Page 3 | Raped and now my case has been NFA'ed

NotAScoobyDoo2 · 2024-11-30T20:37:15+00:00

At the beginning of the year I was raped by my ex-boyfriend. I reported him to the police and they investigated it. I had the news last week that it wouldn't be going to the CPS because although they think the case was strong there were messages I sent saying that I wanted to have sex with him which apparently undermines my case. They said that any jury would assume that he would have the reasonable belief I consented. To put the matter into context he forced me to have oral sex with him and whilst doing it pushed my head so far down into his groin that I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was fighting for my life and was terrified. I've spent months in therapy and have had a diagnosis of Acute Traumatic Stress Disorder (apparently they can't give a diagnosis of PTSD for symptoms that exist for less than a year). I'm applying for a review of the evidence but it feels like I'm fighting against a system which is rigged against me. If I have to, I'll make a complaint the Police about the way this has been handled and I'll take it as high as I can. I know I'm preaching to the converted. How can I make other people listen?

Ohnonotmeagain · 01/12/2024 11:44

please be aware that it is the CPS that have nfa’d your case, not the police.

it is them you need to be complaining to if your complaint is about the NFA.

police are just as frustrated when they put a lot of work into a case, and have a good enough case to take to the CPS, then it gets knocked because CPS don’t think it’s a guaranteed guilty verdict.

TheyDidntBurnWitchesTheyBurntWomen · 01/12/2024 11:44

Firstly I'd like to thank you for taking this as far as you have. As a fellow rape victim I know how hard that must have been and agree that more of us need to speak up about what happens to women.

For myself I found the police saying they won't be taking it further as traumatic as the rape. Ex (father of my child) used that as proof I was a Bast bitter ex and he was innocent to bad mouth me to anyone and everyone. It's too soon perhaps for you but I found what helped me heal most was acknowledging how crap the system is and how misogynistic the world is and knowing that I did nothing wrong. I realised by holding onto the injustice and pian I perpetuated my suffering while he's living his life no shits given.

I believe you. Many women here are saying they believe you. What happened is wrong. You have done more than many of us have the strength to do in the fight for justice, you have done that for other women and it's appreciated. It's not your job to put yourself through more stress for others, dropping it and focusing on your own healing is the right thing to do. Don't let him ruin your whole life or years if it. You can't change that there is no justice you can only put yourself a woman first and heal.

Be assured this will show up on a Claire's law submission if any future partner does that. My ex had never been convicted of his past crimes and I was ignorant but in fighting him in court for the child his police check came back with multiple arrests he'd never been convicted of for violence and harassment of women court didn't seem to think this was justification for limiting his contact with the kid but if I'd have had the wherewithal to Claire's law the fucker I'd have seen the history. Now I know to Claire's law and if he tells future partners he's got a court order to see his kids because I'm a nut case I hope more people know of Claire's law and would check his story that way.

I'm sorry you have had his happen and I'm sorry our legal system has let him get away with it.

Original poster

NotAScoobyDoo2 · 01/12/2024 11:32

YourAzureEagle - what you have said actually shows a fundamental lack of understanding of anything medical and psychological. If you really feel that you can't understand medical diagnosis then maybe you should be excluded from sitting on a jury.

OP posts:

Original poster

NotAScoobyDoo2 · 01/12/2024 11:22

YourAzureEagle · 01/12/2024 10:52

Unfortunately none of the medical diagnosis you mention proves anything - all could have alternative causes - they don't prove your version of events.

However there are text messages indicating you wanted sex, which of course, you must see undermines your case.

As I said before, I believe you, but if I was sitting on a jury, if I was doing what a jury is obliged to do - to look at the concept of reasonable doubt, then I can see here that could well exist, and a not guilty verdict may be the only lawful one, and therefore see why the CPS don't want to pursue it to trial.

Show quote history

Acute traumatic stress is a recognised psychological injury caused by a single traumatic event. Damage to vocal cords proves force. I don't understand what's happened that would make you think me effectively causing this injury to myself would be consensual in any shape or form.

OP posts:

Kendodd · 01/12/2024 11:06

So sorry this happened to you OP.
You're right though, the system IS stacked against you.

YourAzureEagle · 01/12/2024 10:52

NotAScoobyDoo2 · 01/12/2024 10:30

I disagree.

1 guilty man goes free and goes on to further ruin the lives of 10 more women and he's never brought to justice. That's the same as sending 10 innocent women to prison for life with no parole.

The police believe my version of events - it all comes down to how they think a jury would see it. When you compare rape cases to any other crime you can see there's a problem 1% versus 64% in muggings. Aggravated burglary 50%.

Can I prove beyond reasonable doubt? I'm waiting for an endoscopy which I believe will show damage to my vocal cords. My consultant I'm under at the hospital thinks the stress from the attack has caused a flare-up of Crohn's. I have ATS and have been taking medication since the attack for sleep disorder and undergoing EMDR therapy.

If this doesn't prove beyond reasonable doubt that his actions were violent and non-consensual then I don't know what does. If I had died during the attack, the rhetoric would be different and none of the text messages would matter and he would be going to prison.

Additionally, if anyone feels discomfort over things of a sexual nature it's not my issue. If a member of the jury is uncomfortable dealing with the facts of a sexual nature then they should exclude themselves. Everyone has an opinion but the only opinion that's ever truly valid is the one that's based on experience and evidence not a notion that was pulled out of someone's head over 2000 years ago.

Show quote history

Unfortunately none of the medical diagnosis you mention proves anything - all could have alternative causes - they don't prove your version of events.

However there are text messages indicating you wanted sex, which of course, you must see undermines your case.

As I said before, I believe you, but if I was sitting on a jury, if I was doing what a jury is obliged to do - to look at the concept of reasonable doubt, then I can see here that could well exist, and a not guilty verdict may be the only lawful one, and therefore see why the CPS don't want to pursue it to trial.

Original poster

NotAScoobyDoo2 · 01/12/2024 10:46

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 01/12/2024 10:38

The same happened to DS1's gf. She is tiny and the rapist was huge, about 6' 3". He dragged her into a filthy men's loo and during the assault he told her there was no point in reporting him as he'd got away with raping another girl before.

The police were sure she had a case. I accompanied her to the rape suite and the officers told me it was definitely a case but the CPS dropped it. Enraged me. Just looking at the rapist in the dock compared to this tiny, fragile woman would have made it clear how easy it would be to drag her anywhere.

That's ridiculous and horrific. Just why would they drop it? It's truly awful.

OP posts:

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 01/12/2024 10:38

The same happened to DS1's gf. She is tiny and the rapist was huge, about 6' 3". He dragged her into a filthy men's loo and during the assault he told her there was no point in reporting him as he'd got away with raping another girl before.

The police were sure she had a case. I accompanied her to the rape suite and the officers told me it was definitely a case but the CPS dropped it. Enraged me. Just looking at the rapist in the dock compared to this tiny, fragile woman would have made it clear how easy it would be to drag her anywhere.

Original poster

NotAScoobyDoo2 · 01/12/2024 10:30

YourAzureEagle · 01/12/2024 10:00

The law requires, that for someone to be found guilty this must be proven beyond reasonable doubt.

This is a fair system, but does mean occasionally a guilty person will go free, but should prevent the conviction of the innocent, and by in large it works.

Unfortunately in your case I assume that the CPS have decided that the messages insert a reasonable doubt sufficient to either prevent conviction or result in a successful appeal.

That is not to say your ordeal didn't happen, but how can you, or the crown for you, prove to a jury that it did when there is evidence that points to consent - its a bad situation for you, and I feel for you, but its not a toxic system, its the law working as it should.

Show quote history

I disagree.

1 guilty man goes free and goes on to further ruin the lives of 10 more women and he's never brought to justice. That's the same as sending 10 innocent women to prison for life with no parole.

The police believe my version of events - it all comes down to how they think a jury would see it. When you compare rape cases to any other crime you can see there's a problem 1% versus 64% in muggings. Aggravated burglary 50%.

Can I prove beyond reasonable doubt? I'm waiting for an endoscopy which I believe will show damage to my vocal cords. My consultant I'm under at the hospital thinks the stress from the attack has caused a flare-up of Crohn's. I have ATS and have been taking medication since the attack for sleep disorder and undergoing EMDR therapy.

If this doesn't prove beyond reasonable doubt that his actions were violent and non-consensual then I don't know what does. If I had died during the attack, the rhetoric would be different and none of the text messages would matter and he would be going to prison.

Additionally, if anyone feels discomfort over things of a sexual nature it's not my issue. If a member of the jury is uncomfortable dealing with the facts of a sexual nature then they should exclude themselves. Everyone has an opinion but the only opinion that's ever truly valid is the one that's based on experience and evidence not a notion that was pulled out of someone's head over 2000 years ago.

OP posts:

UniDaysAcoming · 01/12/2024 10:20

occasionally a guilty person will go free.

It's not "occasionally" that men walk free after rape. It's the norm. It IS a toxic system in this situation for women where their every move is scrutinized so much that even with video evidence blokes have walked free. It is the women who are on trial in these cases.

The law is on the side of rich men. Makes sense having been written by rich men.

YourAzureEagle · 01/12/2024 10:00

NotAScoobyDoo2 · 30/11/2024 22:28

To be honest, I would feel worse knowing that I hadn't done what I could to stop it happening to someone else. I need to try and if I fail at least I know I will have done my best. - There was a very similar case last year where a woman was killed by her partner and the coroner ruled "unlawful killing". There is a clause under the DAA which states a victim can't consent to serious harm for sexual gratification.

The problem seems to be that juries are taking the sides of defendants at the moment. It's weird and toxic.

Show quote history

The law requires, that for someone to be found guilty this must be proven beyond reasonable doubt.

This is a fair system, but does mean occasionally a guilty person will go free, but should prevent the conviction of the innocent, and by in large it works.

Unfortunately in your case I assume that the CPS have decided that the messages insert a reasonable doubt sufficient to either prevent conviction or result in a successful appeal.

That is not to say your ordeal didn't happen, but how can you, or the crown for you, prove to a jury that it did when there is evidence that points to consent - its a bad situation for you, and I feel for you, but its not a toxic system, its the law working as it should.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 01/12/2024 10:00

Hello a MN poster felt like you and was supported by the Centre for Women's Justice through several reviews, to trial, then retrial where her attacker was finally sentenced. I would reach out to them.

I fully agree with this suggestion so sorry @NotAScoobyDoo2

RufustheFactuaIReindeer · 01/12/2024 09:57

Yea absolutely notascooby

Original poster

NotAScoobyDoo2 · 01/12/2024 09:55

RufustheFactuaIReindeer · 01/12/2024 09:18

Please bear in mind that this will remain on his record. If others report him it will build up a record

absolutely

my daughter was touched inappropriately in a shop once (thigh was stroked, she was 12) and when i was talking to her about telling the police i said that even if nothing happened to him this time, the next time he did it to someone else it would be on record

The issue is that these men go on forever doing it and are never brought to justice. I'm sure he's been accused before. After we broke up there were a lot of small things he said that came to mind and as "oh yes, this makes sense now".

The police need to be able to say okay we now have x number of allegations from x number of independent complainants that these allegations can now stand independently as evidence regardless of extenuating factors such as sexting / circumstances etc.

OP posts:

FreshLaundry · 01/12/2024 09:50

Hello a MN poster felt like you and was supported by the Centre for Women's Justice through several reviews, to trial, then retrial where her attacker was finally sentenced. I would reach out to them. I'm so sorry this happened to you 💐 I think you're so right to be angry.

LadyQuackBeth · 01/12/2024 09:46

NotAScoobyDoo2 · 30/11/2024 23:02

It's my belief that all women should be complaining.

I agree, it's a terrible message to send that if a woman indicates she'd like to have sex then the man can use and abuse her in any way he wants.

A woman can even change her mind and ask him to stop during sex, a sexy text message is not a free pass for any porn added violence the man feels like carrying out.

okydokethen · 01/12/2024 09:21

The police and court system are anti woman, women are put on trial and there is nothing just or fair about it.
I'm so sorry.

RufustheFactuaIReindeer · 01/12/2024 09:18

Please bear in mind that this will remain on his record. If others report him it will build up a record

absolutely

my daughter was touched inappropriately in a shop once (thigh was stroked, she was 12) and when i was talking to her about telling the police i said that even if nothing happened to him this time, the next time he did it to someone else it would be on record

RufustheFactuaIReindeer · 01/12/2024 09:15

I am so sorry OP 💐

someone i know was raped a few years ago by sexual partner, he wouldn’t admit to anything by text and although the police she dealt with were incredibly helpful it was NFA’d

she was very brave to get that far in my opinion and didn’t take it any further, this may well have been better for her mental health in the same way that, by the sounds of it, you complaining is probably better for your mental health

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 01/12/2024 08:56

Please bear in mind that this will remain on his record. If others report him it will build up a record.
Karma will get him in the end!

WilfredsPies · 01/12/2024 08:15

I’m so sorry. And so angry for you. 💐

Original poster

NotAScoobyDoo2 · 01/12/2024 07:53

Ruffpuff · 01/12/2024 01:21

I’m so sorry you went through this op.

My case went to court in 2016. They got found not guilty despite the fact my friend walked in on it happening and she gave evidence. Plus they denied everything initially and changed their accounts in interview because they were lying. Then they blamed their lies on the fact they were scared because apparently rape is a serious thing to be accused of.

My worst fear for anyone going through this is to be cross examined in court the way I was. I was told I was lying, that I wanted to have sex with them but that I lied because I didn’t want my boyfriend to know I was cheating. I was asked why my boyfriend at the time wasn’t with me at the house party. The dress I was wearing that night was held up in court and I was essentially ‘slut shamed’. Everything was my fault, they went through every single little thing I did that evening to twist it to make it my fault. It was so humiliating and traumatic. I couldn’t walk past the area near the court again for years because I’d get panic attacks.

I’m so sorry, op. They would treat you horrendously in court over those messages- it’s seriously not fair.

That's awful. I know I would get treated badly about the messages. Maybe the assault did something to my brain but I really don't care.

I think this thread is highlighting what it is I'm fighting for and why. I don't necessarily want him to go to prison for life, I just want the law to be applied fairly.

OP posts:

SensibleSigma · 01/12/2024 07:26

💐for all the women who have been let down by the justice system, and abused by men.

It’s crap. I hope you find support OP, and I’m sorry that this thread itself is evidencing how bad the situation is.

Ruffpuff · 01/12/2024 01:21

I’m so sorry you went through this op.

My case went to court in 2016. They got found not guilty despite the fact my friend walked in on it happening and she gave evidence. Plus they denied everything initially and changed their accounts in interview because they were lying. Then they blamed their lies on the fact they were scared because apparently rape is a serious thing to be accused of.

My worst fear for anyone going through this is to be cross examined in court the way I was. I was told I was lying, that I wanted to have sex with them but that I lied because I didn’t want my boyfriend to know I was cheating. I was asked why my boyfriend at the time wasn’t with me at the house party. The dress I was wearing that night was held up in court and I was essentially ‘slut shamed’. Everything was my fault, they went through every single little thing I did that evening to twist it to make it my fault. It was so humiliating and traumatic. I couldn’t walk past the area near the court again for years because I’d get panic attacks.

I’m so sorry, op. They would treat you horrendously in court over those messages- it’s seriously not fair.

UtopiaPlanitia · 01/12/2024 01:08

NotAScoobyDoo2 · 30/11/2024 22:28

To be honest, I would feel worse knowing that I hadn't done what I could to stop it happening to someone else. I need to try and if I fail at least I know I will have done my best. - There was a very similar case last year where a woman was killed by her partner and the coroner ruled "unlawful killing". There is a clause under the DAA which states a victim can't consent to serious harm for sexual gratification.

The problem seems to be that juries are taking the sides of defendants at the moment. It's weird and toxic.

Show quote history

I'm so very sorry for what you've been put through.

Juries (and the police) seem to operate on the flawed notion that a woman consenting to sex with a man on previous occasions means that the man can successfully claim as defence that he conceivably believed there was a 'default' or 'carried over' consent for future occasions.

It's bullshit and I'm sorry that you've been denied the chance for your case to proceed to prosecution.