Hey sorry I went to sleep.
Im trying to think how to explain it. I think the difficulty is that people are imagining that “feeling like a woman/ female” must have some kind of specific quality to it compared to “feeling like a male”- eg feeling like a woman gives you pins and needles in your left foot (to give a ridiculous example).
But it’s not that - it’s simply the recognition/ “knowing” / apprehension of self as female- itself. That’s it.
in the same way that I know I’m a woman, and (I’m guessing you’re female)- you know that you are a woman.
People who are not trans take this experience entirely for granted- it’s not something that we think about a lot, or imagine feels like anything in particular, but of course it’s always there, and it affects our identity and interactions with others. (Eg When people talk about me I expect them to use female pronouns because I know I am female).
Non-trans people assume that this “knowing” (knowing of sex, which is what some people call gender) comes simply/ logically / directly from being born female, and for most people these things are aligned.
But for trans people, these things - natal sex- and “knowing” what sex they are (eg gender) , are not aligned. We don’t know why, but it is very possible that there is a durable biological/ development underpinning to this.
Because it makes no sense to a non-trans person that “knowing sex” and “natal sex” might not be aligned , there’s also a fixation on the idea that experiencing “knowing sex” as different to natal sex must be “wrong”, “a fallacy”, “delusional”. But these are all just value judgements that really have no place in the conversation or meaning. It’s not “wrong” for gender and sex to be mismatched, it’s simply different. We assume that natal sex and gender (knowing sex) must be aligned because that’s how it is for us. But they arent always aligned . And it just is what it is.
It’s the same in discussions about DSDs . people say “oh their body was meant to develop this way, but it went wrong”. Again this idea of “right” and “wrong” really just comes from what’s “typical” or what “usually”happens. But some people just don’t develop that way- their bodies are different and they develop differently, and that’s just all there is to it.