your worst play dates?

My son, who's 9, has been to his friends this afternoon and has just come home covered in what I can only assume is dog shit. A friend has two dogs and my son came home with shit all over his shoes, trousers, T-shirt, and even in his hair. Can it get any worse than this? Am I being unreasonable to ask you to tell me about your worst play dates?

Amanda: Oh my God, worst play dates. The thing is when you're on a farm, the playdate always seems to be other people's kids coming to you for a day on the farm. And that is a nightmare. About two months ago when one of Annas' friends came to drop her off from a playdate. And I swore blind that everything was gonna be fine and I'd look after her and there'd be no danger whatsoever. As Clemmi came into the room with a spring-loaded blunderbuss that Ruben had bought at an auction, which although it was disabled and disarmed, you can't actually fire any shot out of it. There is a button you press on it whereby literally a knife comes out. And it was like for what highwaymen used to shoot somebody. And then if it didn't hit them, they could...Yeah.

So yeah, when it comes to playdates, I know exactly about that.

So we have at the moment friends that come around a lot with their kids and they're of the same mindset and ilk that they like to see their, tkids sort of pushing the boundaries, you know and, and there was one day I got a video actually of Clemmie with her friend and they've been riding very sensibly on the horses. We got to the far end field and I rode to the top and I said, if you wanna let him go, let him go and I was thinking, oh my God oh my God but they had a riding hat on, it was soft going and they thundered up that hill. And if you've seen a child with such a smile on the face that literally you can't, that's everything.

Sometimes in order for that to be, it can't be within the remit of being clean, tidy, polished. And you don't you don't know where that's gonna come from. So, so, yeah, I mean shit, it's a bad one. I mean I've got so many shit stories for you. But honestly, it'll wash off!

About Amanda's new book

Illustrated throughout, Christmas Tales from the Farm is a collection of festive short stories for middle grade readers aged 7-11, inspired by Amanda’s real-life family adventures with her nine children at Ravenseat, their 2000-acre hill farm in North Yorkshire.

Featuring all of the animals that live at Ravenseat farm from sheep to goats and horses to chickens, children will love reading about three naughty little ice-skating goats the runaway reindeer who caused mischief on the moors, some very special chickens who needed a kind new home, and the clever sheepdog who found something lost in the snow.