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Original poster

Newly trans colleague sexual harassment

57 replies

parallelignition · 12/02/2025 20:31

Hi,

Over the past 2 years a male colleague has made inappropriate sexual comments, spoke in length to me about a sexual fantasy and makes various jokes with sexual innuendos. I have reported him three times for the more serious things but has only had warnings. He knows he is on thin ice so over the last year only minor innuendos have been said. Yesterday he made a comment making me feel uneasy (about a threesome). Today he has come out as trans in a meeting.

I feel really upset today. It’s like he’s trying to bring me in to his sexual fantasy where he wasn’t properly able to before. I don’t want to refer to him as she or share toilets with him. I feel I need to mention how I’m feeling to management but don’t know how to without seeming transphobic and getting into trouble. I have to work closely with him unfortunately. Is there any advice on how I can handle this?

OP posts:
WhereAreWeNow · 12/02/2025 20:53

I would report yesterday's comment about the threesome and say it's sexual harassment and it's a pattern of behaviour. You've reported him before and you don't feel your complaints have been taken seriously.
Even if it goes nowhere, it's important to keep logging it.
You could raise it with your union too.
I would just focus on the sexual harassment and not bring the trans identity into it.
If he does then try to use the women's toilet you will be better placed to challenge it if you can point to historic and recent instances of sexual harassment.

spannasaurus · 12/02/2025 20:45

https://seen-network.uk/other-seens/

Contact the SEEN network if there's one for your industry. Link above lists all the networks

SEEN - Sex Equality & Equity Network

Other SEENs

Sex Equality and Equity Network

https://seen-network.uk/other-seens/

NebulousHog · 12/02/2025 20:42

i want to know if he’s intending to use the female toilets and what the policy is.

I wouldn't raise this right now - I would look for a policy if you have one, but, and others may disagree, until he starts to use the female toilets I would focus on the sexual harassment.

I'm not usually one for saying don't rock the boat but with this, I would be quiet until the issue presents itself head on.

I would get in touch with your union rep to ask about policies and if they can be provided to you.

Original poster
parallelignition · 12/02/2025 20:38

Yes I’m in a union and yes I have a HR department. I’m not sure about being signed up to stonewall. I don’t think we are as I haven’t seen any mention of it.

i want to know if he’s intending to use the female toilets and what the policy is. Whenever I’ve made a complaint I’ve asked for a meeting for a face to face appointment. I haven’t got it written down. I will document the comment yesterday but can’t remember who was with me. It was during a lunch break, so I know people were present but can’t remember who.

OP posts:
NebulousHog · 12/02/2025 20:34

First though, make a note of EVERYTHING. And gather as much evidence as you can, and list the witnesses as you remember, next to each incident.

Make sure you take copies of your complaints off work servers / email and store securely outside of the office.

NebulousHog · 12/02/2025 20:32

Are you in a union? Do you have a HR department? Are your organisations signed up to Stonewall?

dementedpixie · 12/02/2025 20:32

Ugh sounds like a revolting pervert
Keep reporting.