How best to answer 'What are your preferred pronouns?' in an intervew

If I was asked what pronouns I use, I would just answer matter of factly? It’s no big deal.

Couldn’t work for a company that asked that.

There’s no one way to be non-binary,

Yes, that's because everyone who has ever walked the face of the Earth is "non binary".

There’s no one way to be non-binary, @InWithThePlums - a non-binary person’s gender identity may be that they don’t identify as only male, or only female, or that they identify as both, or that they identify as neither.

I don’t really understand the assumption that that is in some way sexist to be non-binary. It would only be sexist if one thinks that female necessarily means, IDK, behaving in a certain way/wearing certain clothes/having a certain role in society. I don’t think that at all, and I doubt any other trans people or allies on this thread do.

@FlirtsWithRhinos

I apologise for "how do you function?" You were engaging in good faith.

The "Are you a man or a woman" question was to see how far your beliefs took you, and you were absolutely consistent in my view. In my head I was thinking of some poor functionary filling in a form, but it could easily have been a pull down on a website. So, when you asked for a definition of a woman, they just want an answer, so "Would you describe yourself as a woman?" seems like a reasonable follow up.

If a gender critical person asked me if I were a man or a woman, I'd say man, because I am one. I also fit in the same category of man you use, so that would work just fine. If I were transgender, we might have a disagreement, because you might chose to treat me differently. Which would not be the case if I were asking you. I don't mind that you don't think you have a gender identity.

When I asked "Would you describe yourself as a woman?" there was an unspoken "as opposed to a man."

It looks like you've used the forbidden c-word in your answer. I am not sure what you mean in this context. You've included trans women and women who are not transgender. What is this third class of women?

A trans-friendly way of discussing reproductive rights is to use the term AFAB or AMAB. I know of no term which is acceptable to both gender critical people and transgender people. Gender critical people object to reproductive rights by reference to anatomy or using "people" to include, generally, trans men, so it becomes tricky.

You would honestly ask someone who asked you whether you are a man or a woman, what definition of woman they are using? I mean, how do you even function?

@DadJoke Have you stopped to consider that, 20 years, ago this thread and the lengthy reflections on it wouldn't have been necessary? I think its very existence is fairly damning evidence that women have lost the very language we need to describe ourselves. Words that we used to know were accurate signifiers - words that reflected a collective understanding of who we feel ourselves to be, and thereby offered clarity, certainty, and even protection against meaningful physical risk in the contexts of, for example, healthcare and single-sex spaces - have been taken from us. And this thread clearly shows the challenges that that is presenting us, and the distress that it can cause us.

I know you have a deep conviction that it's important for individuals to have words to describe how they perceive themselves, words that enable them to function more easily and safely in society - that you truly believe that forcing language on people in a way that causes them distress is deeply immoral.

Why, then, such resistance even to acknowledging our concerns, which match those of transpeople in this respect? We all want the same thing - language of our own!

To describe our concern as "bizarre" in such a dismissive tone, even as you show such empathy for precisely the same concern when expressed by a different demographic, is inconsistent at the least, and smacks of bad faith engagement.

Women here are arguing why they feel they have the greater right to this language (language which, until the last decade or so, was theirs for millennia and taken without their agreement, which I personally think, incidentally, is a pretty strong argument in its own right...)

Why are you not at the very, very least, attempting to listen to these arguments and counter them in a way that engages meaningfully with these quite obvious parallels? Is our desire for the very same thing as those you defend wish for worth, in stark contrast to their perceptions of need, only a dismissive one-liner in the women's case? If so, why? What's the difference? Explain your reasoning.

You would honestly ask someone who asked you whether you are a man or a woman, what definition of woman they are using? I mean, how do you even function?

I'm sure they function fine.

Your question would be stranger if asked than their response

It’s happened to me before. You’re supposed to think about what questions an interviewer might ask prior to an interview so you’re not caught unawares.

You would honestly ask someone who asked you whether you are a man or a woman, what definition of woman they are using? I mean, how do you even function?

Pretty rude!

I function just fine thank you. But in the bizarre scenario you posited where someone felt it appropriate to ask if I were a man or a woman (and I'd love to know more about what situation that would be, not least because in real, non-bizarro world I think the purpose of the question and therefore meaning of the language would be clear because of the context) I would absolutely ask them to qualify the question because out of respect for genderism I would never assume any formerly sex-based language to still be sex based. After all, I already know what I think - effective communication is about understanding what the other person thinks and speaking their language. Not, as you seem to think, about getting one over on the other person by using twisty language.

So speaking of "how do you function", are you honestly saying that you think a reasonable reply to the question "That's a really interesting question and one I have been thinking about a lot. It's actually quite hard for me to answer, so before I go into it, what do you mean by "woman"?" is "Would you describe yourself as a woman?".

I mean, that there is pretty rude - you would completely ignore my response and press on despite it being clear I need help with the terminology! If that is an example of how you approach dialogue, how do you function? It's the ideological equivalent of dealing with a foreign person by speaking English slower and louder.

(Incidentally, the answer to "Would you describe yourself as a woman?" is "Not usually, no, because although I am obviously female and have no issues with that, I don't feel the strong sense of identifying mentally as a woman that trans and cis women describe, so out of respect for them I try to avoid that word. However I appreciate that since female-only support is usually described as "women's rights" or "women's issues" I do sometimes have to fit into that label, at least until we have a more trans friendly way to specify sex rather than gender.")

I'm glad you found the discussion helpful but sadly from your answers I don't think you have understood it at all. Still, I have no doubt it has been valuable for others.

Could you explain what it means to be non-binary scientifically and without being sexist please?

That’s great you got it 👍
and am pleased it wasn’t asked, I would think that a bit weird and I’d probably just look confused and say ‘“sorry?” Or “what do you mean?”

When an employers asks you if you are a woman or a man, and you know they "believe in gender ideology" do you answer, even knowing that their definition of woman is different?

Yes. A woman is an adult human female. Paris is the capital of France. Some people may get this wrong. They may think it's actually in Spain. But if someone asked me whether I'd been to Paris, I would obviously answer.

"When people refer to you in the third person, which pronouns do they typically use?" is a ridiculous question. People referring to me in the third person are generally doing so in my absence so how would I know? If they follow the normal rules of English grammar, they are probably using she/her but they could equally be referring to me as that gobshite. I have no way of knowing.

If you are asking me whether I would describe myself as a man or woman you are presumably an advocate of gender ideology so I am neither a man nor a woman by according to your belief system. The most appropriate answer in that case would be "I am female" or "I am a biological woman" in order to make it clear that I am using the traditional definition which is based on sex.

What are the female pronouns?

You and I both know what they are. They apply to me, as a woman. They do not apply to you, because you are male. They do not apply to "trans women" because they are male. But people have all sorts of beliefs and practices. I can't do anything about them wrongly using these parts of English grammar, anymore than I can stop them using greengrocers' apostrophes.

add ‘cis’ to that list, please.

So, I have, I apologise.

When an employers asks you if you are a woman or a man, and you know they "believe in gender ideology" do you answer, even knowing that their definition of woman is different? Or is is just pronouns?

You can't even answer "Are you a woman?" without asking the person asking they define it. That must be hard work.

Have you got me confused with other posters? I fully know what a woman is, I fully know other people have an incoherent belief about gendered souls based on sex stereotypes.

..

Because it's the answer to the question the employer asked.

I don't play that game. I'm female. I use female pronouns, I don't call them "she/her" pronouns.

Because it's the answer to the question the employer asked.

Because "female pronouns" are literally "she/her," so why not just say that?

You can't even answer "Are you a woman?" without asking the person asking they define it. That must be hard work.

How would you answer these?

"When people refer to you in the third person, which pronouns do they typically use?"

"Would you describe yourself as a man or a woman?"

“perform the pronoun game.”

Refusing, I understand. Asking them to guess has not been addressed, unless I've missed it.

Did you miss the poster's clear sarcasm?

Honestly, once you've got to female pronouns, what's holding you back from just saying she and her?

Because I don't want to, because "my pronouns are she/her" is genderist nonsense. I know they will likely assume she/her because they are female pronouns. That's entirely my point. And if they want to clarify, I'd get them to explain why my answer wasn't enough, which would be entertaining.

Why are you so keen for me to say "she/her"? Odd.

Refusing, I understand. Asking them to guess has not been addressed, unless I've missed it.

@FlirtsWithRhinos you would honestly ask someone who asked you whether you are a man or a woman, what definition of woman they are using? I mean, how do you even function?

I'd just say "would you describe yourself as a woman?" if someone said that to me in response.

I'm not struggling with understanding your point, I just think it's a ridiculously convulted way of making your life difficult, like am over-blown religious ritual.

You can't control what goes on in people's heads! Your utterances are independent of that. If they are referring to you as a woman, or by she/her pronouns, then that's fine, surely?

I am pretty sure by your answers, everyone will clock you as OFAB, and understand that you don't believe you have a gender identity.

Anyway, it's been a helpful discussion, for me, at least.