Can we talk about bisexuality?

About 98% of groups and events are for LGBTQ or LGB or LB. I have zero idea why women are claiming they are not welcome because a tiny few groups are for lesbians only.

This makes perfect sense to me. The things that you're saying remind me of the Ti-Grace Atkinson style political lesbianism of the 70s - "Feminism is the theory, lesbianism is the practice" - but with an added emotional and social dimension.

with my abusive ex who was constantly hassling me for threesomes and a poly relationship because apparently being bi means you're not monogamous.

Same. There's a whole thread to be had about the "one dick rule" as well.

AshCrapp I think that perhaps these grouping reflect too much of an emphasis on sexual attraction as defining one's identity, and not enough emphasis on the experience of living life in the world, given your particular relationships and the particular social climate you live in.

This is what I was getting at in a previous post - it's not just about sexual relationships, being a lesbian is also about emotional and social relationships that prioritise women. There used to be an old-fashioned term 'woman-identified woman', indicating that you are committed in your primary emotional and social commitments to women, not men.

Committing to a primary relationship with a woman rather than a man, in 'the particular social climate' we live in carries a significance which is an important aspect of being a lesbian, and it goes beyond mere sexual attraction.

Some women feel that way, others don't, and leave open the possibility of a primary relationship with a man. Either way, it's their choice to make, but it is between two significantly different emotional, social as well as sexual choices - being lesbian, or being bisexual.

Why wouldn't it be ok to share an opinion in a post that specifically asks for opinions on this very point? The reason for the OP's post is that she isn't sure how to handle bisexual people in lesbian and gay groups, and she's not entirely happy with how these groups are at the minute, hence the rebuilding. I don't think I've done something not OK by make a statement expressing my own thoughts in answer to this question.

I identify more with LGB that with the TQ+ but there's still nowhere I feel I fit fully, and I'd certainly not feel welcome at an event or group.

I don't feel welcome at parades etc, I don't really feel that I have anywhere I can for support as a bisexual woman. It would have been really useful if I'd had somewhere to go, particularly with my abusive ex who was constantly hassling me for threesomes and a poly relationship because apparently being bi means you're not monogamous. I could go on.

My partner isn't straight either but doesn't feel like he would be welcome within the community either. I don't want to feel like I have to hide who I am just to be accepted. Biphobia is a very real thing. I haven't stopped being bi just because I'm with a man. Being with a man doesn't mean I haven't experienced homophobia.

So yeh. It really sucks. I came out in 2004 and it was an absolutely awful experience that I had no support in managing the fallout from. Not much has changed. Honestly I'm fed up of being 'othered' for my sexuality by both sides.

No, I didn’t use it in a way that means oppression points, I stated it as a rebuttal to your saying
you are female and bisexual you have access to 53.5% of the population.

What on Earth did you mean by this if not in an age appropriate dating context?
what sort of access are you talking about if not dating? I was saying LGB groups have nothing to do looking for a new partner/dating because I cannot think of any other context for your comment about my having “access to 53.5% of the population”

I think that perhaps these grouping reflect too much of an emphasis on sexual attraction as defining one's identity.
Maybe to you but a lot of lesbians don't agree which is the reason for OPs post.
I really don't think it's OK for a bisexual woman who is married to a man to make such a statement.

Yes I didn’t say some people were not affected. I said that even within the community of people affected by discrimination because they are lesbians, there will have been degrees of discrimination and degrees to which people were able to mitigate that discrimination based on the circumstances they were born into and the choices they made. So deciding who is welcome based on who has it the hardest feels problematic to me.

For the record, I had it relatively hard for someone born in the 80’s. I imagine plenty of people born earlier had it harder and plenty born later had it easier but I’d still be happy to be at the same event as them.

You use minority in a way that means oppression points.

Bisexuality is a minority in that (pre 2010s) there weren't many of us.
It is entirely unrelated to the need for single sex spaces in a dating context.

I'm pretty sure OP is talking about women who are bisexual and in a relationship with a men and who want to attend lgb events. Not women who have ex's who are men and who are now in a relationship with women.

edited for spelling!

I don't know how this would work in practice. Should lesbians only date other lesbians? Should my step-mum, who has been happily married to my lesbian mother for a decade, and in a relationship with her for nearly two, be excluded from lesbian events because she was married to a man for twenty years first? Should she be left at home while my mum's goes to lesbian social events and then go to her own bisexual social events while my mum's stays behind? Should lesbians only date lesbians and bisexuals only date bisexuals?

What does assuming someone in a mixed sex relationship is straight look like?
I couldn't think of anything stranger than meeting Bob and Sue and thinking "I'll bet Sue is only attracted to men, and Bob to women." It's not something I'd give any mind to, and unless someone became a good friend I don't feel it's any of my business.
I realise other posters have made the opposite demand of bi women here, that they should be out and proud and make their sexuality other people's business even if they married their male high school sweetheart 30 years ago and the relationship is still going strong.
I do feel a bit of a similarity with someone sharing a trans identity because I don't know what I do with the information, what role do I have in validating this person's identity?

but if I meet people in a mixed sex relationship I don’t make the assumption they are straight. OK, but should the heterosexual partner of a bisexual go to lgb events? I don't think so. Most people would think people in a mixed sex relationship are straight, it's not really making an assumption.

I have watched this thread with great interest as it is a debate the went on in the seventies and eighties.

I think the whole Q thing has muddied the waters somewhat and lesbians have had to go back in to retreat.

And i note a lot of i identify as phrases knocking about, which in of itself, will make any lesbian nervous of who might be “playing” with them

I have had in the dim and distant past had a couple of female sexual relationships. I have been in a heterosexual relationship for thirty seven years.

And during that time have flirted with and found a number of women attractive

I have never considered myself as “bisexual”

I am heterosexual because that is the path i chose in terms of relationships.

I strongly feel that lesbian women should be able to exclude any woman who does not state that they are a lesbian.

Lesbians did not have civil rights. It affected everyone.

I'm lesbian and left the LGBTQ back in 2019 for good.
All my interest political and social is reserved exclusively for women and lesbians.
Lesbian groups are for a social life but they also provide something else extremely valuable ( or they did in the past) it was a culture devoid of male influence, their wants or desires. That's pretty powerful and why I would resent the bisexuals as they would invariably talk about men.

Yes, I do keep going back to the OP and the topic she started, which is which Bs should be allowed to attend LGB events (or any event with a B in it).

I agree the experiences of all three are very different- L, G, and B.
I don’t think that LG are more alike than LB.
Yes, these events are places where we can connect with other bisexuals to talk our specific experiences, but also the ones we have in common with anyone else who is not straight.

The embroidery example isn’t very good.

Sure, that’s understandable.

But is the degree of discrimination you faced and how you were able to respond to it, a good way to decide who is welcome and who isn’t?

There will be degrees of discrimination within the lesbian community too as well right? A lesbian born in the 70’s with wealthy, accepting liberal parents, who was fairly straight looking and was able and encouraged to move in liberal artsy circles would have had a much easier time being out than someone born to poorer, more traditional or religious parents, who couldn’t help them go to uni or leave their home town and who was more butch presenting? And both of them would probably have had a much harder time than a lesbian born in 2000.

I thought I was lesbian when still at school, got discriminated against then. We are talking mid-nineties, Section 28 still on the statute books. The first lesbians I ever met were hostile towards me as soon as I said I was bi; they were happy to talk to straight-passing me before I came out to them. It was after that that I dated men for a bit, then later I dated a woman and had coke thrown at me because we thought we could hold hands in public.

My first experience of discrimination was lesbophobia from straight women and my second was of biphobia from lesbians. I was trying to be "in the community" and got rejected by lesbians before I decided "fuck it, I'm taking the easy path". So don't blame us for not wanting to be in "the community" when many of you make it crystal clear that you reject us.

No, I didn’t go with him.
I did go while I was with him though (with his knowledge and consent).
Everyone I met was welcoming and kind.

I’m in a same sex relationship now but if I meet people in a mixed sex relationship I don’t make the assumption they are straight. Because there a lot of them that aren’t.

The WHOLE point of someone who might be bisexual going to an LGB event is for that assumption to be swept away.

I was responding to the many bisexual women on this thread who have said they decided to choose a male partner because of discrimination and harassment.

I'm not part of this community so apologies for chipping in but I've had a few glasses of wine. Do gay men, lesbians and bisexual people have a huge amount in common? It seems like the groups are very different in their experiences and interests. So wouldn't a solely lesbian group be the best support for other lesbians? I'm not saying don't have a big get-together but also it's fine to have your support group who actually understands your experiences.

It's not quite that simple (for everyone). Circumstances play a huge part, in other words, when you meet the right person, or the person you think is right - and who reciprocates - what sex they happen to be. Bisexual women shouldn't be seen as lesbians manque.

How? (This is a genuine question asked in good faith!)