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Original poster

Persuading a TA to change her mind

188 replies

HalfArsedTerf · 19/02/2025 19:21

I am passionate about women's fightback against the aggressive gender activists but at the same time I am dependent on my income from running a small business in a small town, so cannot be "out" for fear of TA doing something to harm me. So I do what I can, anonymously on here and on X.

On my FB feed I repost GC news to "friends only". I share screenshots showing the latest madness (e.g. men in women's sports, toilets, prisons etc.) By doing this I have successfully peaked a number of friends. Coward that I am, I never make any comment of my own, so nobody can ever quote me saying something "twansfobic" and then using it to punish me financially.

I found out that a local acquaintance who has for 15 years been on my FB friends list blocked me. When a mutual acquaintance asked why she cited my so-called transphobia. She can only be basing this on my sharing screenshots of news reports on FB.

I don't really understand why a disagreement on this issue means she has to block me. I have a few thousand FB friends and bet we have different views on religion, political allegiance, sexuality, etc. This seems to be the ONE issue which leads to being sent to Coventry.

She is past middle age and (like me) a wheelchair user who is a disability rights campaigner. Her profile declares she is a lifelong feminist, so I find her stance incomprehensible.

I worry that she may poison half the town against me by spreading news of what a hateful bigot she imagines I am and urging other local people to ostracise me.

When I go out I frequently encounter her and although I am nervous I have decided that if I see her, I will confront her, woman to woman, face to face, on this issue. I will try my best to be calm, rational and friendly.

I keep rehearsing things to say in the hope of making her see that agreeing with genderists' demands is not compatible with either feminism or the rights of the disabled to same-sex care. I have seen her advertise for female carers so it's puzzling that she had taken the genderists' side.

Any ideas on what I can say to her that will induce a "light-bulb" moment and make her realise that she is supporting an ideology that harms women, especially the disabled?

OP posts:
myplace · 19/02/2025 20:17

You can’t say she doesn’t know what you think- she does, because of what you are choosing to post.

I would stay off the subject except as it relates to disability rights. Speak from the anxiety of being unable to insist on female personal care, your anxiety about children with autism misunderstanding their discomfort and transitioning, and the lifelong disability that unsuccessful surgery and hormones can cause.

Hermyknee · 19/02/2025 20:15

When you bump into her, just ask her why she blocked you as it made you sad. Say you are prepared to listen, without argument, to her reasons. Ask her to ‘educate you’. Then thank her for telling you and say I hope you will unblock me as it’s so good we live in a free country as we are doubly vulnerable as disabled women.

Don’t give her ammunition. If she unblocks you that’s great. She will eventually realise and then she needs to be able to save face.

Original poster
HalfArsedTerf · 19/02/2025 20:14

Greyskybluesky · 19/02/2025 20:11

At the root of this is your fear that she's going to destroy your business, and I understand that. But is she really capable of doing that? How much power does she wield in your town? A lot of people aren't interested in these issues so are they really going to listen to her banging on about it? She'll just make herself look bad by criticising you behind your back.

Some women define themselves as feminists but are the sort that include "all women", i.e. the DU's of this world, so if she's one of them just don't even bother trying to make her see sense

I would not say she has power exactly, more influence, and she knows an awful lot of people. We all know how tittle-tattle can spread fast, Chinese whispers, people being smeared by rumours etc. I don't want that happening to me because I don't deserve it.

OP posts:
Original poster
HalfArsedTerf · 19/02/2025 20:11

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 19/02/2025 20:03

Why do you think she has the power to "destroy your livelihood"?

I think I would just leave her be.

Because she is well known and well-liked locally, and talkative, and may spread untruths about me. Just like TA do about so many people (e.g. saying Helen Joyce wants all trans people to die, etc).

OP posts:
Greyskybluesky · 19/02/2025 20:11

At the root of this is your fear that she's going to destroy your business, and I understand that. But is she really capable of doing that? How much power does she wield in your town? A lot of people aren't interested in these issues so are they really going to listen to her banging on about it? She'll just make herself look bad by criticising you behind your back.

Some women define themselves as feminists but are the sort that include "all women", i.e. the DU's of this world, so if she's one of them just don't even bother trying to make her see sense

Original poster
HalfArsedTerf · 19/02/2025 20:08

parietal · 19/02/2025 20:01

I think the key thing if you want to convert a specific person is NOT to argue. Don't try to convince them with logic.

Instead start with questions. "I'm confused about why you blocked me ...". "What do you think about...". If she says something is transphobic, ask why. "Why is that transphobic? I thought it was just biology...". And listen to her answers.

And don't expect to convert her in one conversation. It may take several discussions for someone to change how they think.

Finally, don't become a "one topic person". Maybe she unfollowed your facebook just because you post 99% on a single topic and she is bored of it. If I had a friend who posted on only one political topic, I might unfollow even if I agreed or was neutral on the topic itself. If this is the case, and then you start on about the same topic in person, it would be very very off putting. I might even walk away. Again, not from a political disagreement but rather because feeling someone is trying to convert you to their one pet topic is annoying.

Make sure you find other positive things to chat about when you next meet this friend, and don't rant about GC issues.

Good advice about how to speak to her. Ask questions, act innocent. Make her explain.

May I point out that she has not "unfollowed" me. She has blocked me, which is quite a different thing, blocked means I can't message her or see what SHE is posting, not just that she can't see what I am posting.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 19/02/2025 20:03

Why do you think she has the power to "destroy your livelihood"?

I think I would just leave her be.

Original poster
HalfArsedTerf · 19/02/2025 20:02

PrancerandDancer · 19/02/2025 19:55

Given that she has already unfollowed you, I would leave her in peace. People are allowed to have opposing views to you. She doesn't need convincing otherwise.

She does not know if my views oppose hers, as she has never heard my views. This would give her the opportunity to hear them.

She may need convincing NOT to do anything to destroy my livelihhod over a misunderstanding.

OP posts:
parietal · 19/02/2025 20:01

I think the key thing if you want to convert a specific person is NOT to argue. Don't try to convince them with logic.

Instead start with questions. "I'm confused about why you blocked me ...". "What do you think about...". If she says something is transphobic, ask why. "Why is that transphobic? I thought it was just biology...". And listen to her answers.

And don't expect to convert her in one conversation. It may take several discussions for someone to change how they think.

Finally, don't become a "one topic person". Maybe she unfollowed your facebook just because you post 99% on a single topic and she is bored of it. If I had a friend who posted on only one political topic, I might unfollow even if I agreed or was neutral on the topic itself. If this is the case, and then you start on about the same topic in person, it would be very very off putting. I might even walk away. Again, not from a political disagreement but rather because feeling someone is trying to convert you to their one pet topic is annoying.

Make sure you find other positive things to chat about when you next meet this friend, and don't rant about GC issues.

Original poster
HalfArsedTerf · 19/02/2025 20:00

teentantrums · 19/02/2025 19:50

Does she realise that this ideology claims that female carers can also include males?

Yes, that would definitely be my opening gambit.

I don't want to harangue her with loads and loads of other points but maybe one or two more, just enough to make her realise that what she is supporting is anti feminist.

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 19/02/2025 20:00

I'd leave it be. If you come across each other in the course of disability rights then be open and engaging on that topic.

I wouldn't bring up trans rights and if she does then I'd emphasize how people can have very different views eg Brexit but still be friends and work together.

PrancerandDancer · 19/02/2025 19:55

Given that she has already unfollowed you, I would leave her in peace. People are allowed to have opposing views to you. She doesn't need convincing otherwise.

teentantrums · 19/02/2025 19:50

Does she realise that this ideology claims that female carers can also include males?