Why do all trans discussions end in a bun fight?

Wrong thread oops.

@Name5 it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job - it must be incredibly hard xx

That is very sad.

My tween at the time was told that their interests were all ‘those of the opposite sex’ and was very concerned about it. They were bullied for it. But after I pointed out that neither of their parents really fell into the stereotypes that these school bullies were pushing, my tween realised that these people were never going to be friends. That and the fact that where we had moved from, those interests were considered very neutral and it would have been very sexist to even think that let alone say it to someone.

Thankfully, we got past that. It took a couple of years.

We know you are joking MissS, but does Bjorn?

Au contraire. They make a lovely pet.

THERE! That right there is blatant transphobia!

Reported.

Please point at the transphobia?

oh BTW. Women can’t have cocks.

She has few male traits.

Please define what a 'male trait ' is without using sexist gender stereotypes...

This is the thing. I don't think he actually wants to be a woman, not really. How can he when he doesn't know what it is to be a woman? He wants a space to be pretty.

In the 80s he could have been "pretty", and a guy - like Marilyn or Pete Burns (before Pete Burns went in for all the plastic surgery) or Boy George...or even like Adam Ant or Simon le Bon.

I don't know how to achieve that in this modern world where your presentation apparently changes your biology or identity.

Back in the day I spent every Friday and Saturday night in a club full of men with long hair and 'guy liner' who wore silk shirts blouses. None of them got attacked in the street or shouted at for the way they dressed.

Gender boundaries were being broken down and we were reaching a point where while a man in a skirt was still a talking point (see David Beckham's sarong etc) it wasn't a thing that lead to assault.

If that trajectory had continued we would probably now be at the same stage that women wearing trousers were in 1930's or 40's but the progress was totally derailed by an ideology that insisted that a man who wears a skirt must be a woman rather than a bloke in a skirt. This despite that fact that women now wear trousers more often than not. We were moving forward in breaking down gender stereotypes until the TRAs arrived and slammed the whole thing into reverse.

Now we are told some men are 'better' women than actual women because they are rigid conformers to outmoded ideas of what a woman should wear, how a woman should behave and what a woman should do.

I wish we lived in the world I enjoyed on the 90s and your son could walk down the street with long hair and makeup without attracting hate.

I've worked with people from various faiths and some vehemently atheist but no-one complained you were "denying their existence" if you didnt share their faith. There might be the odd heated discussion if you believed in, say, astrology but then people would just agree not to talk about it.

This is terrorist like in trying to force your belief onto other people and do them harm if they resist.

Or more simply, for women;

Sex is why we are oppressed,
Gender is how we are oppressed.

No matter how kind or respectful that person who is trying to shame you into complying to use that language tells you that it is to use the preferred language, it is someone who is demanding that you support their own philosophical belief.

Requiring someone to use language that supports your philosophical belief is no different to requiring all women, Muslim or not, to wear a Hijab or Burka.

These boards offer support to parents of children who are confused about their identity when the parent is distressed by that. There is some condemnation of those who e.g. state their family is homophobic and who actively support transitioning children but not for those distressed by it. So what you appeared to want is a board where TRAs can go to receive support. There is plenty of that elsewhere on the internet.

@BulletproofHat there are therapists who dont immediately affirm but will try to find why your adult child is experiencing distress and if there are non damaging ways to alleviate it. Unfortunately they are hard to find. I'd like to go back to the 70s when it was "if you havent tried it dont mock it" and be tolerant of difference. Men had long hair and while grandads tutted they didnt yell in the streets. Unfortunately we've gone backwards.

what psychological traits in brain structure etc etc - we divide this into two categories but could theoretically have many more.

Going back to this as I missed it - there are certainly not two types of brains. Sex generally only consistently correlates with brain size (as it's relative to body size). Genderism would make far more sense if there was any psychological makeup, or even a single trait, that was distinct to one sex.

The whole point of gender criticism is that there isn't.

You can't take two people, see that one scores higher on empathy or logic or pattern-spotting and conclude that one is male and one is female "because their brain".

OP you seem to know your own mind and it seems to have kept you sane. (I didn't follow your previous thread).

No worries if you don't want to get into it but I was interested in you saying the trans stuff online and in schools is waning. Do you think so? (I'm not arguing with you, it's not something I can really quantify! ) If so perhaps the phase is winding down somewhat?

We divide this into two categories but could theoretically have many more.

Eh? This statement is utter nonsense. There are only two sex categories... male and female! Any biological deviation from male or female "norms" is a developmental disorder FFS!

@Name5
I empathise. I have a very vulnerable autistic adult son who has been struggling with their identity for almost 10 years because of this bloody ideology. I stand with FWR and the toxicity of teaching young people that they can change sex.

However, I also agree that as parents of young adults caught in this phenomenon it can feel different. Frankly I don't care if people don't think that he is female. He obviously isn't female. He doesn't think he has literally changed sex or that he is an actual woman because he has long hair and sometimes wears a dress. He doesn't insist on pronouns. He does need people to not yell at him in the street or show actual hostility to him because of the way he presents.

I suppose I would like to go back to "be kind" but when be kind meant only, don't be horrible or an arse hole. Don't tear my very gentle, very fragile son to shreds for the way he looks, because he was never going to fit in this world. But on the other hand, DS knows that his "be kind" is to respect that whilst you may wish you were a girl, and want to present in that way, your fate is that you are not genuinely one. You don't go in women's spaces or bathrooms or take their awards. Just live your life quietly as a liminal being.

The fact is that at 24 there is nothing I can do except advise. So I have advised him to take it slow, figure himself out, do nothing permanent. It really doesn't help that I feel I can't take him for proper unbiased medical help that won't rush to affirm him (another thank you to FWR, or I would have been hopelessly naive about that).

The situation is very clear when it's theoretical
It's much more complex when it's your own adult child. You can't say to a person who is in the grip of despair about their deepest sense of self "Sorry but you are a boy that's all there is to it, pull yourself together". If that had been said at school before possibilities were suggested....but it's too late for that, and this distress is real, and it has lasted for years and years, and if it wasn't gender it would be punk or emo or anorexia or something else. I just want him to be ok, and I don't care if that's in a dress for now.

That sounds really promising. Well done for doing the right thing by your daughter. Hopefully she will come out the other side of all of this unscathed.

Well done. It must have been very hard at times.

It seems from your posts that you have treated her wisely and she has come through. For which she will thank you in the future.