I think I'm becoming transphobic

Race is definitive. I think it is more like saying someone is Islamophobic because they don't believe any Gods. I don't believe you can change gender/sex because it is defined by your chromosomes. In the same why I don't believe in God because I think science is a better explanations.

Yes you have been brainwashed and what is happening to you now is that you have realised this and you're shocked that you were indeed brainwashed. Like you and like many on here we mostly have no issue with how people dress etc. But we do not believe a man can become a woman ever. No surgery or hormones changes a man into anything else.

Are you transphobic, no, you are a biological realist who knows there are only two sexes and you are a woman who would like everybody to live your best lives.

But because you are now no longer brainwashed and know a man cannot become a woman you will be labelled transphobic. So what, you know you're not. And if your brother is going to think badly of you he's an idiot. I had the same with my brother who couldn't see what all the fuss is about but he's gradually changing his opinion.

The word TERF was created as a stick to beat us up with, so to take that back I'm a very proud TERF and every day at work I have a small pin on my feminst laynard that has 'terf' written on the pin. My laynard has written on it 'woman adult human female' I'm taking back my womanhood and taking back the insult of terf. Welcome to a very cosy part of Mumsnet. Where women stand up for women, girls and boys.

For your stepdaughter, you've been directed to help for her. A lot of today's female teenagers got caught up in this ideology. But she does need help. Bests of luck.

Quite - just like Trump for example.

If not wanting to give irreversible sterilising drugs to a child, not wanting to mis-sex a male, and not wanting a naked intact male in vulnerable female only change room is 'twwwannsphobic', I think you will find 99.99994799999% of the population is 'twwwannsphobic'.

Or, rather; just humane, stable, well-adjusted normal decent human beings with compassion for the vulnerable. And by 'vulnerable', I don't mean a male in a dress.

Well, that is not being transphobic, that's maturing: accepting that personal wishes don't create reality and that there is indeed something outside of our heads that is and exists regardless of our personal wishes and/perceptions.

(It always amuses me the lengths we've come when I read "I believe you cannot change sex" or "my opinion is that men are not women". Well, congratulations but your opinion really doesn't matter because we are talking about facts here. And, hey, I'm guilty of this myself! Utterly preposterous...)

Well exactly.

I wish TRAs could stop appropriating the struggle for racial equality but if they're gonna do it they really ought to work out that transwomen are the "white person" of their analogy.

Please quote someone who's said anything "transphobic" here. ie really, really hates trans people for existing. NOT "I don't want men in women's toilets"

I believe in the right of a young blonde girl from Essex to dye her hair brown and fake tan and shake her hips to Shakira on a Saturday night.

I don’t believe that gives her the right to call herself Latina.

What do you think?

In your view it's transphobic to stop a child (usually gay / autistic) receiving experimental drugs which affect their brain, skeleton, sexual function and fertility? To differentiate between male and female employees in order to keep check on maternity discrimination, sex pay disparities etc? To allow women to have space to change away from males?

That is a very extreme viewpoint that not all trans people share. You're implying that a complete disregard for safeguarding, equality and boundaries is somehow inherent to being trans. I think THIS is actually pretty transphobic as well as misogynist. Not all trans people are like that.

The Sandie Peggie case has peaked a lot of people. This is a good place to read, question and think about the subject - welcome!

We already have a societal framework to deal with this situation, and it's along the lines of @Crouton19 and @ILikeMyBike indicate - if we treat belief in "gender" as akin to a "soul" which some people believe in as a religion, then we can immediately snap into an accommodation and framework that we are used to in a multicultural western society.

I can respect that some people have a belief that they have a gendered soul that may be different from what I believe, just as a Hindu believes that eating beef is unacceptable. But the limit becomes where it affects others eg. if my Hindu colleague insists the office is beef-free, or even going one step further and insisting that not only do others refrain from eating beef but that they also BELIEVE in beef being unacceptable to eat ie. expecting others to participate in their religious practices and share their article of faith that beef is not for eating.

This is similar to the expectation that not only do we allow someone who believes strongly and wholeheartedly that they are the opposite sex to use facilities reserved for that opposite sex (and rape crisis shelters and sports and awards and scholarships and prisons etc etc etc), but also accept and share their belief that they have actually changed sex (see the testimony of Dr Upton a couple of weeks ago).

Not good enough to say to a transwoman "I believe that YOU believe you are a woman", but must be "I believe you are a woman". Anything less than that equals transphobia apparently but this is a religious profession of faith that is required, rather than respect.

It is not like racism because 98% of all sexual crimes or vawg are not carried out by different races but by men

This is pretty much where I am as well. Penises aren't female. I'm not going to pull your pants down to check your genitals if you introduce yourself to me with female pronouns, and I'll respect your pronouns and treat you as you present yourself, but I'm not going to say that penises are female because they aren't.

What is transphobic about not wanting males in a female changing room. If anything it's manphobic - it's a fear of men but it's not a phobia because a fear of men isn't irrational

What's transphobic?

It's transphobic, it's like the people who are like "I'm not racist but"

Blackface was ok before, too.

I'm gender non-conforming so I found all this trans nonsense amazingly insulting from the start. I have short hair and never wear make up, but it doesn't mean I've suddenly changed sex. Interestingly, it's been hard/impossible to convince my non-gender non-conforming (lol) friends how insulting this ideology is.

It's really made me think of everything else I've been programmed to believe.

I disagree. I too have been concerned I'm transphobic for the same reasons as the OP. I get worried people will think of me that way so don't tend to share my views when it's talked about.

I believe anyone can identify as whatever they want, it's not harming anyone. BUT I strongly believe single sex spaces should be protected. They should have male, female and unisex spaces. A building I worked in had large unisex toilets which I only used once because I felt uncomfortable, I would walk further to go the woman's only. But I do also understand that there may be an increased risk of trans people being assaulted using the single sex areas that match their actual sex. So I feel having both plus unisex is the fairest way to deal with it.

I have only ever seen trans-women kicking up a fuss about this. If you have a willy I don't want you in my space, it's as simple as that for me. Too many ways it can be exploited. I mean, look what they did with Adam Graham.

🎯

And we all know a good part of the reason why society is becoming more sexist rather than less.

This toxic, misogynistic ideology has done more harm to women's rights than the whole of the 20th century put together. In fact, from the 80s onward it seemed we were making some small degree of progress.

Along came the 21st century and TR activism and we've now regressed to something resembling the Victorian era.

The Pankhursts must be spinning in their graves.

Indeed. Love your username

Do an AS. The OP has been on Mumsnet since 2019. And has almost 2000 posts under their belt. Has posted about a non-binary DC before, and has also posted about concerns about trans ideology previously and shows they're 50-50.

I well understand being on high alert due to the trolls on here that want screenshots. But MyGhastIsFlabbered who I have seen in AIBU and on Mumsnet for years, is not a newbie troll.

They're genuine.

Not only is your SD setting herself up for dating disappointment but also friendship and social disappointment, depending on how far she takes things.
She is unlikely to fit in with male groups or female groups.

Read this thread ..
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5281525-transman-tries-to-join-female-and-non-binary-space

I'm also sorry that you're unlikely to find easy answers or 'validation' on this board or among women who are called 'GC' or 'terfs' or any of the other slurs used.

Because it's not like that - it's not about 'two sides' and there isn't a 'movement' that is about convincing anyone or love-bombing them. It's the plain, unvarnished facts of the matter that women (and a few men) here are concerned with. Evidence-based arguments. Logic. Critical thinking.

I don't mean to be unwelcoming, it's just that the people questioning whether its possible to change sex are a very disparate group of lots of different backgrounds, political inclinations, etc.

There's generally a fair amount of disagreement.

This is healthy. 😁

There's much more to being a woman (or man) than genitals and hormones. It's much more complex

Why does it have to be? Sure, there's a lot of cultural expectations around being a woman, but they're mostly harmful to women, and involve us being good, shutting up, and doing what men tell us
.
What if being a woman meant just having a female body, and doing whatever you like with that body? You're absolutely free to live your life the way you want and still be a woman - though you'll get pushback from a society that seems to be getting more sexist rather than less.

Telling confused young girls and boys they can take drugs or have surgery to change sex and solve all their problems is cruel and deceitful.

As for 'transphobia' , we have good reasons to be fearful of this dangerous ideology.