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Original poster

Newly trans colleague sexual harassment

57 replies

parallelignition · 12/02/2025 20:31

Hi,

Over the past 2 years a male colleague has made inappropriate sexual comments, spoke in length to me about a sexual fantasy and makes various jokes with sexual innuendos. I have reported him three times for the more serious things but has only had warnings. He knows he is on thin ice so over the last year only minor innuendos have been said. Yesterday he made a comment making me feel uneasy (about a threesome). Today he has come out as trans in a meeting.

I feel really upset today. It’s like he’s trying to bring me in to his sexual fantasy where he wasn’t properly able to before. I don’t want to refer to him as she or share toilets with him. I feel I need to mention how I’m feeling to management but don’t know how to without seeming transphobic and getting into trouble. I have to work closely with him unfortunately. Is there any advice on how I can handle this?

OP posts:
Brainworm · 12/02/2025 22:49

It might be helpful to take sex and gender out of the equation with regard to the sexual harassment issues - your colleague has been engaging is sexual harassment and that is unacceptable, irrespective of their sex or gender.

You can raise that you find it extremely uncomfortable being in a confined space (WC/ CR) with a colleague who has engaged in inappropriate sexual conduct and would like to be allocated a CR/WC where you won't have to encounter them. If any accusations of transphobia arise, you can say you this is about their conduct.

Cerialkiller · 12/02/2025 22:41

I would continue to report exactly as you have been doing. Ignore the trans thing entirely as it shouldn't make any difference to how seriously they take things (and point this out if they act differently too). I would try to use his name as much as possible rather then pronouns to avoid conflict/distractions from the harassment.

If he in fact starts to use the female toilets then that is a separate issue. I don't know if it is worth speaking to HR informally and asking what you should do if you encounter him in the toilets considering that he has a history of sexual harassment with him. Tell them that this makes you very uncomfortable. Make it about the harassment and him specifically.

We should really be able to stop men entering the woman's toilets entirely but I don't know if you want to fight that fight.

Honestly, after so many incidents I'm shocked he is still there. Are you the only one he is doing this too?

Justme56 · 12/02/2025 22:29

Possibly also look up the new Worker Protection Act which was introduced in October 2024, where employers have more responsibility to keep employees safe from harassment. It may be useful to ask what policies they have in place to meet these requirements. It basically says that if an employee brings a successful case for sexual harassment to tribunal, then the employer may also be liable for allowing it to happen. It may push them to do more (hopefully).

Didactylos · 12/02/2025 22:20

Are you the only person hes been making these comments to? Are there other women who have raised concerns/complained about him? Not to go fishing but there is a strength in numbers in this - to evidence the pattern of behaviour over both time and situations. I suspect if hes been like this with other staff you will not be alone in not wanting to share single sex facilities with him

NotAComputerPerson · 12/02/2025 22:01

parallelignition · 12/02/2025 21:08

Thank you. I’m still nervous to report it. I wish I’d done it yesterday before he came out today.

Nebulous - He was given a moment to speak at the end of a general team meeting.

Arran, that’s part of my worry I won’t be able to get him out once he’s in.

So the sequence of events to date is:

  • you’ve spoken to HR before on several different occasions about sexually inappropriate comments,
  • he’s been given warnings by HR,
  • he’s toned down the comments as a result
  • there haven’t been any reportable comments in the last 12 months
  • yesterday’s comment about a threesome was the first reportable comment since the duty on employers re prevention of sexual harassment became law
Because he’s declared a trans identity you’re now scared to report his inappropriate sexual comment, which you would have reported otherwise.

You need to tell HR about the comment. They are under a legal duty to prevent such behaviour. If this behaviour is happening, they need to know. It’s not relevant that he’s now claiming to be a woman. Harassment is more often than not perpetrated by men against women but not exclusively by men against women.

Speak to them about the threesome comment but don’t mention toilets.

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 12/02/2025 21:54

WhereAreWeNow · 12/02/2025 20:53

I would report yesterday's comment about the threesome and say it's sexual harassment and it's a pattern of behaviour. You've reported him before and you don't feel your complaints have been taken seriously.
Even if it goes nowhere, it's important to keep logging it.
You could raise it with your union too.
I would just focus on the sexual harassment and not bring the trans identity into it.
If he does then try to use the women's toilet you will be better placed to challenge it if you can point to historic and recent instances of sexual harassment.

This is good advice. Keep reporting the harassment, OP. Best of luck xx

aei22 · 12/02/2025 21:53

I would report it as not wishing to share toilets with someone who has sexually harassed you, regardless of their current gender identity.

Unfortunately management will now be in a very sticky situation re discriminating against a trans person. It may be that they offer you use of separate toilets or something like that.

Arran2024 · 12/02/2025 21:53

Are you watching the case in Fife with the doctor using the ladies?

PlanningTowns · 12/02/2025 21:51

Speak to your union rep in the morning. First thing. Explain what has happened, the full history and your concerns.

its clear you are not trans phobic because you have raised similar complaints in the past and there is a pattern of behaviour. This is not a trans issue. This is a safety, behaviour and professionalism issue. Your workplace will have policies, your rep can help you with this.

you need to raise a formal grievance. They will come back with the trans issue, but you can show a pattern with the previous warnings.

you pay monthly for your union. This is exactly what they are there to help with.

JustSawJohnny · 12/02/2025 21:45

Report the latest comment and make it clear that you are now in a difficult position as the person you have had to complain about repeatedly for making sexually inappropriate comments to you in the workplace is now likely to be sharing toilet space with you and could claim transphobia if you make further complaints. It's best to head issues off at the pass, I think.

Stick to disabled toilets if you feel uncomfortable.

AlienLanding · 12/02/2025 21:31

Nightmare.
How old is he? Our colleague is 50 and has 30 years of 'banter' before deciding to transition.
Unlike the wig, he can't just stop doing it. So plenty of ongoing, pattern of behaviour evidence if you can keep track.
Our colleague is in IT and absolutely uses their administrator privileges to access information, so careful on that one.

Management have changed recently and seems less keen on bekind.

NotAComputerPerson · 12/02/2025 21:29

Overview of how GRA interacts with EA2010

https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/cbp-10137/

NotAComputerPerson · 12/02/2025 21:22

Employers are require to provide separate toilets for men and women.

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/1992/3004/contents

niadainud · 12/02/2025 21:13

This looks very like a case of autogynaephilia to me.

NebulousHog · 12/02/2025 21:13

I suspect he thinks coming out as trans will offer him protection from sexual harassment as he is now a woman and can jest with other women.

Legally this is not the case.

Please report.

MrsPeregrine · 12/02/2025 21:11

Keep reporting him when he makes inappropriate comments. Document and date every single incidence and avoid using pronouns. Just refer to him by his name.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/02/2025 21:11

@parallelignition can you make a pact with all the other ladies if they are agreeable that you always go to the loos in twos?? pretty sure you wont be the only one getting worried about this!

Original poster
parallelignition · 12/02/2025 21:08

Thank you. I’m still nervous to report it. I wish I’d done it yesterday before he came out today.

Nebulous - He was given a moment to speak at the end of a general team meeting.

Arran, that’s part of my worry I won’t be able to get him out once he’s in.

OP posts:
NebulousHog · 12/02/2025 21:03

Not necessarily - not if the sexual harassment has been reported and recorded over the last 2 years.

OP - curious were you in the meeting he disclosed he was trans? What was the context (as it's quite random to just in disclose this in most work meetings I have been in)

Arran2024 · 12/02/2025 21:01

NebulousHog · 12/02/2025 20:42

i want to know if he’s intending to use the female toilets and what the policy is.

I wouldn't raise this right now - I would look for a policy if you have one, but, and others may disagree, until he starts to use the female toilets I would focus on the sexual harassment.

I'm not usually one for saying don't rock the boat but with this, I would be quiet until the issue presents itself head on.

I would get in touch with your union rep to ask about policies and if they can be provided to you.

But once he starts using the facilities it is harder to stop him.

NewHeaven · 12/02/2025 20:58

https://sex-matters.org/

27pilates · 12/02/2025 20:56

WhereAreWeNow · 12/02/2025 20:53

I would report yesterday's comment about the threesome and say it's sexual harassment and it's a pattern of behaviour. You've reported him before and you don't feel your complaints have been taken seriously.
Even if it goes nowhere, it's important to keep logging it.
You could raise it with your union too.
I would just focus on the sexual harassment and not bring the trans identity into it.
If he does then try to use the women's toilet you will be better placed to challenge it if you can point to historic and recent instances of sexual harassment.

This

NebulousHog · 12/02/2025 20:56

Make your complaint in writing and word in a way so that it refers to the previous complaints as well (do you remember the dates?)...

Mischance · 12/02/2025 20:54

..." without seeming transphobic and getting into trouble"

What a telling and highly disturbing few words.

What have we come to when a man who has been repeatedly harrassing a colleague via verbal innuendo unhampered can decide to announce he is trans and thereby open up both new routes to offend and a new shield to hide behind?

And the OP is feeling bad! ... and is vulnerable, and unsupported.

What a world .....