One third of domestic abuse victims are male

Just came across these figures:

Between April 2023 to March 2024:

• the number of individuals supported in safe accommodation was 63,950 in 2023-24, an increase of 13,280 individuals or 26% compared to 2022-23; and an increase of 75% compared 2021-22 when 36,550 individuals were supported
• of the 63,950 individuals supported 36,870 (58%) were women, 1,830 (3%) men, 320 (1%) trans adults and 24,940 (39%) children. This compares to 28,200 (56%) women, 1,130 (2%) men and 170 (0%) trans adults and 21,170 (42%) children supported in 2022-23
• more than half (53%) of individuals supported within safe accommodation had at least one specialist characteristic (33,970 individuals) in 2023-24; the most common specialist characteristic was black and minoritised survivors (25% of individuals supported in safe accommodation) followed by mental health survivors (23% of individuals supported in safe accommodation) and disabled survivors (14% of individuals supported in safe accommodation)
• the highest proportion of individuals were supported in refuge accommodation (31%), followed by sanctuary accommodation (31%)
• the most common types of support received by victims in safe accommodation were general support (84% of individuals supported), this is followed by advocacy (55%) and prevention advice (53%)

continues at https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/support-in-domestic-abuse-safe-accommodation-2023-to-2024/support-in-domestic-abuse-safe-accommodation

One thing that is an issue very often never noted or discussed is that some women are violent and/or abusive to other women.

More common than many people think.

I don't know that it would shock me if this were true.

Based on my personal observations, while the really dangerous DV instances I've seen, in terms of level of violence, have all been male on female, I would not say women being physically violent seems to be all that rare. But often, it seems like it's not really recognized as DV, maybe even by the guys on the receiving end.

That's anecdotal obviously but women do have capacity for violence. I suspect if there was some kind of in depth studies of cases, we'd find that men and women who are violent in relationships may use that violence in different ways, but that's just a guess. Obviously it's not ok however it's used.

re. NI and domestic violence. This was recently published.

“When you know what they are capable of”: Paramilitary-related Gendered Coercive Control

Northern Ireland’s peace process has brought substantial gains. Political violence has dramatically reduced, and economic and social development has progressed. We can easily assume that this means that peace has been secured and is experienced by everyone.

However, paramilitarism remains, and not just as we might assume, as a residual hangover from the Troubles. The terrorist threat level for Northern Ireland is estimated to be ‘substantial’. The Independent Reporting Commission on paramilitarism identifies it as a significant ‘obstacle’ and the ‘unseen’ part of the work towards peace still to be achieved. The 2023 Peace Monitoring Report noted that paramilitaries today direct their violence towards their own communities.

Too often we also assume that violence takes a particular form – a physical incident, an event – something that erupts and then is over. But not all violence looks like that, including some of the violence wrought by paramilitary groups. It is the harm that we cannot see that is often the most insidious and impactful for those living with it.

Coercive control is increasingly recognised as a form of intimate partner violence. While it might include discrete acts or patterns of violence, it primarily involves the build-up of a chronic environment of fear, dependence and shame. Many of the harms of coercive control are imperceptible. It may simply involve a ‘loaded look’, or words of denigration, intimidation or even threat that, over time, become the coercive basis for control.

It is exactly this type of coercive harm that is experienced by some women in relationship with men who are involved in paramilitarism. It remains an ‘unseen’ aspect of today’s paramilitarism, hidden in plain sight.

Article continues at https://foylewomensaid.org/when-you-know-what-they-are-capable-of-paramilitary-related-gendered-coercive-control/

(its not saying that is the case on all instances of domestic violence, but just an additional factor - and presumably the same in other areas of conflict / paramilitaries.)

Even accepting the statistic at face value, one giant difference is that a woman would have to really work at it to land a man in hospital. Quite a few men on the other hand could break a woman's neck with nothing more than a carelessly strong blow.

Statements like "1/3 of victims are male" have to be disaggregated by sex of the perp (eg sons, rather than female members of household) and severity of resulting injuries.

Yellow - Rachel Hewitt's piece is an excellent read. Thank you for sharing it with us.

My heart is a bit too sore to comment further right now but I wanted to acknowledge it.

Rachel Hewitt has written about domestic violence in her excellent Substack. You can read it here:

https://rachelhewitt.substack.com/p/how-to-we-raise-girls-to-believe

She makes the point of many PPs on this thread, that women are socialised to minimise the violence against us.

I can remember when I was mugged & beaten up in the street near my house (I was hit so hard in the face I had a bad nosebleed) that I said to friends' "Well, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. At least he didn't rape me."

I'm so sorry that happened to you @MaggieBsBoat

It's not my story to tell so I can't give any details but a friend's ex husband tried something similar (he even contacted a DV charity). In her case there was too much evidence proving it was him who was the abuser, not her, so it didn't work when he tried it. But it was still a distressing experience for her when he made the claims and delayed her accessing help.

But statistically, your experience is a very small minority experience of abuse.

That does not mean people are telling you it didn’t happen. Just that the majority of abusers are men and generally the abuse they mete out is far more serious (can be murderous) than domestic violence perpetrated by women.

NI has the highest femicide rate in the UK - it also holds data on its’ citizens experiences of VAWG the rest of the UK doesn’t.
• Young Life & Times 2022 survey (VAWG)
• Young Life & Times 2023 survey (VAWG)
• Life & Times 2022 survey (VAWG)

It doesn’t exactly make for cheerful reading, unsurprisingly, but it is certainly informative.

NI also needs to be considered through the lens of a society filled with intergenerational trauma & socio-cultural nuances that would be utterly lost on the vast majority of outsiders. The personal as political has a whole other meaning there. Not that that in any way excuses any kind of domestic abuse &/or violence - but this is also a place that didn’t agree to the need for a VAWG strategy (despite strenuous campaigning by feminist groups) until 2021. I suspect Naomi Long is desperately trying to play catch-up in all areas; & let’s not forget the Alliance Party are up to the eyeballs in GenderWoo - to her men includes some female people…

I wonder if there has been an increase in reporting of domestic violence within same sex relationships - particularly in the case where both parties are male? There have been awareness raising campaigns about this issue and there are now services for men in this situation so they might feel more able to report than they would have done previously. It would be interesting to see the sex of the perpetrator rather than just the victim. As with most violent crimes, it has be shown the world over that the vast majority of perpetrators are male (this doesn't mean men can't also be victims or deny that women can cause harm).

My DP works alongside a large group of men. In the last few years he has told me about the way some of them will play mind games with their wives/partners.

Some will goad their partner to the point where they'll slap them, some resort to gaslighting until their partner will shout or swear at them in frustration. All these men talk of the 'red rag to jam rag' where they know their partners' cycles and ramp up the psychological abuse and nastiness until their partner snaps.

Then they brag about how they show restraint because they would never hit a woman but have a good laugh about how their partners could be done for DV against them. One called himself a wife-baiter not a wife beater.

These men work a physical job and are strong. A lot belong to a gym or do MMA. They could hurt or overpower their partners but consider themselves 'good' men because they don't slap women around like their fathers did to their mothers (though some do).

My DP tells me some say they belong to online MRA groups and encourage others to follow. Andrew Tate is god-like to most of the younger men and some of the older ones.

The local refuge is always full of women yet the one case that hit the local paper headlines was the man whose wife abused him by slapping him (once) then caused him emotional harm by shouting at him all the time.

No abuse is acceptable from either side and especially not in front of children, but when I hear of men doing the above I have to wonder if they really are the abused or the abuser.

And I should mention, he tried to leave and failed. She manipulated and cajoled him in to taking her back.

I hate this post. People experience different types of abuse and you never know what someone is going through or what their experience is. Imagine if someone beat you up and you were told, "It’s not that bad. You're still alive."

As someone who has a female family member who is abusive, I can confirm they are just as bad as a male abuser. For many years I was unable to look people in the eye and apologised for everything even if it wasn't my fault. It definitely set the precedent for me having abusive relationships as an adult as well.

I see the pattern playing out with her husband now. He looks how I felt - defeated and with no self worth.

From the OP I took there to be 2 points (not to say they are the only 2).

Firstly do the statistics support the statement about the number fo men who have suffered domestic violence? As usual these are harder to unpick and from comments on the thread hard to compare as likely forms of violence are different.

Secondly, is there enough provision for men who are victims of DV? And if not is it women's fault because they have focused on helping other women. Where are the men supporting other men.

As posts up thread have discussed in most instances men are stronger and more used to expressing anger in violence. Which doesn't mean women cant or haven't been violent.

Another point which has been referred to is whether it is easier for men to escape from a situation of DV that it is for women. Generally (although not always - just saying to stop this being picked on) women have less options partly because of finances and children.

Women's Aid (WAFE) has just published a report about the cost for women of trying to leave. Link is to the press release which has the link to the actual report https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-publish-price-of-safety-report-exposing-cost-of-fleeing-domestic-abuse/

That's not domestic abuse, it's child abuse.

The headline numbers in the OP have been known for years. Back when I was on the periphery of this topic for a study, I remember seeing percentages of male victims that were even higher. Anecdotally, when I mentioned that to my (70 yo, widowed) landlady where I was staying during my higher degree course she casually mentioned "I threw an ashtray at my husband once, it drew blood". And I also read somewhere (sorry, no link!) that the relationships with the highest proportion of partner violence are between lesbians.

But surely the critical point is that men are stronger and do a lot more damage when they hit people than women do. Maybe men are indeed 35% or 40% of victims of assault in the home by an opposite-sex partner, but they probably account for less than 20% of hospital visits, 10% of fractures, and 3% of murders. So it depends on the extent to which you care about counting incidents, versus serious harm done.

For what it's worth I would personally like to see anti-domestic violence campaigns acknowledge that men can be victims, if only because as present a certain category of man who doesn't think it's his problem can reply "Well what about the men victims eh, I knew a bloke whose missus drew blood by throwing an ashtray". Of course 90% of the focus should be on women victims, but including men would, I think, help to emphasise that this is everyone's problem in all ways.

I think that men aren't as scared as women to report it. They say there's stigma for men to admit to such things, but I think the multitudes of women who are too fearful they won't be adequately protected when they do report vastly outnumbers incidents against men in real terms.
Domestic violence amongst family members of the same sex can also skew the figures.

Yes, I believe it. I know of men who are deeply ashamed of being domestic violence victims. They won’t talk about it but women though they go through shame, have society’s support.

The statistics are believable, particularly if a third of victims are male, not necessarily men, but boys.

It is likely in a lot of situations where the woman is a victim of domestic abuse her children will also face violence from the man.

I remember my ex going into work with a black eye, which was then reported to police and I was investigated as he said I had done it. I had. While he was raping me. He is a statistic as a victim of DV.
He raped me every other day and beat me unconscious multiple times. He’s still a statistic.

Some men suffer domestic abuse, they need help as much as women need help. There need to be refuges for men as well as women. I hope we'd all agree with that, just not with the emphasis in this report.

I’ve mentioned a factual personal experience of female perpetrated domestic violence and emotional abuse against a male (her partner).

Make of that what you will. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Common then post links to prove your statement

Mmm. Yeah. I had a response typed out but actually this is too close to the bone for me to get involved in. I'll leave you to it.